Simpsons vs Harry Potter Survivor
by southspringfield2822
Summary: 8 students from Hogwarts and 8 residents of Springfield are stranded in Egypt. Only one will walk away with the title of Sole Survivor and a one million dollar cash prize. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Intro

Before I get to the fanfic itself, I want to mention a few things that might make your reading this fic a bit easier. First and foremost, you will find that some text is in parentheses while some is in italics. Here is a brief description of what each of these separate texts mean:

Plain text= regular dialogue or monologue of characters

_Italics= Character On-Camera by himself or herself_

()= Texts in these parentheses indicate action by character in most scenes

[]= Texts in brackets indicate action pertaining to tribal councils or challenges

Next, for the purpose of this fic, the Hogwarts Tribe characters are either 17 or 18 years old. The Simpsons characters are the age they are in normal episodes where flashbacks or flash forwards in time are not involved.

Here is the list of the members of the two tribes:

Hogwarts Tribe

Harry Potter

Ron Weasley

Hermione Granger

Draco Malfoy

Vincent Crabbe

Gregory Goyle

Neville Longbottom

Luna Lovegood

Simpsons Tribe

Homer Simpson

Bart Simpson

Lisa Simpson

Moe Syzlak

Nelson Muntz

Milhouse Van Houten

Ned Flanders

Ralph Wiggum

I was inspired to write this fic by two things: One, re-watching the first season of Survivor, and two, reading Adam Pulver's Animation Survivor. It's a fantastic read for anyone interested in fanfics like this. Here is a link to Animation Survivor for those who want to read it.

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All of the chapters are complete and will hopefully be released on a regular basis. I hope you enjoy reading the Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor as much I enjoyed writing it.


	2. Episode 1 Days 13

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 1

Brian Griffin: Hi, I'm Brian Griffin. You know me as the dog from Family Guy, but today I'm here on the banks of the Nile River in Egypt to host a very special edition of Survivor. 16 survivors, eight from The Simpsons and eight from Hogwarts, will vie for the grand prize of one million dollars. They must endure 39 days here in Egypt, and at the end of that time, there will only be one sole survivor. (Brian notices a plane in the distance.) Well, it looks like the 16 castaways are about to arrive, so let's go meet them now.

(The Plane lands in the desert as Brian walks toward it. 16 people emerge from the plane, already divided into their two tribes of eight people each.)

Brian: Welcome to Egypt, everybody! The rules were explained to you on the plane ride here, but I do want to mention one last-minute addition. Out of fairness, it has been decided that the members of the Hogwarts Tribe will not be allowed to use magic for the duration of the contest.

(The Simpsons Tribe members are relieved by the news while the Hogwarts Tribe expresses emotions ranging from anger to disappointment.)

Draco Malfoy: This is an outrage! Wait until my father hears about this!

Ronald Weasley: NO MAGIC! Why don't you just make us tie our hands behind our backs while you're at it?

Brian: Well, maybe you should have read the fine print on the contract you signed before coming here, ya dumbasses!

(Hogwarts Tribe members glare angrily at Brian.)

Brian: Well, don't look at me, I didn't make the rules. Anyway, your wands will be confiscated shortly, but before that, could one of you conjure me up a dry martini?

(A girl with bushy brown hair casts a spell to create a martini and hands the concoction to Brian.)

Brian: Thank you very much, umm….

Hermione Granger: My name's Hermione Granger.

Brian: Hermione…huh, that's a really pretty name.

Ron: Hey, paws off you git!

Brian: Yeah whatever, just give me your wands. I'm already late for my 2pm massage.

(Hogwarts Tribe gives their wands to Brian, who locks them in a safe.)

Brian: Now then, you all are probably wondering where your tribe's supplies are. They are buried six feet underground somewhere in this general vicinity, which brings us to our first reward challenge. As a team, you must dig up your supplies and find your campsite. The first team to get their supplies, find their campsite and then raise their team flag will win a fire-starting kit. You will find your flag in one of your crates of supplies. Any questions?

Harry Potter: Yeah, I was just wondering when…

Brian: You'll get your wands back when you're voted off of the show. Any more questions?

Homer Simpson: Will there be donuts?

(Everyone stares at Homer as if he has bugs crawling out his ears.)

Brian: Ugh, for the 100th time…NO! Okay, you know what, no more questions, alright? Survivors, get into your positions.

(All 16 castaways await Brian's signal to start.)

Brian: Survivors Ready, GO!

[Using the maps given to them, the two teams set off to find their supplies. The Hogwarts Tribe finds and digs up their supplies first, thanks in no small part to Ralph Wiggum eating sand instead of helping his teammates. Lisa Simpson tries to rally the Simpsons Tribe, but instead Nelson starts beating up Milhouse. Vastly disorganized, the Simpsons Tribe eventually digs up their supplies and finds their camp, but not before the Hogwarts Tribe arrives at camp and raises their flag to claim victory.]

(Hogwarts Tribe celebrates while Simpsons Tribe glares at Ralph.)

Brian: Congratulations Hogwarts Tribe! As promised here is a crate full of fire-starting materials for claiming the first reward challenge.

(Harry and Ron open the crate to find matches and plenty of kindling and firewood.)

Brian: Well, I will now leave you all to get accustomed to your surroundings for a couple of days before our first immunity challenge. See you then!

(The tribes return to their separate camps while Brian lights up a cigarette.)

Brian (muttering): Geez, how does Probst do it?

Simpsons Tribe, Day 1

Ned Flanders: Dear lord, we thank you for bringing us together for …..

Homer (interrupting): Shut up Flanders, I'm not in the mood!

Lisa: Guys, Focus! First things first, where are we putting the shelter?

Bart Simpson: Let's put it by the river.

Lisa: Actually, it should probably be in the shade of that nearby oasis.

Bart: Well, I want it by the river!

Lisa: Trees!

Bart: RIVER!

Lisa: TREES!

Bart: RIVER!

Lisa: RIVER!

Bart: TREES! Hey wait a min..

Lisa: Okay, we'll put the shelter by the trees.

Bart: Hey, you tricked me! (Bart gives Lisa a wet willie.)

Lisa: Ewww…Dad, Bart's being annoying.

Homer: So thirsty….Moe, give me a beer.

Moe Syzlak: (sighs) Homer, this is the last time I'm saying this….I DON'T HAVE ANY DUFF!

Homer: DOH!

_Lisa: This is gonna be a looooooooooooonnnnnggggg 39 days! Ralph isn't doing anything, Nelson is still beating up Milhouse, Flanders is being preachy, and Homer, Bart, and Moe are idiots! If we don't get our act together, the Hogwarts Tribe is going to crush us!_

_Bart: Lisa is being even more bossy and annoying than usual, and that's saying something! I'm going to talk to Nelson and Ralph about forming an alliance to vote her off!_

_Ralph: I like frogs!_

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 1:

(Hermione and Ron get the fire together while Harry, Neville, and Draco work on the shelter.)

Ron: I still can't believe we can't use magic. How are we supposed to make fire without it?

Hermione: Honestly Ron, didn't you read the instructions in the fire-starting kit? Just let me do it! (Hermione builds the fire and lights it with a match.)

Ron: Wow...Thanks Hermione, you're brilliant!

(Hermione is flattered but at the same time annoyed by Ron's ignorance.)

Harry: Hey Malfoy, you mind getting your goons to help out here!

Malfoy: Can it Potter, they obey me and me ONLY!

(Harry stops working on the shelter and walks toward Malfoy.)

Malfoy: What, you gonna fight me? Go ahead, I'll be sure to vote you off first!

Harry: Look Malfoy, I don't like you and you don't like me, but if either of us wants to win this, we have to work together to beat the Simpsons Tribe! Besides, you wouldn't want any of those Muggles to win now, would you?

Malfoy: (nodding his head in agreement) Fair enough Potter, I'll agree to this momentary cease fire! (Shouts to Crabbe and Goyle) Hey fatasses, go get some more wood and palm leaves for the shelter!

_Harry: I knew going in that we would be out of our element in the wilderness, but without magic, this has become twice as difficult. If we want to stand a chance, we have to band together as a team. Well, at least until the merger._

_Hermione: I actually think that not using magic puts me at a bit of an advantage over the other tribe members! I went camping with my family a few times when I was young, so I have knowledge and experience with Muggle camping that the others don't have!_

_Malfoy: Potter thinks that I've put our differences aside, but I'm secretly forming an alliance to vote him and his friends off one by one! Unfortunately, that Mudblood Granger is valuable to the team, so I'll probably keep her around for a while. Weasley hasn't done anything though, so I'll target him first!_

Simpsons Tribe: Day 2

(Bart and Nelson are walking along the river bank looking for food.)

Bart: Whoa, check it out a scorpion!

(Bart and Nelson approach the scorpion with spears at the ready. Bart lunges at the scorpion and manages to kill it.)

Nelson: (laughing at scorpion) Haw-Haw!

Bart: It'll be nice to finally have something besides rice for a change. Anyway, about our little alliance…

Nelson: You can count me in.

(Bart and Nelson return to camp to see Lisa, Ned and Moe working on the shelter.)

Ned: Hiddly-ho there boys! Any luck with the hunt?

Bart: One scorpion, other than that nothing.

Lisa: That's it? You were out there for two hours and all you got was a measly scorpion? (sighs) Oh well, at least the shelter is nearly done.

Moe: Uhhhh yeah, about that….

(Lisa turns around to see Ralph lighting the shelter on fire. They manage to put the fire out, but the shelter is completely unrepairable.)

Lisa: (enraged) Ralph, what on earth were you thinking?

Ralph: The leprechaun told me to do it.

(All glare at Ralph)

Milhouse: It's okay Lisa, I'll help you rebuild it.

Lisa: (uncomfortable) Uhhh….actually Milhouse, why don't you go find Homer…..haven't seen him all day.

Milhouse: As you wish, my cupcake.

(Lisa groans and rolls her eyes at Milhouse's attempts to flirt.)

_Lisa: If it were up to me, I'd vote off the entire tribe, except for me, Bart, and Flanders right now!_

_Homer: NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER SOMETHING SOMETHING!_

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 2

(Harry is returning to camp after fishing on the banks of the Nile.)

Hermione: Any luck?

Harry: Just a couple of small fish. Other than that, nothing.

Hermione: Well, it's something at least.

(As Hermione and Harry walk back to the beach, Harry stares at Hermione in her bikini and gets a rather awkward erection.)

Harry: Uhhh….would you excuse me Hermione? I think I left something on the beach.

Hermione: Yeah, go ahead Harry.

(Harry walks back to shore, trying to hide his boner as best he can.)

_Harry: You know, after that rather embarrassing hard-on, I've been thinking. I've decided that at some point during my time here, I'm going to tell Hermione how I really feel about her. At first, we were just friends, but ever since I saw her at the Yule Ball during our fourth year, I've wanted to be more than friends with her. I don't know exactly when and how I'm going to tell her, but I do know that I'm going to have to get Ron out of here and do everything I can to keep Hermione in the game._

(Harry walks back to camp after "retrieving the item from shore." Neville and Luna walk toward him with alarmed looks on their faces.)

Neville: Harry, half of our rations of rice is missing!

Harry: What happened to it? Did someone eat it?

Luna: I suspect it was the Nargles that took it.

Harry: (exasperated) Luna, I appreciate you trying to help, but I'm pretty darn sure it wasn't Nargles.

(Suddenly, Crabbe and Goyle emerge from the nearby oasis of palm trees carrying an empty rice container.)

Neville: (sighs) Well, that solves that mystery.

Malfoy: Crabbe, Goyle, you blithering idiots! That was half of our rice supply!

Goyle: Well, we weren't the only ones!

(Ron walks out of the oasis of palm trees.)

Ron: Hey guys, what's going on?

(All glare at Ron accusingly.)

Harry: Ron, would you happen to know anything about this? (Points to empty rice container.)

Ron: (with panicked look on face) Uhhh….okay, so maybe I had a couple of helpings of rice myself.

(Hermione marches toward Ron and starts punching him all over.)

Hermione: YOU…COMPLETE….ARSE RON WEASLEY!

(Harry and Neville manage to pull Ron and Hermione apart after a few moments.)

Luna: Look on the bright side, at least we got the two fish that Harry caught.

(Everyone nods in agreement, except Hermione, who is giving Ron a death stare.)

_Ron: I don't know what the bloody hell they're all on about! Crabbe, Goyle, and I were bloody starving to death, so we did what any rational human would do, grabbed some food and ate it._

_Malfoy: If we lose the immunity challenge tomorrow, Weasley is soooooooo out of here!_

Day 3: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (reading a newspaper)

Camera Guy: Brian, you're on!

Brian: (puts the newspaper away) Oh, sorry! Well, it looks like both of our tribes have had their fair share of troubles during the first couple of days here in Egypt. This makes today's immunity challenge even more crucial, as both tribes are keen on removing undesirable members from their tribes tonight at tribal council.

(Simpsons Tribe and Hogwarts Tribe arrive.)

Brian: Alright Survivors, today's immunity challenge is quite simple. There are two boats in the middle of the Nile, one for each team. All eight teams will swim out to the boats while one team member swims down to untie the boat. Then, all eight team members must get in the boat and work together to paddle to shore. The first team to reach shore and carry their boat across the finish line will win immunity and be free from tribal council tonight. Any questions?

(silence)

Brian: All right, then without further ado, Survivors Ready…GO!

[Both tribes dive into the river and start swimming at a brisk pace. Crabbe and Goyle lag behind for the Hogwarts Tribe while Homer and Milhouse fall behind quickly for the Simpsons Tribe. Neville unties the boat first for Hogwarts, but by the time all eight of their members are at the boat, the Simpsons Tribe has united theirs as well. Hogwarts has a slight lead as both teams paddle toward shore. The Simpsons Tribe tries hard to catch them, but Ralph doesn't paddle at all and Milhouse falls out of the boat, ultimately costing the Simpsons Tribe as Hogwarts crosses the finish line.]

(Hogwarts Tribe celebrates and high-fives each other.)

Brian: Congratulations Hogwarts Tribe! For winning, here is the immunity idol, which means that all eight of you are in the game for another three days!

(Malfoy grabs the idol and holds it above his head before passing it along to the other tribe members. Harry and Hermione share a quick hug during the celebration.)

Brian: I'm sorry Simpsons Tribe, but you're going to tribal council tonight.

Simpsons Tribe

Bart: I can't believe we lost to those frickin wizards AGAIN!

Lisa: You want to know why we lost to those wizards, Bart?

Bart: Why?

Lisa: It's because some of us aren't helping out. (Stares angrily at Ralph and Homer)

Bart: Well, maybe if we got along better as a team and didn't have one person trying to control it all, then maybe we might fare better.

Lisa: You wouldn't vote me off. This tribe would fall apart without me.

Bart: We'll just see about that now, won't we?

Tribal Council

(One by one, The Simpsons walks into a small hut in the middle of a desert area for tribal council. Brian awaits them.)

Brian: Welcome to Tribal Council, Simpsons Tribe, a place that you certainly don't want to be. It has certainly been a rough start to your time here in Egypt. Lisa, what do you think is the main reason for that?

Lisa: I think the main problem is that a few of us aren't pulling their own weight and helping out with challenges and with chores around the campsite. However, once we get rid of some of the slackers, I get the feeling that our tribe will be much stronger.

Brian: Homer, you haven't contributed much to your tribe so far. Do you think that puts you at risk of getting voted off tonight?

Homer (in fetal position): Save me Duffman….Bring me your delicious suds!

Brian: Geez, three days here and he's already out of his mind. Ralph, same question.

Ralph: Everybody who see the leprechaun say yeah!

Random Black Guy: Yeah!

Brian: What the fu….Okay, you know what, it's time to vote! Lisa, lead us off.

[Lisa walks up to the voting table, writes down her vote: RALPH]

Lisa: Do I even need to explain this? You saw what happened!

[Shot of Ralph voting, then Nelson voting.]

[Bart writes his vote and reveals it: LISA]

Bart: I know she's trying to be a leader and all, but she's tearing the tribe apart more than bringing it together. Sorry Lis, just playing the game.

[Shot of Nelson voting, then Moe voting, Milhouse voting, and finally Homer, who votes for FLANDERS]

Homer: Stupid Flanders! (Homer folds up the vote and shoves it in the bucket. He then returns to his seat.)

Brian (opening the voting bucket): Alright, you've seen the show, so you probably know that once I read the votes, the decision is final and the person who is voted off has to leave immediately. I will now read the votes.

Brian: First vote…is for Ralph. Second vote….Lisa. Third vote….Flanders….Fourth vote….Ralph…..Fifth vote….Ralph…Sixth Vote…Bart….Seventh vote…is for Ralph, which means the last vote isn't necessary. Ralph, I'm sorry, but the tribe has spoken.

Ralph: Okay. (Ralph leaves the hut)

Brian: Huh…he took that well, didn't he? Anyways, the rest of you may head back to camp now.

(Simpsons Tribe grabs their torches and heads back to camp.)

**END OF EPISODE ONE**

Tribal Council #1 Voting

Candidate (Votes)

Ralph (4)

Flanders

Moe

Lisa

Milhouse

Lisa (2)

Bart

Nelson

Bart (1)

Ralph

Flanders (1)

Homer


	3. Episode 2 Days 46

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 2

Brian: Hello, and welcome back to Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor here in the heart of Egypt. The two tribes have only been on the island for three days, but alliances have already started forming. For the Simpsons Tribe, Bart and Nelson have decided to join together; however, they were unsuccessful at voting off Bart's sister Lisa at last night's tribal council. Instead, Ralph Wiggum was the first castaway to be voted off with four votes.

As for the Hogwarts Tribe, Malfoy is plotting an alliance, with his target being Ron "The King of Gingers" Weasley. A romance is also beginning to bloom as Harry plans to reveal his true feelings to Hermione Granger at some point during the game. How will the next three days play out? We don't know, but we do know that at the end, there will only be one sole survivor.

Simpsons Tribe, Day 4

_Bart: Now that I've had some time to think about it, Ralph getting voted off last night will be a good thing for this tribe in the long run. However, this does not change Nelson and I's plans to target Lisa._

_Flanders: I cannot for the life of me figure out who voted for me last night. As the tree said to the lumberjack, I'm stumped!_

(Sunrise bathes the Simpsons camp in sunlight. The peaceful calm is interrupted by the sound of an air horn the wakes up the grumpy tribe members.)

Homer: (groggy) Flanders, I'm trying to sleep here.

Flanders: (chuckles) Sorry for the early wake-up call, but since our tribe hasn't exactly gotten off on the right foot, I figured we could come together and listen to some of the Lord's juicy nuggets of advi-diddly-ice!

(Everyone except Flanders groans as they huddle around the currently unlit campfire. They half-heartedly listen to Flanders as he reads an excerpt from the book of John. During the surprise sermon, Bart has a talk with Milhouse.)

Bart: (whispering) Psstt…Milhouse!

Milhouse: Yeah Bart?

Bart: You wanna join Nelson and I's alliance?

Milhouse: (gasp of excitement) Oh, of course, Bart! Who do you plan on voting off next?

Bart: Lisa

Milhouse: (taken aback) Lisa? But…but I love her, Bart. I'm not gonna vote off the girl I love.

Bart: Admit it Milhouse, this tribe would be better off without Lisa around being a bossy know-it-all getting on everyone's nerves.

Milhouse: I'm sorry Bart, but I can't side with you on this! I'm with Lisa!

(Milhouse walks away from Bart and moves to the other side to sit next to Homer and Lisa. Bart looks at him with a look of shock on his face.)

_Lisa: I saw Milhouse walking away from Bart during Flanders' prayer session this morning. It looks like he tried to recruit him for his alliance and failed. I guess that's a good sign for me because it's likely that Bart and Nelson were the two who voted for me last night._

_Bart: Losing Milhouse is but a minor setback in my master plan. Besides, after this morning, I think I have a different person in mind to be voted off next rather than Lisa. _

(Flanders continues to pray and preach while the rest of the tribe either feigns attention or goes back to sleep.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 4

(Harry and Ron are out fishing in the river.)

Ron: We've certainly been on a roll with the challenges of late.

Harry: Yep! We keep working together, the Simpsons Tribe doesn't stand a chance. Even if we don't have our magic…

(Silence for a few moments before Ron speaks again.)

Ron: Harry, I wanted to apologize for eating all that rice the other day.

Harry: It's alright Ron. I forgive you. I actually contemplated stealing a helping of rice the other day myself. I'm so hungry! Just promise you'll show a little bit more willpower from now on, okay?

Ron: Sure thing Harry!

(Harry and Ron continue to fish another hour or two before heading back to shore with about 3-4 fish between the two of them.)

Harry: (yelling as he approaches camp) Hey guys, we're eating protein tonight!

Hermione: (surprised) Wow, great job you two!

Ron: Always the tone of surprise?

Hermione: (smiles as she grabs fish out of Harry's hands) I'll start cooking these fish for tonight's dinner.

(Harry and Ron sit down by the campfire. They are joined by Neville, who has just returned from gathering firewood. Hermione and Luna are busy cooking the fish for dinner. They all watch as Malfoy is talking with Crabbe and Goyle in the distance.)

Ron: What do you think they're talking about?

Harry: Probably forming an alliance. We should be doing the same thing.

Ron: Good idea, Harry! With the five of us all together, Malfoy and his cronies won't stand a chance.

Hermione: Yeah, but which one of them should we vote for first?

Neville: Whoever we vote off, it should be the person who has been the most incompetent in the tribe.

Luna: The fish is done! Neville, go tell the others that dinner is ready. We'll talk about the alliance more tomorrow.

(Everyone nods in agreement as they all begin to eat their rations of rice and fish.)

Later that night…

(Hermione couldn't sleep. It was freezing cold out and she didn't have a blanket on her as she didn't expect the nights in Egypt to be this cold. Harry looks over and sees Hermione shivering.)

Harry: You alright, Hermione?

Hermione: Yeah, it's just a little colder out here than I thought it would be.

Harry: You want to share my blanket?

Hermione: (smiling) Thanks Harry!

(The two friends squeeze closer together as they both get under the blanket. They fall asleep shortly thereafter, not noticing a certain redhead watching them.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 5

(Bart and Nelson walk down the beach to check the tree-mail.)

Nelson: No luck recruiting Milhouse, huh?

Bart: I can still get him to be part of the alliance as long as we promise not to vote off Lisa.

Nelson: You sure you want to keep Lisa around? She could be a dangerous player later in the game.

Bart: I don't know. We've still some time to think about it before the next tribal council though.

(Bart grabs the tree-mail and reads it to himself.)

Nelson: What does it say?

Bart: Looks like we got a reward challenge for food today, and not a moment too soon because I'm starving!

(Bart and Nelson walk back to alert the others to the day's challenge.)

Day 5: Reward Challenge

Brian: (texting on a cell phone)

Camera guy: Brian, you're on!

Brian: (puts cell phone away) We await the arrival of our tribes.

(Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes arrive at challenge, sitting down at a long table.)

Brian: Well, is anyone here hungry?

(Several stomachs growl, with Homer's growling the loudest.)

Brian: Well then, I have some good news. The reward for today's challenge is four large cheese pizzas with breadsticks and two one-liter bottles of Coca-Cola.

(The castaways respond very enthusiastically to the prospect of a pizza dinner.)

Brian: However, in order to get that food, you'll first have to eat this.

(Brian uncovers a plate filled with all kinds of bugs. The expressions on most castaways' faces quickly change to disgust. Bart looks at his vegetarian sister with worry.)

Brian: Okay, so here's how it's going to work! We're going to go down the row and each tribe member will have to eat their bug. The first castaway who fails to eat their bug within the 90 second time limit will lose the challenge for their tribe.

(Being a vegetarian, Lisa is quick to move to the very end of the table. Since the Hogwarts Tribe has a one-man advantage, Draco opts to sit out this challenge.)

Brian: Alright, if there are no questions, then let's get this match started with Homer and Ron.

[Homer and Ron both eat their bugs quickly.]

Brian: Okay, Bart and Harry, you're next.

[Bart and Harry also eat their bugs, though not as quickly as Homer and Ron.]

Brian: Both teams 2 for 2 so far. Moe and Hermione…

[Moe devours the bug, but Hermione is hesitant.]

Hermione: Ugh, I feel so bad for this poor bug.

Ron: Come on Hermione, you've eaten meat before. Jus t pretend it's a nice, juicy steak at the Great Hall.

[Hermione bucks up the courage to eat her bug. Both teams eat their bugs without fanfare until it gets to Lisa and Luna at the very end of the table.]

Lisa: I can't do it, this is completely barbaric!

Luna: I'm having my qualms about this as well.

[The castaways encourage their teammates, eventually persuading both of them into slowly eating their bugs.]

Brian: Fortunately, I was prepared for the possibility of a tie. That's why we have a second course to offer you.

(Brian uncovers another plate with two small scorpions on it.)

Brian: I need each tribe to pick a member from the opposing team to eat this scorpion.

Hogwarts Tribe: (in unison) Lisa!

Lisa: D'oh!

Bart: We're going with Hermione.

(Lisa and Hermione take the seats at the front of the table.)

Brian: Lisa and Hermione, here are the rules for the tiebreaker. There is no time limit, and whoever finishes their scorpion first wins the pizza for their tribe. Understand?

(Lisa and Hermione both nod in agreement.)

Brian: Alright, whenever you're ready you two.

[Lisa and Hermione are both hesitant to pick up their scorpions.]

Harry: Come on Hermione, use that Gryffindor courage of yours. You've got this.

[Hermione, empowered by the words of encouragement from her best friend, grabs the scorpion, chews it up and swallows it, much to the jubilation of her fellow tribe members. The Simpsons Tribe meanwhile, frustrated by another loss, glare at Lisa.]

Brian: Congratulations Hogwarts Tribe, you're now 3 for 3 on challenges and the pizza is yours.

(As the Hogwarts Tribe celebrates, Hermione looks over to the demoralized Simpsons Tribe.)

Hermione: Hey guys, we're probably not gonna eat all this pizza, so if you want one of them…

Lisa: You would do that for us, Hermione?

Hermione: Sure, why not? What do you think guys, can they have one of the pizzas?

(The Hogwarts Tribe deliberates, eventually deciding to concede a pizza to their opponents, much to the chagrin of Ron, Crabbe and Goyle.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 5

(The tribe members gather around the campfire as they dig into the pizza, breadsticks and soda.)

Malfoy: I have to admit Granger. You really stepped up for the team today.

Hermione: Wow, that means a lot coming from you Malfoy…Thanks!

(Ron taps Harry on the shoulder.)

Ron: Hey Harry, you mind if I talk to you in private for a minute?

Harry: Oh, sure thing Ron.

(Harry and Ron move their private conversation into the shelter.)

Ron: I couldn't help but notice that you and Hermione got a little closer last night.

Harry: You saw that?

Ron: Yeah, every bit of it.

(The two stare at each other in awkward silence before Harry finally speaks again.)

Harry: Look Ron, I'm sorry…

Ron: (raising his voice) SORRY? Harry, that's my girlfriend you were getting intimate with last night.

(Malfoy overhears the conversation as he walks towards the forest and decides to eavesdrop.)

Harry: But she was freezing cold because she didn't have a blanket, so…

Ron: (yelling) Oh whatever, you're just using that as an excuse to cuddle with her!

Harry: Well maybe YOU should have taken the initiative to help out your girlfriend.

Ron: Oh, piss off! (Ron walks away down the beach.)

Harry: Ron, Ron come back!

(Malfoy watches behind a tree with a grin on his face.)

_Malfoy: This is absolutely brilliant! With Potter and Weasley at each other's throats over Granger, there's no way their alliance can possibly work._

Day 6: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (on a laptop) Wow, wifi internet in the middle of Egypt.

Camera guy: Uhhh, Brian…

Brian: Oh! (puts away laptop) Thanks to a display of generosity and sportsmanship on the part of Hermione, both tribes got to enjoy some pizza last night. However, it is right back to business as both teams must capture the opponent's flag if they wish to avoid tribal council tonight. Here come our tribes now!

(Both tribes arrive at challenge.)

Brian: Alright castaways, we'll be playing a game of Capture the Flag for today's immunity challenge. On each side of the playing field is a flag representing your tribe. Hogwarts Tribe, your flag is the black one on the left, and Simpsons Tribe your flag is the yellow one on the right. To win, all you have to do is capture the other team's flag and bring it back to your team base right next to your own flag. Hogwarts Tribe, since you're a man up, I'm going to need one person to sit out this game. (Luna steps forward beside Brian) Okay, Luna is sitting out for the Hogwarts Tribe. Well, this game is a pretty simple concept, so there shouldn't be any questions.

(Homer raises his hand.)

Homer: Sooooo, we capture our own flag, right?

Brian: (sighs) Obviously, I have overestimated your IQ levels. Moving on, Survivors ready….GO!

[Both tribes spend a few minutes strategizing and determining who is doing what before pursuing the opponent's flag. The Hogwarts Tribe is the first to attempt a capture, but Harry and Hermione end up getting tagged and put in the Simpsons Tribe's jail. The Simpsons Tribe sends two people on each side, with Bart and Moe on the left and Lisa and Nelson on the right. On defense, Crabbe and Goyle is able to get Moe and Lisa into jail, but Bart evades them and grabs the flag. Neville tries to run down Bart as he approaches his base, but cannot quite tag him. Bart reaches base with the flag and claims immunity for the Simpsons Tribe.]

Nelson and Milhouse: Bart, Bart, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!

Brian: Congratulations Simpsons Tribe, you finally win a challenge here and claim immunity. All seven of you are in the game for the next three days! Hogwarts Tribe, I'll see you all at tribal council tonight.

(The Simpsons Tribe celebrates with the idol. Harry, Hermione and Neville offer their congratulations to the Simpsons Tribe before going back to their camp.)

Hogwarts Tribe

_Hermione: It was bad enough losing the challenge, but when we got back to camp, we noticed that the leftover pizza was gone._

Harry: Okay, who ate the pizza? Come on, fess up!

(Silence from all tribe members. Hermione stares accusingly at Ron.)

Ron: I swear, I had nothing to do with it.

Crabbe/Goyle: (burps)

(Tribe members start glaring at the two Slytherins, even Malfoy is unhappy with his cohorts.)

Malfoy: Guys, Again? REALLY?

Hermione: (whispering to Harry) I think I know who we're voting off tonight.

Harry: Uhhh, yeah, but which one?

Hermione: Good question.

(Ron stares at a distance as Harry and Hermione continue to confer quietly.)

Tribal Council

(The eight Hogwarts Tribe arrive and sit down in the hut. Brian enters from a side door.)

Brian: Welcome to tribal council, Hogwarts Tribe. After a good start, your winning streak was broken in today's immunity challenge. Neville, what do you think contributed primarily to this loss?

Neville: I think everyone could have done better, but if I had to pinpoint two individuals, I'd say Crabbe and Goyle could have done a better job defending the flag. They weren't really paying that much attention when Bart and Lisa executed that flank attack.

(Crabbe and Goyle stare into space as if their names weren't mentioned.)

Brian: This next question is for Harry and Ron. You two had a bit of a private argument last night. Have you forgiven each other, or is there still some tension there?

Harry: Well, we haven't formally apologized yet, but hopefully our friendship is strong enough that we can see past the small argument and…

Ron: SMALL? You were spooning with my girlfriend, you were!

(Hermione looks over at Ron and Harry with an embarrassed look on her face.)

Brian: Hermione, any thoughts on this?

(Hermione, still stunned by the recent events, has no response.)

Brian: Okay, then I guess it's time to vote. Luna, lead us off.

[Shot of Luna casting her vote, then Malfoy casting his vote, revealing it to be for RON.]

Malfoy: Crabbe and Goyle have been hurting the tribe, but I'm sticking with my plans. So long Weasley!

[Shot of Neville, then Ron voting and showing his vote to the camera: HARRY.]

Ron: I didn't want to do this man, but I trusted you and you betrayed that trust.

[Shot of Hermione voting, Crabbe and Goyle voting, then Harry voting for GOYLE.]

Harry: Ideally, I would vote for both Crabbe and Goyle, but seeing as we can only eliminate one person at a time, I decided to pick the latter.

[Harry sits back down. Brian tallies the votes and then joins them.]

Brian: Once the votes are tallied, the decision is final, blah blah blah…let's read the votes.

(Brian opens the voting bucket and grabs the first vote.)

Brian: 1st vote is for…Ron. Second vote, Goyle. Third vote is for…Harry. Fourth vote…Goyle….Fifth vote…Ron. Sixth vote is for…Goyle. Three for Goyle, Two for Ron, One for Harry. Next vote…is Goyle, so the last vote isn't necessary.

(Goyle grabs his torch and takes it to Brian.)

Brian: Goyle, the tribe has spoken. (Brian extinguishes Goyle's torch.) You'll have to leave now.

(Goyle leaves in silence.)

Brian: Well, this has certainly been an interesting and revealing tribal council to say the least. You all may head back to your camp now. Good night.

(Hogwarts tribe grabs their torches and exits single file out of the hut.)

**END OF EPISODE TWO**

What, did you actually think I was going to eliminate Harry or Ron this early in the game? Ha, child please!

Tribal Council #2 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Goyle (4)

Harry

Hermione

Luna

Neville

Ron (3)

Draco

Crabbe

Goyle

Harry (1)

Ron


	4. Episode 3 Days 7 to 9

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 3

Brian: Last time on Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor, tension among friends surfaced in both tribes. Milhouse adamantly declined Bart's invitation to join his alliance to vote off Lisa. Meanwhile, in the Hogwarts Tribe, Ron accused Harry of trying to steal his girlfriend, Hermione, away from him.

At their first tribal council, the Hogwarts Tribe voted off Goyle, mainly because of his eating the tribe's food and not contributing positively to the team during challenges. Hermione also found out about Harry and Ron fighting over her, a revelation that left her embarrassed and shocked.

Will these broken friendships be mended? Will the Simpsons Tribe actually get a good plotline? With 14 people left, who will be voted off next? Let us pick up where we left off with Day 7.

Simpsons Tribe: Day 7

_Lisa: It's been a week since we were dropped off here in Egypt, and I think our tribe has made great strides during that time. People are working harder, we finally won an immunity challenge and the Hogwarts Tribe seems to be at each other's throats. However, there has been one issue of late…_

(The sun rises in Egypt as Flanders sounds his air horn to wake the tribe up.)

Flanders: Hi-diddly-ho, tribe mates! How about we pray to start the day?

(Everyone else wakes up, glaring angrily at Flanders.)

Flanders: Oh come on now, let's turn those frowns upside down.

(Bart and Homer suddenly get an idea.)

Homer: Hey Flanders, I actually have a better idea…How about a group baptism in the Nile River?

Bart: Yeah, you first Flanders!

Flanders: Why guys, that's a brilliant i-ahh!

(The rest of the Simpsons Tribe pick up Flanders, dump him in the Nile and then promptly go back to sleep. Later that day, Bart and Nelson go hunting with Milhouse tagging along.)

Bart: So Milhouse, any change of heart about my offer?

Milhouse: I'll join your alliance, on one condition.

Nelson: Gee, I wonder what that could be?

Milhouse: (ignoring Nelson) Bart, you have to promise that you won't vote for Lisa before the merger. Please, Bart? I think I might have a chance at landing a date with her.

Bart: Alright Milhouse, you got yourself a deal. Lisa will make it to the merger. Besides, I had someone else in mind to vote off next anyway.

Milhouse: Who could that be?

(Bart, Nelson and Milhouse take a brief break from hunting to discuss their alliance.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 7

(Harry gets ready for another fishing session. Ron, ignoring Harry since last night, stays in the hut while Neville accompanies Harry fishing.)

Harry: (sighs) I don't know what to do about Ron, Neville.

Neville: Do you have feelings for Hermione, Harry?

Harry: Yes, I've had strong feelings for her since the Yule Ball our fourth year, actually.

Neville: Soooo….would you say that Ginny is, you know, available?

Harry: (glances at Neville) You like Ginny? For how long?

Neville: As long as you've had feelings for Hermione.

Harry: (shakes his head) Well, she's all yours mate.

(Neville's face brightens up upon hearing this.)

Harry: On the other hand, I don't know if I should try to pursue a relationship with Hermione right now if it means losing my friendship with Ron.

Neville: Harry, if you love Hermione as much as I think you do, I say go for it, and eventually Ron will come around.

(Meanwhile, Hermione and Luna are out in the nearby forest of palm trees looking for edible plants.)

Hermione: I found some coconuts in this tree.

Luna: Excellent, let's take them back to camp.

(Hermione and Luna are the only ones there when they arrive back at camp.)

Luna: So, how are you holding up after last night?

Hermione: I'm fine. It's just…it's just really hard to see Harry and Ron fighting each other, especially since it's kind of my fault.

Luna: Don't blame yourself Hermione, you can't control their feelings. I'll go talk to Ron tomorrow and see if I can get him to come around.

Hermione: Thank you Luna, that puts my mind at ease a little bit.

_Luna: Hermione thinks I'm talking to Ron for her, but I'm also doing it for myself. I have a certain secret that I have to get off my chest._

Simpsons Tribe, Day 8

(Lisa checks the tree-mail and finds a note in it concerning today's reward challenge. She returns the shelter to reads the challenge to her tribe mates.)

Lisa: Okay guys, it looks like we need to build some sort of sign signaling for help. Any suggestions?

Flanders: How about a giant cross to show our Christian beliefs?

(Groans emit from everyone except Flanders.)

Lisa: Okay, does anyone besides Flanders have an idea?

Milhouse: (raises his hands quickly) I got one!

Lisa: Are you just saying that to impress me?

Milhouse: No, I really have an idea.

Lisa: Alright, let's hear it.

(The tribe huddles around Milhouse to hear his plan.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 8

(After figuring out their plan, the Hogwarts Tribe breaks up to begin work. Ron goes into the woods to chop some wood when he is joined by Luna.)

Ron: Hey Loony, what's up?

Luna: Uhhh…Ron, I was wondering if you could find your way to, perhaps, forgiving Harry?

Ron: (shakes his head) No..can't do it!

Luna: (raising her voice slightly) Ron, have you ever considered that it's up to Hermione who she is going to date and not you?

Ron: (anger abating slightly) I know, but…

Luna: (raising her voice a little bit more) ..and have you ever considered that there may be other girls at Hogwarts that like you?

Ron: What are you getting at?

Luna: DAMNIT RONALD WEASLEY, CAN YOU NOT THINK OF ANYONE ELSE WHO MIGHT LIKE YOU?

Ron: Like who?

Luna: (calming down) I'll give you a hint…

(Luna kisses Ron on the lips. Ron is slightly taken aback at first, but then embraces the moment. The two come apart after about 15 seconds, both of them blushing. Ron breaks the silence.)

Ron: Well uh, I reckon we should get ready for the challenge.

Luna: Yeah…ummm, let's do that.

(Ron and Luna return to gathering wood.)

Day 8: Reward Challenge 

Brian: (in helicopter) For this challenge, our two tribes have been given instructions to create a signal for help using any supplies they may have. Our helicopter will fly by each tribe site twice. Whichever tribe's signal is considered the best by myself, the pilot and the rescue squad experts will be the winner, and the winning tribe will receive a care package of various stuff, including toiletries, an umbrella and a comfy chair. (Looks outside the helicopter) It looks like we're about the pass the Hogwarts Tribe, so let's see what they got.

[The Hogwarts Tribe's signal is "HELP" spelled out in stones with a wooden border surrounding the word. The seven tribe members stand around the sign with their torches lit.]

Brian: Okay, now let's see what the Simpsons Tribe has to offer.

[The Simpsons Tribe has formed a pyramid, with Lisa on top holding a piece of wood with "HELP" written on it. The helicopter does a second pass of each tribe's signal.]

Brian: It was a close contest, but I think we have our winner.

[The helicopter drops the care package in front of the Simpsons Tribe camp. They break up the pyramid and go out to claim their reward.]

Simpsons Tribe, Day 9

(Lisa is setting up the umbrella from the care package they just won when she is joined by Milhouse.)

Milhouse: Need some help?

Lisa: Sure.

(Lisa and Milhouse finish setting up the umbrella right next to the shelter.)

Lisa: You did a great job helping out with the challenge yesterday.

(Lisa gives Milhouse a kiss on the cheek, which makes Milhouse turn beet red.)

Milhouse: Uhhh..ha ha…thanks Lisa.

Lisa: Want to go check the tree-mail for today's immunity challenge?

(Lisa and Milhouse hold hands as they go off to check the tree-mail. Back at the shelter, Bart watches them walk away with a slight look of disdain on his face.)

Day 9: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (reading the Wall Street Journal) Humph, Burger King's stock is up 6 points today

Camera Guy: Umm, Brian….

Brian: (puts away newspaper) Oh yeah, the immunity challenge. Here come our tribes now.

(Hogwarts Tribe and Simpsons Tribe arrive at a sandy 100-yard field with 10 yard zones at each end. The Simpsons Tribe is excited while the Hogwarts Tribe looks puzzled.)

Brian: Okay teams, today we're gonna play a sport that is famous in the Muggle world…Football, or American football as the British call it.

(Hogwarts Tribe groans upon hearing of the challenge.)

Malfoy: Are you serious dog? We don't even know the rules of the sport and you expect us to play it?

Oh, and another thing, how come this is my first line in this episode?

Brian: In order-yes, yes, and I don't know so go ask the author.

(After a brief rules explanation, the two tribes take the field waiting for Brian's signal.)

Brian: First team to 21 wins immunity! Survivors ready….GO!

[The Simpsons Tribe kicks off to the Hogwarts Tribe and the game is underway. The Simpsons Tribe takes a 7-0 lead quickly with an INT return for touchdown by Bart. However, the Hogwarts Tribe hangs in there and scores on their ensuing drive with a 20 yard touchdown run by Hermione to tie the game 7. The Simpsons Tribe counters with a TD run by Lisa, only to have the Hogwarts Tribe tie it up again with a TD pass from Harry to Neville. The two teams fail to score a few times each until the Hogwarts Tribe gets the ball inside the Simpsons Tribes' 15 yard line. Under pressure from Homer and Bart, Harry manages to heave a pass toward the end zone, which is….caught by Ron, sealing the win and immunity for the Hogwarts Tribe. The Hogwarts Tribe is ecstatic while the Simpsons Tribe stands dumbfounded, shocked at losing a football game to a bunch of wizards.]

Brian: Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Hogwarts Tribe, you just won the football game! Here is immunity, you are all safe from tribal council tonight. Simpsons Tribe, on the other hand, I'll see you all tonight.

(Both tribes head back to their campsites.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 9

(The celebration continues amongst the Hogwarts Tribe members. Amidst the joy, Harry taps Ron on the shoulder.)

Harry: Ron, can I talk to you for a minute?

Ron: Okay

(Harry and Ron head down the beach to talk, and Malfoy follows looking to once again eavesdrop.)

Harry: You did a good job on that last play.

Ron: Thanks Harry, but I wouldn't have caught it if it wasn't for your great throw.

(Harry nods in agreement and the two stand there awkwardly for a few moments.)

Both: I'm sorry!

Ron: Oh..you go first.

Harry: I'm sorry about trying to get between you and Hermione. I should have told you earlier about my feelings for her. If you want me to back off…,

Ron: You know, I always thought you and Hermione made a great couple.

Harry: Wait, you're not mad?

Ron: Well, initially I was, but then I had a conversation with Luna yesterday. I talked, she talked, and…(blushes) there may have been a little snogging involved.

Harry: You and Luna? That's great Ron! I had a talk with Neville myself, and he says he fancies Ginny.

Ron: Wow, you and Hermione? Me and Luna? Neville and Ginny? That's some crazy love triangle right there!

Harry: (chuckles) More like a love hexagon to me

(Both laugh at Harry's statement.)

Harry: (hand extended) Friends?

Ron: To the end, mate. (Ron and Harry shake hands, their friendship back together. Malfoy has a look of disappointment on his face. In the distance, Hermione looks upon the sight with a smile on her face. The Golden Trio was back together.)

Tribal Council

(The Simpsons Tribe enters the hut single file and takes their seats. Brian enters via a side door, putting out a cigarette as he takes his seat.)

Brian: Simpsons Tribe, welcome back to tribal council. Things were starting to look up for you all until today, when you got beat at your own sport by the Hogwarts Tribe. Seriously though, what the fuck happened guys?

Lisa: I think they just outsmarted us, had a better game plan, and just played with more effort and determination than we did.

Brian: Obviously. Flanders, the other tribe members have disapproved of your attempts to spread your religion. Do you think that puts you at risk of getting voted off?

Flanders: Personally, I think no one is safe from getting voted off, but my chances are probably a bit higher.

Brian: (looks at watch) Okay, I'm late for my appointment at the tanning booth, so let's go ahead and vote. Lisa, lead us off.

[Lisa heads to the voting booth, and writes down her vote for FLANDERS.]

Lisa: I know you mean well, but you're just a little too preachy. Someone has to go, so it might as well be you.

[Shot of Bart voting, then Moe voting, then Homer votes for MILHOUSE.]

Homer: Normally, I would vote for stupid Flanders, but that Milhouse kid is getting a little too close to my daughter.

[Shot of Nelson voting, Milhouse Voting, then Flanders votes and reveals his choice: HOMER.]

Flanders: I still don't know who voted for me last time, but I'm pretty sure it was Homer. Besides, he's not really contributing to the tribe anyway.

(Flanders puts vote in box and sits back down. Brian grabs vote box and comes back out.)

Brian: I will now read the votes.

(Brian opens box and grabs first vote.)

Brian: First vote is for…Flanders. Second vote…Milhouse…third vote…Homer…fourth vote, Flanders…fifth vote, Milhouse…sixth Vote, Milhouse….and the last vote is…Flanders.

(Simpsons Tribe looks perplexed.)

Brian: Well, in the event of a tie, I will pick one tribe member to cast another vote. Let's see here…Nelson, go vote again, and this time you can only vote for Milhouse or Ned.

(Nelson votes again quickly and gives the paper to Brian.)

Brian: Alright, Nelson's second vote is for…Milhouse!

(Milhouse, shocked, grabs his torch.)

Brian: Milhouse, the tribe has spoken.

(Brian puts out Milhouse's torch. Milhouse leaves, on the verge of tears.)

Brian: You all live to fight and survive another three days. Head on back to camp.

(The Simpsons grabs their torches and exits the hut.)

**END OF EPISODE THREE**

Tribal Council #3 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Milhouse (4)

Homer

Bart

Nelson

Nelson*

Ned (3)

Milhouse

Moe

Lisa

Homer (1)

Ned

*- tiebreaker vote


	5. Episode 4 Days 10 to 12

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 4

Brian: Previously on Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor, one friendship was mended while the other fell apart in an act of deception and betrayal. After a few days of anger and ignoring each other, Harry and Ron apologized to each other and reformed their friendship and alliance, thanks in no small part to Luna confessing her love for Ron.

However, at the Simpsons Tribe, it was a whole other story altogether. Bart once again offered Milhouse a spot in his alliance with Nelson, and Milhouse accepted on the condition that Lisa would make it to the merger. The two friends had seemingly made up, but that all changed after the Simpsons Tribe was upset in American football by the Hogwarts Tribe and were forced to go to tribal council. In the vote, Bart and Nelson turned their back on Milhouse, with a second tiebreaker vote by Nelson kicking Milhouse out of the game.

What will be the consequences of Bart's stab in the back? When will Harry tell Hermione how he really feels about her? Who will be the next castaway voted off? Let's find out…

Simpsons Tribe, Day 10

_Bart: Yeah, about last night…Well, my deal with Milhouse was that Lisa would make it to the merger. I didn't say anything about him making it to the merger._

(Bart wakes up to the sight of Lisa glaring down at him with a dagger stare.)

Bart: What's eating you Lis?

Lisa: (staring at him accusingly) Bart, would you happen to know how Milhouse got voted off last night?

Bart: Homer, Nelson and I voted for him.

Lisa: (tears welling up in eyes) You just can't stand to see me or MIlhouse happy, can you?

Bart: Lis, I didn't know…

Lisa: I don't want to hear it Bart! (cries and walks away)

Nelson: Trouble with the sis, Bart?

Bart: (sighs) Yeah man. I still say we voted for the right person though. What time is it anyway?

Nelson: (looks at watch surprised) About half past ten…I'm surprised we didn't get the early wake up call from Flanders.

Bart: Probably took the hint last night and decided to stop doing it.

_Flanders: I was really hoping to bring some new Christians into the flock, but I believe that last night's near elimination was a sign from God to stop being so preachy and just play the game._

Bart: Anyway, I think we should bring someone in to replace Milhouse.

Nelson: Good idea, except who is going to trust us after what we did to Milhouse?

(Out of the corner of his eye, Bart sees Moe emerging from the woods.)

Moe: Hey, how ya doin there Bart?

Bart: Great Moe! How about a round of coconut juice for the three of us?

Moe: Yeah sure, no problem.

(Moe goes over to makeshift bar that he made out of two crates and a tree trunk. He pours coconut juice into three empty coconut shells, and the trio shares a drink.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 10

(Harry and Ron are out fishing by the Nile.)

Ron: Ya got a bite mate?

Harry: Nothing. I hope we get something soon because I'm starving.

(Harry and Ron's stomachs grumble to confirm Harry's statement.)

Ron: So, you tell Hermione yet?

Harry: Tell her what?

Ron: Well, you know…

Harry: (shakes his head) Not yet. I'm waiting for the right moment.

Ron: Well, you better do it soon. You never know when you or Hermione could be eliminated.

Harry: If the three of us work together with Neville and Luna, then I should have plenty of time to muster the courage to tell her.

(Harry and Ron return to shelter after a few hours of fishing with only 2 fish to show for their efforts. Hermione and Luna await them.)

Hermione: So, not much luck today?

(Harry and Ron shakes their heads.)

Hermione: Well, on the bright side, Luna and I found a nice spring of freshwater in the oasis today.

Ron: Thank bloody Merlin, our initial water supplies were starting to dwindle.

Harry: Hey, have you guys seen Neville today?

Luna: No, I can't say that I have.

Hermione: Well, I'm sure he's just looking for food or water somewhere.

Ron: Yeah, or he's being recruited by Malfoy and Crabbe.

Luna: Nonsense! Neville would never betray us.

Harry: Then again, no one thought Bart would betray Milhouse.

(The four end the conversation as they prepare for lunch.)

_Harry: As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think we can trust Neville right now. We don't really see much of him nor do we see much of Malfoy or Crabbe, and we all heard about what happened to Milhouse last night. I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but it is rather suspicious. _

Day 11: Reward Challenge

Brian: (drinking a mojito) Yeah, I don't think it's a gay drink…MO-JI- TOOOOOO!

Cameraman: Uh, Brian…

Brian: (slightly drunk) Yeah yeah, whatever, just bring in the fuckin tribes.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons tribe arrive at another makeshift sand field, except this is slightly larger and with three circular goals on each end. In the middle of the field are two piles of broomsticks. The Hogwarts Tribe has knowing looks on their faces while the Simpsons Tribe looks baffled.)

Brian: So, for today's reward challenge, I figured since we played a sport the Simpsons Tribe was familiar with at the last challenge, we'll play a sport that the Hogwarts Tribe is familiar with. Therefore, today we will be playing a game of Quidditch. However, there will be a few differences from the game that the Hogwarts Tribe is used to. First and foremost, these brooms are not magical, so you will need to run while holding a broom as if you're actually riding it. Secondly, since we don't have a Golden Snitch, we have found a suitable replacement. (Brian walks over to a cage on the beach.) Ladies and gentleman, I give you my fellow Family Guy cast member and the Golden Snitch for today's match, Greased Up Deaf Guy!

(Brian opens the cage and a naked white man covered in grease and starts running around the Quidditch pitch. Everyone except Brian looks at the man with disgust, and a few of them are about to throw up. After a brief rules explanation, Brian continues.)

Brian: Before we begin, Hogwarts Tribe, you are up a person, so I need you to choose one person to sit out.

(Harry and Ron look at each other. The answer is obvious.)

Hermione: Okay fine, I'm going.

Brian: Hermione is sitting out this challenge for the Hogwarts Tribe. Survivors, get into your positions. (whispering to Hermione) By the way, you are looking mighty fine today baby.

Hermione: (revolted) Ewww….I think I'll stand there for the duration of the challenge. (Hermione walks over to other side of field)

Brian: (tipsy) Well fine, be that way.

[The teams prepare for the 6 on 6 Quidditch match. For the Hogwarts Tribe, Ron is the Keeper, Luna and Neville are the Chasers, Crabbe and Malfoy are the Beaters, and Harry is, of course, the Seeker. For the Simpsons Tribe, Homer is the Keeper, Flanders and Lisa are Chasers, Nelson and Moe are Beaters and Bart is the Seeker. The participants get on their brooms and await Brian's signal.]

Brian: Survivors Ready, and GO!

[Neville grabs the Quaffle in the center of the field and the game begins. The Hogwarts Tribe dominates early, as Neville and Luna score three quick goals against Homer, who is not quick enough to react. The Simpsons Tribe is able to muster a few goals themselves , as they close the gap to 70-30 in favor of the Hogwarts Tribe. Meanwhile, Harry and Bart battle each other to catch Greased Up Deaf Guy. Suddenly, Nelson hits Harry in the head with a Bludger. Harry falls to the ground and Hermione gasps on the sidelines. Bart, with no one challenging him, is able to just get a hold on Greased Up Deaf Guy to win the match for the Simpsons Tribe.]

Brian: Game over, Simpsons Tribe wins!

(The Simpsons Tribe celebrates while the Hogwarts Tribe experiences shock similar to what the Simpsons Tribe felt after the last challenge.)

Brian: Congratulations Simpsons Tribe, now let me show you what you all have won!

(Brian grabs a crate and opens it up to reveal brand new fishing and culinary equipment. The Simpsons Tribe revels in their new loot, as Bart grabs a fishing pole while Lisa checks out the new filet knife. Meanwhile, Harry comes to and Hermione runs over to him and kisses him on the cheek, glad that her friend is okay. Then, they walk back to camp with the rest of the dejected Hogwarts Tribe.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 11

Flanders: Hey Lisa, with this new fishing pole, I caught several fishies in a jiffy!

Lisa: (chuckling at Flander's little rhyme) That's great! It gives me a chance to test out the new filet knife.

(Lisa cuts the fish with the filet knife while Homer relaxes in a hammock the Simpsons Tribe won in a previous reward challenge. Bart walks over to join them.)

Bart: Hey Lis, need some help?

(Lisa ignores him, continuing with the task.)

Bart: Oh come on, you're still mad about that?

(Lisa still ignores him.)

Bart: You know, if I hadn't caught Greased Up Deaf Guy, you wouldn't be using that knife right now!

(Lisa looks up, glaring at Bart.)

Lisa: Don't think your minor accomplishment today changes anything. (Lisa resumes with cutting the fish.)

Bart: Fine then! I come here and extend the olive branch, and you spit in my face. Lisa, you've made yourself a powerful enemy.

(Bart walks away, leaving Lisa alone to prepare the fish.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 11

(Still a little woozy from the bludger to the head, Harry is lying down on a bench next to the fire while Ron and Luna talk in the shelter and Hermione prepares dinner.)

Harry: Hey Hermione.

Hermione: Yes, Harry?

(Ron and Luna go into the woods to give Harry and Hermione some privacy.)

Harry: Umm…uhh..I just wanted to thank you for checking up on me after the match.

Hermione: Of course Harry, you're my best friend. You mean the world to me.

Harry: (sits up and smiles) You're my best friend too. In fact, you've been my best friend ever since that time Ron and I saved you from the troll. (Hermione blushes) Actually, for some time, I've considered you as (Harry pauses and musters up that Gryffindor courage) as even more than a friend, more like a soul mate, someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

(By the time Harry is done speaking, Hermione is beginning to cry.)

Harry: Are you alright?

Hermione: (dries her eyes) Oh Harry, I'm…I'm more than alirght! I've been waiting for you to say that for so long. You know why I tried to look so nice at the Yule Ball? It was to impress you, Harry. I tried to get your attention, but you didn't notice.

Harry: Oh Hermione, I noticed. It was that moment that made me fall in love with you. The only reason I didn't make a move is because I thought Ron wanted to date you. Now that he's dating Luna, I can do what I wanted to do when I saw you that night!

(Harry locks lips with Hermione and the two kiss. After a few minutes, the two finally break apart, both of them blushing and looking lovingly into each other's eyes.)

Harry: So….umm, need help with the dinner?

Hermione: No…no, you sit and rest.

(Hermione kisses Harry on the forehead and Harry lies back down to rest. Even though his head is hurting, he had never been happier in his entire life.)

Day 12: Immunity Challenge

Stewie Griffin: (looking at video monitor) Well, it's about dang time you told her Harry!

Cameraman: Stewie, you're on!

Stewie: (turns around) Oh, hi there! The dog has a bit of a hangover from all those mojitos yesterday, so I'm taking over as host temporarily. With that being said, let's bring out the tribes for today's immunity challenge.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribes arrive.)

Stewie: Okay tribes, today's immunity challenge is simple. I need five members from each team to answer trivia questions about the opposing tribe.

(Hermione, Luna, Malfoy, Neville and Harry step forward for the Hogwarts Tribe while Bart, Lisa, Flanders, Moe and Nelson step forward for the Simpsons Tribe.)

Stewie: Whichever team answers the most questions correctly wins immunity for their team. Hermione, I'll start with you. What is the address of the Simpsons residence?

Hermione: 742 Evergreen Terrace.

Stewie: Correct, point to the Hogwarts Tribe.

[The Hogwarts Tribe answers four of five questions correctly. The Simpsons Tribe answers three of its first four correctly. Nelson is last up and needs to answer his question correctly to force a tiebreaker.]

Stewie: Nelson, what is the name of the hippogriff from the Prisoner of Azkaban?

(Nelson, having no clue, blurts out the first answer that comes to mind.)

Nelson: Ummm….Scabbers?

Stewie: Oh, sorry! That was the name of Ron's rat. We were looking for Buckbeak. Hogwarts Tribe, you win by a score of 4 to 3 and retain the immunity idol. Simpsons Tribe, you are going to Tribal Council for the second straight time.

(The Hogwarts Tribe celebrates while the demoralized Simpsons Tribe heads back to camp.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 12

Bart: Okay, so we're all in agreement then?

Moe: Yeah, I guess so. Whatever you say Bart, you're the boss.

_Moe: At the beginning of the game, I was trying to lay low and just be the guy that serves everybody drinks. However, I am starting to see the benefits of this little alliance thing._

Homer: Lisa, I can't vote him off.

Lisa: Why not?

Flanders: Now Lisa, as the Bible says, obey thy father and thy mother.

Tribal Council

(The Simpsons Tribe solemnly enters the hut and takes their seats)

Brian: Oh gosh, my head! No more mojitos for a while. (Looks up and sees Simpsons Tribe) Wait, you guys again?

(Simpsons Tribe nods their heads.)

Brian: I have the world's largest hangover right now, so just go ahead and vote so I can go back to bed! Homer, lead us off.

[Homer walks over to the voting booth and casts his vote for FLANDERS.]

Homer: I repeat, Stupid Flanders!

[Shot of Flanders Voting, Nelson Voting, then Lisa votes and shows it to the camera: BART.]

Lisa: This is for Milhouse, Bart. How dare you betray your best friend like that.

[Shot of Moe voting, then Bart votes, puts in the bucket and returns to his seat. Brian then grabs the bucket.]

Brian: Voted off…decision is final…etc. etc. I'm reading the votes. (Opens the bucket and takes out a piece of paper.) First vote is for…Flanders. Second vote is for…Bart….Third Vote is for…Bart…Fourth Vote..Flanders…Fifth Vote...Flanders…and the last vote is for ….Flanders! (Flanders grabs his torch and walks over to Brian.)

Brian: Ned Flanders, the tribe has spoken. (Brian extinguishes the torch and Flanders leaves through a side door.) Well, now you are down by two members to the Hogwarts Tribe. It's time to get your act together, or the Hogwarts Tribe is going to have the vast majority of people at the merger. You may head back to camp.

(The remaining five members of the Simpsons Tribe grab their torches and head back to camp.)

**END OF EPISODE FOUR**

Tribal Council #4 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Flanders (4)

Bart

Homer

Nelson

Moe

Bart (2)

Lisa

Flanders


	6. Episode 5 Days 13 to 15

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 5

Brian: A lot has happened in the past three days here in Egypt. In the Simpsons Tribe, Bart gained an ally in bartender Moe Syzlak, who replaced Milhouse in Bart and Nelson's alliance. However, Bart also has a new enemy: his sister Lisa, who was starting to like Milhouse before Bart betrayed him and voted him off. The Simpsons Tribe also won its second straight reward challenge, as they somehow beat the Hogwarts Tribe in a Quidditch Match when Bart caught Greased Up Deaf Guy. For their upset victory, the Simpsons Tribe won new fishing and culinary equipment.

In the Hogwarts Tribe, some of the castaways began to grow suspicious of not seeing Neville around very often. The biggest event at Hogwarts camp though, was Harry Potter finally confessing his love for Hermione Granger, a love that Hermione reciprocated in a passionate kiss. At the immunity challenge, the Hogwarts Tribe won a game of trivia, forcing the Simpsons Tribe into tribal council for the second time in a row. Despite Ned Flanders vowing to quit his attempts at converting fellow tribe members to Christianity, he was still voted off by a 4-2 vote, as Lisa failed to put together an alliance to vote off Bart.

Now two castaways down, can the Simpsons Tribe rebound? Where is Neville and what is he up to? Who will be the next person voted off? The next three days should be interesting…

Simpsons Tribe, Day 13

_Lisa: To say that the morale at camp is down right now would be an understatement. We've won some reward challenges, which is nice, but we haven't been winning the immunity challenges that matter more. If any of us wants to win this game, we have to be on the same page, at least until the merger. Therefore, I have reluctantly decided to apologize to Bart._

(Lisa walks to the shore of the Nile where Bart is fishing. Bart turns around and notices her.)

Bart: (sighs) What now Lisa?

Lisa: Bart, I'm still angry with you about Milhouse…

Bart: (interrupts) You walked all the way to shore just to say THAT?

Lisa: (anger rising but she remains calm) You didn't let me finish. I'm still angry with you about Milhouse, but if either of us wants to win this game, we have to unite as a team and win some immunity challenges.

Bart: As much as I hate to admit this, you're right Lisa. Just consider this a temporary cease fire until the merger.

Lisa: That's exactly what I was looking for. Thanks Bart! (turns around to go back to shore)

Bart: Oh, and Lis…just remember, the key word in that statement is temporary.

(Bart and Lisa stare each other down for a few seconds before Lisa resumes her walk back to camp. She returns to see Moe chopping wood, Nelson boiling water on the fire and Homer relaxing on the hammock as always.)

_Homer: You know, as little as I've done since being here, I'm surprised that I'm still in the game. I guess lying low early on turned out to be a good strategy. By the way camera guy, do you happen to have any donuts? Beer? Donut-flavored beer? You don't? D'OH!_

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 13

(Harry wakes up just as the sun rises in the eastern sky. He puts on his glasses, looks to his right, and sees Hermione lying down next to him, still sound asleep. Smiling, Harry gives her a peck on the cheek.)

Harry: (whispering) Morning, beautiful.

Hermione: (wakes up, smiling up at Harry) Morning, gorgeous.

Harry: Sun is rising. Care to go for a walk?

Hermione: (yawning) I'd love to.

(Harry and Hermione leave the shelter and walk down the beach.)

_Ron: Jealousy? Nah, there isn't any. I'm really happy for Harry and Hermione. Hermione and I dated for a while back at Hogwarts, but she seems to be so much happier with Harry, and Harry appears to be much more cheerful as well. Besides, I've gotten to know Luna well over the past few days, and I'm surprised at just how much we have in common._

(Ron and Luna are fishing together on the shores of the Nile River.)

Ron: Wow, I never knew you were a fan of the Chudley Cannons.

Luna: Oh yes! In fact, if my father did not forbid it, I would play Quidditch all the time.

Ron: Really? Why does your father not let you play Quidditch?

Luna: He's worried that threstrals might knock me off my broom.

Ron: Well, if you spend some time at the Burrow, we'll play some Quidditch. We can team up against Fred, George and Ginny.

Luna: I'd like that…(her fishing pole starts moving) woah Ron, I think I got a bite!

Ron: Here, I'll help ya. (Ron grabs the fishing pole to help her out. They touch hands for a brief moment as they work together, finally snatching a big fish out of the river.) Bloody hell! Well, it looks like we're going to eat good tonight.

(Ron and Luna head back to camp with their massive haul. Meanwhile, Malfoy is having a conversation with Crabbe down shore.)

Crabbe: So, when are we going to do it Malfoy?

Malfoy: In two days time, after the immunity challenge.

Day 14: Reward Challenge

Brian: (eating chocolate) I….LOVE…CHOCOLATE! I can't eat it though because then I'll get fat!

Cameraman: Uhh Brian…

Brian: Oh right, let's bring in the tribes.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribes arrive at challenge.)

Brian: Okay castways, the reward for today's challenge will be a week's supply of chocolate…(looks at crate) however, I already ate half of it waiting for you guys, so now it's probably more like a three day's supply. (groans from the 12 remaining castaways) Anyway, to win what's left of the chocolate, you need to win a five-leg relay race. You will be running down the beach with a torch, passing off the torch to the next tribe member. The tribe member running the last leg of the relay needs to run all the way to the fire pit at the end of the beach and light the fire. The first team to have their fire lit wins the challenge. Hogwarts Tribe, I'm going to need two members to sit out this challenge. (Luna and Crabbe stand beside Brian.) Luna and Crabbe are sitting out for the Hogwarts Tribe. Everyone else, get into your positions and wait for my signal.

[The relay legs for each team are (in order): Bart, Homer, Moe, Lisa, Nelson for the Simpsons Tribe, and Ron, Malfoy, Neville, Hermione and Harry for the Hogwarts Tribe.]

Brian: Survivors Ready, and GO!

[Bart and Ron run the first leg and and are dead even as they hand off their torches to Homer and Malfoy. However, due to Homer's less than superior fitness levels, Malfoy builds up a healthy lead as he hands off the torch to Neville. About thirty seconds later, Homer hands it off to Moe, who manages to close the gap a little on Neville with surprising speed. Neville hands off the torch to Hermione about ten seconds before Moe hands his off to Lisa. Thanks to her longer legs, Hermione is able to build the gap back up a little bit as she hands off the torch to Harry with about a fifteen second gap before Lisa hands her's off to Nelson. Nelson makes a valiant effort to try to catch up, but it is to no avail as Harry lights up his tribe's fire before Nelson can get a chance to arrive at his fire pit. Hogwarts Tribe wins.]

Brian: Hogwarts Tribe, congratulations! The chocolate is yours!

(Hogwarts Tribe celebrates and grabs the chocolate. The Simpsons Tribe, especially Bart, stare hungrily at the boxes. Harry, Ron and Hermione share a look of guilt.)

Ron: Hey guys, you want a couple of boxes to take back with you?

(Homer crawls over to Ron, kneeling over and kissing his hand.)

Homer: Oh, thank you! THANK YOU!

Ron: Bloody hell mate, it's just chocolate!

(Hermione hands a couple boxes of chocolate to the Simpsons Tribe.)

Hermione: I never thought I'd see the day that Ron Weasley turned down free food.

(Harry, Ron and Hermione share a laugh as they follow their tribe members back to camp.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 14

(Homer is wolfing down the sweets before Lisa grabs the box from his hands.)

Lisa: Dad, we need to ration these chocolates. Remember, we still have about 25 days left here in Egypt.

Homer: D'OH! (sighs) Alright Lisa!

Lisa: (glances at Bart eating chocolates) Same goes for you Bart!

Bart: Well well well, who died and made you leader of the tribe?

Lisa: (glaring at Bart) I've been the leader of this tribe since DAY ONE!

Bart: Have not.

Lisa: Have to.

Bart: Have not.

Lisa: Have to. (Bart and Lisa are in each other's face, staring each other down angrily.)

Bart: (backing off and smirking) Okay sis, have it your way. Enjoy your role as leader of the tribe, but just remember which one of us has the alliance around here.

(Bart walks away, leaving Lisa alone with a now sleeping Homer.)

_Lisa: As much as I hate to admit it, Bart is right. He's the one with the alliance, so ultimately he's the one with all the power and influence in our tribe right now. However, I refuse to join his little alliance, so winning tomorrow's immunity challenge is a must for me, or else I'll being reunited with Milhouse sooner than I thought I'd be._

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 14

(Harry and Hermione are sitting by the fire. Ron and Luna have already fallen asleep in each other's arm. Harry grabs a piece of chocolate from a nearby box.)

Harry: Open up you. (Hermione turns to look at him) Don't you trust me?

Hermione: (smiling and blushing) Duh, of course I do Harry. It's just I've never been a huge fan of chocolate, being from a family of dentists and all.

Harry: Have you even tried it before?

Hermione: No.

Harry: Well, come on then. (handing her the chocolate) Don't knock it until you try it.

(Reluctantly, Hermione takes the piece of chocolate, puts it in her mouth and swallows.)

Hermione: Alright, that was pretty good actually. I don't think I'll make it a regular part of my diet though.

Harry: Fine by me. Wouldn't want to ruin that fantastic figure of yours! (Harry wraps his arms around Hermione as they both hug each other.)

Hermione: (yawning) Well, I'm off to bed. You coming with?

Harry: Don't worry, I'll be right behind you.

(Harry and Hermione head to the shelter while a couple of shadowy figures watch from down shore.)

Day 15: Immunity Challenge

Brian: Once again, it's time for an immunity chall…

Cameraman: (interrupting) Uhh Brian…

Brian: WHAT? I was right on cue this time!

Cameraman: Yeah sorry, I've just gotten used to you doing something before I tell you that you're on.

Brian: Don't sweat it kid. (lights up a cigar) Anyway, it's time for out next immunity challenge. Down two castaways, it is critical that the Simpsons Tribe wins the immunity idol today or they could be in serious trouble. (looks off in the distance) Looks like our tribes have just arrived.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribes arrive at site of challenge.)

Brian: Tribes, for today's challenge, we're going to have a little bit of a scavenger hunt. Each team has been provided with a map. On that map is the location of three luxury items that the opposing tribe brought with them to camp.

Bart: So that's where my slingshot went?

Hermione: And my copy of _Hogwarts: A History?_

Brian: Don't worry, you'll get your luxury items back after the challenge is over. So, the rules are simple: find your opponent's three luxury items, dig them up and bring them back here and put them on your table. The first team to do this wins immunity. Hogwarts Tribe, I'm going to need two people to sit this one out, and it cannot be the same people as last time. (Malfoy and Ron stand beside Brian.) Okay, Malfoy and Ron are sitting this one out. Any more questions? (silence) Well, without further ado, survivors ready and GO!

[Both teams head off into the nearby oasis of palm trees to search for their three items. The Simpsons Tribe, with the guidance of Lisa, reaches their first item first and dig up Ron's deluminator that he received from Dumbledore. Shortly after that, the Hogwarts find and retrieve Homer's beer hat. The teams are neck and neck as they both locate and dig up the second items (Hermione's _Hogwarts: A History_ and Bart's slingshot) in short order. The Simpsons Tribe grab a slight lead as the Hogwarts Tribe gets briefly lost. The Simpsons tribe digs up the third item, Harry's Invisibility Cloak, and starts to head toward the finish. However, the Hogwarts Tribe, having just dug up Lisa's diary, is close on their heels. It is a foot race to the finish as the two tribes emerge from the oasis. The slight advantage that the Simpsons Tribe got in retrieving their third item proves to be enough as they put the three items on the table just moments before the Hogwarts Tribe arrives. The Simpsons Tribe wins and celebrates.]

Brian: Congratulations Simpsons Tribe! You have broken your losing streak in immunity challenges. Here is the immunity idol, you five will spend at least three more days here. (hands them the idol, which Homer hoists over his head) Hogwarts Tribe, for the first time in nine days, you all will be headed to tribal council.

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 15

(Harry, Hermione, Ron and Luna are sitting around the fire talking about the upcoming tribal council.)

Ron: So Harry, who do we vote off?

Harry: (shakes his head) I don't know… Either Neville or Malfoy.

Luna: Harry, I don't know about Neville. Sure, we haven't seen a lot of him, but we don't have any proof the he is evil.

Hermione: Let's just discuss this later. In the meantime, I'm going to prepare dinner.

Ron: Alright, Luna and I will grab some plants and water from the oasis. Coming sweetie?

Luna: Right behind you love. (Ron and Luna disappear behind a palm tree and into the oasis.)

Hermione: (smiling) Well, they sure do make quite the couple, don't they?

Harry: (staring down) Oh yeah, they seem to be very happy together.

Hermione: (looking at Harry concerned) Is something wrong?

Harry: I don't know. I just get this strange feeling something bad is about to happen. It's probably nothing.

(Harry and Hermione keep talking for a few minutes. Then, all of a sudden, they hear screaming and Ron emerges from the oasis.)

Ron: HARRY! HERMIONE! COME QUICK…SOMETHING HAPPENED TO LUNA!

(Harry and Hermione run into the oasis behind Ron, following them over to the spring of water, where they see Luna, except she has bruises and cuts all over her body and huge bite marks on her leg and torso.)

Hermione: Ron, what happened?

Ron: (distraught and on the verge of tears) I don't…I don't know. We were looking for plants, and…and..she separated to go get water (crying) and….and…I just found her like this!

(Harry and Hermione try their best to comfort Ron when they notice Luna regaining consciousness.)

Harry: Luna? Luna, do you know what happened to you?

Luna: (clearly in pain, speaking faintly) I don't know much. I just remember walking over to the spring, and then from out of nowhere, a snake attacked me. I didn't get a good glimpse of it, but… but it almost looked like a mini basilisk, and then it just vanished out of thin air. That's when I lost consciousness.

Harry: I'm going to fetch a medical team at once. Hang in there Luna. (Harry dashes out of the woods to find the onsite medical crew.)

Hermione: Vanished? It must have been summoned magically, but that can't be. Our wands were all confiscated before the game started. Unless…unless someone brought more than one wand with them.

Ron: IT WAS MALFOY! IT HAD TO BE THAT LITTLE FERRET!

Hermione: Ron, calm down. We're going to figure out who did this and we're going to get them disqualified.

(Harry comes back with the medical crew. Luna is put on a stretcher and is given a respirator to help her breathe. Brian approaches the Golden Trio.)

Brian: Where's the rest of your tribe?

Harry: We don't know.

Brian: Well, anyway, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is you guys don't have to go to tribal council tonight. The bad news is that Luna's injuries are severe enough that she won't be able to continue and will have to drop out of the competition.

Ron: IT WAS MALFOY, OR CRABBE, OR NEVILLE! THEY USED MAGIC! THEY HAVE TO BE DISQUALIFIED!

Brian: Ron, I understand how hard this must be for you, but unless we have proof that one of your tribe members used magic to conjure the snake, then I'm afraid we can't disqualify them. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do.

(Ron runs over to Luna's stretcher before she is put in the helicopter.)

Ron: Get better luv! (kisses her on the cheek) I promise you, justice will be served! Either Harry, Hermione or I is going to win this…for you!

(Luna smiles at Ron as she is put in the helicopter. The Golden Trio wave as the helicopter takes off and flies into the distance.)

Hermione: (sighs) Well, this changes everything.

Harry: Yeah, but at least we still have each other.

(Harry, Ron and Hermione hug each other and then head back to camp.)

(Meanwhile, back in the oasis…)

Malfoy: Good job, you've done well my new friend!

(Neville emerges from the woods)

Neville: Yes, indeed I have.

**END OF EPISODE FIVE**

No tribal council


	7. Episode 6 Days 16 to 18

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 6

Brian: On our last episode, the feud at the Simpsons Tribe between Bart and Lisa continued. However, with their team down two tribe members, both Bart and Lisa reluctantly agreed to come together as a team to win some immunity challenges and get back in the game. At first, this strategy did not work out, as the Hogwarts Tribe won the five-leg torch relay reward challenge to win their tribe some chocolate. Then came a very critical immunity challenge for the Simpsons Tribe, a challenge that they won by being the first team to retrieve three luxury items from the opposing tribe that were hidden in the oasis of palm trees.

The Hogwarts Tribe was about to head to tribal council when tragedy struck. While fetching water from a nearby spring in the oasis, Luna was viciously attacked by what she described as a "mini basilisk." While not life-threatening, Luna's injuries were severe enough to force her to withdraw from the competition. Then, our cameras caught Malfoy congratulating Neville of all people on a job well done.

Will Harry, Ron and Hermione be able to prove that Neville summoned the snake with magic and get him disqualified, or will Neville, Malfoy and Crabbe pick off the Golden Trio one by one? Will the author actually give the Simpsons Tribe a decent plotline? Who will be the next castaway voted off? All this and more in the 6th episode of Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor.

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 16

(Harry is asleep, dreaming about walking down a beach while holding hands with Hermione. Then, all of a sudden, it gets really cold and the sky grows dark. Out of nowhere, a giant snake appears and begins to attack Hermione. Harry tries to grab his wand, but it is not there. The snake begins to drag Hermione away, but Harry is unable to chase after her. He hears a loud, sinister laugh just before waking up in the shelter, his body pouring in sweat.)

Harry: (sitting up) Hermione? Hermione, where are you?

(Right beside Harry, Hermione wakes up and looks over to Harry with concern.)

Hermione: Harry, what's wrong?

Harry: (looking over at Hermione with relief) Oh thank god, it was just a nightmare!

Hermione: What nightmare?

Harry: (calming down) We were walking together on the beach when suddenly a snake appeared out of nowhere and attacked you, and I couldn't do anything about it. I had no wand and I couldn't move.

Hermione: (hugging Harry and stroking his hair) Well it's alright…it was just a nightmare.

Harry: Hermione, promise me you won't leave. Please promise you won't go anywhere on your own until we have this snake mystery figured out!

Hermione: Harry, I can take care of myself.

Harry: I believe you Hermione, but I just don't know what I would do if you ended up like Luna. Please Hermione, stay by my side.

Hermione: (embraces Harry) Harry, I'm not going anywhere.

(Harry returns the hug and they look at the sunrise in the sky.)

Harry: Want to go fish with me?

Hermione: I've never fished before, (smiling) but I guess there's a first time for everything.

(Harry and Hermione grab their makeshift fishing poles. As they walk towards the shore, they spot a little, yellow-skinned girl running towards them.)

Harry: Hey, that looks like the girl from the Simpsons Tribe….what's her name?

Hermione: Lisa

Harry: Yeah that's right…what do you think she wants?

(Lisa stops running right in front of Harry and Hermione and takes a moment to catch her breath.)

Hermione: Lisa, is everything alright?

Lisa: (still breathing heavily from the physical exertion) Yeah, everything's fine with our tribe. We heard about the snake attack near your camp last night though. I'm very sorry to hear about your friend Luna getting hurt.

Harry: Thanks for your concern Lisa.

Lisa: I ran down here before the rest of my tribe woke up because I want to help you guys catch the culprit.

Harry: Really? That's great! Thanks Lisa.

Lisa: I want to search the spring for clues, but I don't want to be seen by your other tribe members.

Hermione: Hmmmm…..(gets an idea) Harry, didn't you bring your dad's Invisibility Cloak with you as your luxury item?

Harry: (hit with a sudden look of realization) Yes, yes I did! Wow, I can't believe I didn't think about using it before. Hermione, you're a genius! (Harry kisses her on the cheek and Hermione blushes)

Lisa: Awww…you guys make a cute couple.

(Both Harry and Hermione blush as Harry runs toward the shelter to grab his invisibility cloak. He bumps into Ron, who is just waking up.)

Ron: (groggy) Bloody hell mate, what are you in such a hurry for?

Harry: Just grabbing my invisibility cloak (looks around the shelter to find no one else there) Where are the others?

Ron: I don't know. I just woke up.

(Back in the forest of palm trees, the new alliance of Malfoy, Crabbe and Neville meet.)

Malfoy: Excellent work disposing of Luna, Longbottom!

Neville: Thank you Malfoy! Might I recommend going after the Mudblood next?

Malfoy: No. Granger and Potter have become inseparable, and there's no way we could take on both at once. Weasley, on the other hand, is a much easier target.

Crabbe: Should we conjure another snake, Malfoy?

Malfoy: (thinking) Actually, summoning a snake two times in a row would seem suspicious. I think a tribal council vote should suffice.

Neville: Very well. You're the boss mate. (The meeting ends and the trio heads back towards camp.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 16

_Bart: I've looked all around the camp, and I haven't seen Lisa all day. Her absence is a welcome breath of fresh air, if you ask me. Without her bossing around and making us do chores, the rest of the tribe has decided to play a little game of 2-on-2 football._

(Bart throws a pass to Nelson, who easily runs past Homer for a touchdown. As the duo celebrates, they notice Lisa walking back towards camp.)

Bart: (looking at her suspiciously) Where have you been all day?

Lisa: I went to visit the Hogwarts Tribe to make sure everyone was alright after yesterday's attack. I also helped them try to figure out who conjured the snake. I didn't find any evidence though.

Bart: (snorts and looks at his sister) Look at you aiding the enemy! Whose side are you on anyway?

Lisa: (yelling) Well, excuse me for caring about the safety of others Bart!

Bart: (smirks) You know, I don't blame you for hanging out with them. With my strong alliance, you'd probably get along better with them anyway.

(Lisa looks at Bart with contempt before walking back to the shelter to get some rest.)

_Lisa: I can't believe Bart's behavior since we've been here! I mean, he's never really been nice to me on a regular basis back in Springfield, but he's not this mean to me at home either! It's almost as if he left all his compassion, respect and moral fiber behind before getting here! If I want to stand any chance of making the merger, I need to talk Moe and Nelson into leaving Bart's alliance and just voting off people based on merit. Take Homer for example. What has he done for the tribe since getting here? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! If anyone should go home, it's him._

_Homer: Whose side am I on? What are you talking about? (pause) Oh, the fight between Lisa and Bart….meh._

Day 17: Reward Challenge

Brian: (holding one of the wands he confiscated at the beginning) So, how does this thing create a martini anyway?

Cameraman: Uhhhhh Brian…

Brian: (looks at camera and puts wand away) Once again, I'm here by the beach awaiting the arrival of our two tribes for the next reward challenge.

(Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes arrive for reward challenge.)

Brian: Greetings castaways. It's nice to see that everyone's okay after the attack on Luna. For our reward challenge today, you all will be swimming out to the big buoys as a team. Hogwarts Tribe, your buoy is the black on on the left, and the Simpsons Tribe, your buoy is the yellow one on the right. Once all team members are there, you will need to dive down into the water, grab the five flags, and then swim back to shore with the flags. The first time to have all five team members cross the finish line with all five flags is the winner. The winning tribe will be rewarded with this set of comfy camping chairs. (opens box to reveal several folding chairs with cup holders and arm rests. Some oohs and ahhs emit from the group of castaways.) Hogwarts Tribe, I'm going to need one member to sit out this challenge. (Everyone stares at Crabbe, who steps forward to stand beside Brian.) Crabbe will sit out for the Hogwarts Tribe. Everyone else, stand by the starting line and await my signal.

(Castaways, with the exception of Crabbe, stand behind starting line.)

Brian: Survivors ready….GO!

[The five Simpsons Tribe members and five Hogwarts Tribe members sprint then dive into the water, swimming with all their might. Harry and Hermione lead the Hogwarts Tribe, followed by Malfoy, Neville and Ron. The Simpsons Tribe is led by Moe, with Bart and Nelson close behind, Lisa trying to keep up, and then Homer lagging far behind. The Hogwarts gets all of its members to the buoy first and start diving down to retrieve the slippery and wet flags. While that is happening, the Simpsons Tribe gets all of its members to the buoy and Moe dives down to begin retrieving flags. Unfortunately for them, due to Homer's slow swimming the Hogwarts Tribe has all five of their flags before Moe and Bart can retrieve two. The Simpsons manages to grab all their flags and begin the swim towards shore, but they only get halfway there before the Hogwarts Tribe crosses the finish line.]

Brian: Congratulations Hogwarts Tribe! The lawn chairs are yours.

(Ron, tired from the strenuous exercise, does not hesitate to grab a chair and start sitting in it. The Simpsons Tribe finally reaches shore, exhausted and disappointed.]

Homer: Pfff…whatever, at least we still have the hammocks.

Simpsons Tribe, Day 17

_Lisa: Homer's poor performance in the reward challenge is exactly what I needed to persuade Nelson and Moe to vote for him instead of me. With Homer asleep as usual and Bart fishing, I should have a chance to talk to each of them in private._

(Lisa walks over to Moe's makeshift bar behind the shelter and sits down. Moe, busying cleaning the bar with his bar rag, looks up and sees her.)

Moe: Oh, hiya Lisa, what can I get ya?

Lisa: No drinks for me Moe. I just need to talk to you about something.

Moe: Uhhh…yeah sure, anything.

Lisa: I want you to leave Bart's alliance.

Moe: I don't know Lisa. I gotta pretty thing going with Bart and that Muntz kid.

Lisa: (gets an idea) Moe, did you ever find out who made all those prank calls to your bar?

Moe: Nope.

Lisa: Well, what if I told you it was Bart that made the calls.

Moe: (shocked) Are you sure?

Lisa: Yep, I watched him make the call firsthand.

Moe: (angry) Why that putrid little pukestain! (turns back to Lisa) Okay Lisa, consider me out of his alliance, but who do you want me to vote for instead?

Lisa: Just vote based on who you feel is contributing the least to the tribe. Homer, for example, did pretty badly in the reward challenge.

Moe: (uncertain) Man, I don't know if I can vote off one of my best customers.

Lisa: Has Homer paid his bar tab recently?

Moe: (anger crossing his face again) Homer is a goner!

(Lisa walks away smiling, her plan to break up Bart's alliance halfway done.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 17

(Harry, Ron and Hermione are under the invisibility cloak, searching around the spring for more clues.)

Ron: Harry, if we didn't find anything before, I don't think we're going to find anything now.

Hermione: (shushes him) Ron, we need to be quiet or else the others might find out we're here.

Harry: (gets their attention) Guys, we might have something here.

(In the grass around the spring, Harry notices a piece of wood that looks considerably different from the wood on the palm trees. He picks it up and recognizes immediately that it's a wand.)

Harry: You were right Hermione. It looks like someone brought along more than one wand.

Hermione: It's a start, but it's still not enough evidence to convict one of the three in Malfoy's alliance. We will need to find out who cast the last spell on this, but we can't do it without our own wands.

Harry: Well, we can eliminate Crabbe right away. He's definitely not capable of the advanced magic required to conjure a basilisk.

Ron: I think it was Neville!

Hermione: Ron, we can't just jump to conclusions without any evidence.

Ron: We have the wand and we have the fact that he's been hanging with Malfoy and Crabbe for days now! That's evidence enough for me. I WANT JUSTICE GUYS! (starts to tear up) I WANT JUSTICE FOR LUNA!

(Harry and Hermione console Ron and then head back to camp with the invisibility cloak and the recently discovered wand. Meanwhile, in another part of the forest of the palm trees, Malfoy and his alliance are meeting again, and Malfoy is not very happy.)

Malfoy: What do you mean you may have left the wand there?

Neville: Look, it was an accident. Besides, even if they find it, they won't be able to track the wand back to us without magic.

Malfoy: (calming down) True….you just better hope they don't find it because it's your ass that's going down, not mine. Meeting dismissed.

Day 18: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (hits a golf ball into the river.) Darn, sliced it!

Cameraman: Brian, you're on!

Brian: (puts down club and turns to camera.) Yeah, you already know what's happening. Bring in the tribes.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribes arrive at beach.)

Brian: Simpsons Tribe, as you probably already know, the immunity idol was taken from your camp last night while you were sleeping and was hidden somewhere in the forest of palm trees. With the compass and directions provided, your team must locate the immunity idol and bring it back here. The team that emerges from the forest with the immunity idol wins immunity. Any questions? (Homer raises hands.) None? Okay then, let's get started.

Homer: D'oh!

Brian: SURVIVORS READY, and GO!

[Both teams set off into the forest, with Lisa and Hermione serving as the lead guides. It takes a while for the teams to get their bearings among the palm trees. Eventually, with Lisa's guidance, the Simpsons Tribe reaches the immunity idol just before the Hogwarts Tribe, but they still need to get out of the forest with it. The challenge changes into the Hogwarts Tribe hunting down the Simpsons Tribe for the idol. However, they can't quite catch, and the Simpsons Tribe emerges victorious.]

Brian: Congratulations Simpsons Tribe! You get to keep the immunity idol for three more days. Hogwarts Tribe, barring any more catastrophes, I'll see you in tribal council tonight.

(Fortunately, the rest of the day passes by uneventfully for the Hogwarts Tribe and they head to tribal council as the sun sets.)

Tribal Council

(Hogwarts Tribe enters the hut and takes their seats. Brian enters from the side door.)

Brian: I'm glad to see you still remember where tribal council is. After all, it's been quite a while since you been here. Harry, what seems to be the status of your tribe right now?

Harry: Brian, right now our tribe couldn't possibly be more divided. I think it's pretty clear that this vote is going to be very important for our futures here on the island.

Brian: Well said Harry. Before we vote, I just want to give you all a quick update on Luna's condition. Her injuries are not life-threatening and she is stable condition. (sighs of relief from the Golden Trio, indifference from the rest) However, she will be in St. Mungo's Hospital for at least a month recovering from her injuries. With that being said, it is now time to vote. Ron, lead us off.

[Ron walks up to the voting booth, and writes down his vote for NEVILLE.]

Ron: I know we don't have enough evidence to prove it, but I wholeheartedly believe it was Neville who conjured the snake. I can't explain. It's just a gut feeling. That's why I'm voting for him and I'm sticking to it.

[Shot of Harry voting , then Malfoy voting for RON.]

Malfoy: I'll admit Weasley, I didn't expect you to last this long, but now it's time for you to go.

[Shot of Crabbe Voting, then Neville Voting, then Hermione writes down her vote and shows it to the camera: MALFOY.]

Hermione: Malfoy is clearly the leader of that other alliance. We get him out of here, we're in a very good position to get rid of Neville and Crabbe.

[Hermione puts the vote in the bin and head back to her seat. Brian grabs the voting box and sits back down.]

Brian: Oh yeah, one more thing before I read the votes. Whoever is voted off tonight will become the first member of our jury. Once the tribes are merged, the jury members will be joining us at each tribal council so that they can make an educated vote when it gets down to the final two to determine who will win. Without any further delays, I'll read the votes.

Brian: (Opens up the box and pulls out a paper.) First vote is for…Ron. Second Vote…Malfoy…third vote…Neville….fourth vote….Draco….fifth vote…Ron…that's two for Ron, two for Malfoy…and the last vote is for….Ron. Please bring me your torch.

(Draco has a satisified look on his face as Ron gets up to grab his torch. Ron hugs both Hermione and Harry before he walks up to Brian with his torch.)

Brian: Ron Weasley, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes the flame)

Ron: (to Harry and Hermione) It's up to you guys now. Go get them!

(Harry and Hermione wave to Ron as he exits via the side door.)

Brian: The rest of you may head back to camp now.

(The five remaining members of the Hogwarts Tribe grab their torches and head back to camp.)

**END OF EPISODE SIX**

Post- Tribal Council Confessional 

Ron: You know, it's probably for the best that I got voted off now. With Luna hurt, my mind just wasn't in the game, so there's no way I would have won. Harry and Hermione may be outnumbered, but I have complete faith in them. I told Luna before she was airlifted to the hospital that either Harry, Hermione or myself is going to win the competition, and I'm sticking by that statement. They're going to expose Neville for the criminal he is, they're going to make it to the merger and one of them is going to win the one million galleons, and I'll be rooting for them the whole way.

Tribal Council #6 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Ron (3)

Draco

Neville

Crabbe

Malfoy (2)

Harry

Hermione

Neville (1)

Ron


	8. Episode 7 Days 19 to 21

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor 

Episode 7

Brian: The Merger is still two episodes away yet the two tribes have already begun interacting with each other. In light of the attack on Luna, Lisa joined Harry and Hermione to help investigate the attack. This increased the already strong divide between her and her brother Bart. To keep herself in the game, Lisa decided to pick apart the alliance, starting with the successful conversion of Moe to her side.

Meanwhile, at the Hogwarts Tribe, Harry, Ron and Hermione found a wand by the spring, a crucial piece of evidence but still not enough to pin the crime on anyone despite Ron's insistence that it was Neville. The Hogwarts Tribe won new camping chairs in the reward challenge, but the Simpsons Tribe came out on top in the immunity challenge when they found the immunity idol hidden in the woods first, forcing the Hogwarts Tribe into tribal council.

At tribal council, Ron voted for Neville while Harry and Hermione voted for Draco Malfoy, a move that would cost Ron as all three members of Malfoy's alliance voted him off and made him the first member of our jury. Before leaving, Ron reaffirmed his prediction that either Harry or Hermione is going to win it all.

With the tribes now even at five members each, the last few days before the merger should be interesting. Will Harry and Hermione expose Neville as the snake conjurer? Will Lisa be able to sway Nelson away from Bart's side? With ten castaways remaining, who will be voted off next?

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 19

(Harry and Hermione are out fishing by the river. Hermione has a bite and manages to reel in a decent-sized fish.)

Hermione: Wow, I'm really getting the hang of this.

Harry: Of course, you've always been a quick learner. (wraps his arms around her and plants a kiss on her lips)

Hermione: (blushes and gives her boyfriend a kiss in return) Thank you Harry. (expression changes to mild sadness) I do miss Ron though.

Harry: Yeah, me too. We need to figure out who conjured the snake before our next tribal council. I'm almost certain they'll go after you next, and I don't think I could make it through the rest of this game without your company.

Hermione: Harry, you are more than capable of winning this game without me. (stroking Harry's hair, Hermione has a brilliant idea) Wait a minute! I think I found the solution to our problem.

Harry: What is it?

Hermione: Ollivander, the wandmaker.

Harry: (puzzled) What about him?

Hermione: He would be able to figure whose wand this is and who cast the last spell.

Harry: (smiling) Hermione, that's brilliant! (smile vanishes) but how are we going to get him here? We can't use magic because we would be disqualified.

Hermione: Well, if we can't go to Ollivander, Ollivander will have to come to us.

Harry: We need to talk with Brian about this.

(Hermione nods in response and the two resume fishing for a couple of hours before heading back to the shelter.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 19

(Nelson returns to the shelter from hunting with Bart. They head towards the shelter to relax.)

Bart: Ay caramba, we rounded up quite a few scorpions today. We're gonna be eating a lot of meat today. (dumps about 5-7 scorpions in the shelter)

Nelson: (pointing to the dead scorpions) Ha-Ha!

Bart: I'm got to go pee. Go ahead and start preparing these scorpions for dinner.

Nelson: Aye-aye, captain.

(Bart heads into the oasis to find a palm tree to piss on. Lisa, who is sitting under a tree on the other side of the shelter reading a book, looks up and sees her opportunity to talk to Nelson.)

Lisa: You must getting tired of him bossing you around like that. (Nelson looks up from the scorpions to see Lisa.)

Nelson: What are you playing at?

Lisa: (slightly surprised) Hmmm, you're smarter than I thought. I'm here to talk you into leaving Bart's alliance.

Nelson: What? No way Lisa! Bart has been my friend out here since we arrived, and I'm not about to stab him in the back.

Lisa: What if I told you I wasn't going to vote Bart off?

Nelson: (still not convinced) I would call you a liar because you've been at Bart's throat since day one.

Lisa: (confounded for a moment but then smirks) Oh Nelson…did you know I still have that photo of you kissing me back when we were boyfriend and girlfriend?

Nelson: (nervously gulps) Uhhh…so who exactly did you have in mind?

(Lisa points over to the overweight figure of Homer sleeping in the hammock.)

Nelson: I'll sleep on it Lisa.

(Bart returns from the woods a few moments later and Lisa returns to reading her book.)

_Bart: I've got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can sense a change in the status quo around camp, and that change is certainly not in my favor. Lisa obviously has gotten to Moe, but I don't see Nelson leaving my side anytime soon._

Day 20: Reward Challenge

Brian: The ten remaining castaways have just passed the halfway point of their 39-day stay here in Egypt. With the merger just five days away, each challenge is even more crucial than the last one. Take, for example, today's reward challenge, in which three members from each tribe will have to joust against each other for three separate prizes. (looks out in the distance) It looks like our castaways are about to arrive.

(Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes arrive.)

Brian: Okay tribes, today is the 1st annual jousting tournament. Three members from each tribe will go one on one against each other on a small wooden platform in the river for three separate prizes. The last person standing on each one-on-one match wins the prize for their team. Before we start, I'm going you all to pick your three fighters.

(Hogwarts Tribe selects Harry, Crabbe and Neville while the Simpsons selects Homer, Bart and Nelson.)

Brian: Alright then. Harry and Homer, you two will compete each other first. Our first prize will be (opens a crate) this brand new golf cart which should make traveling down shore a lot easier.

(Harry and Homer swim out and get on the wooden platform with giant foam ear swab-like things and giant Styrofoam helmets on their heads.)

Brian: Okay guys, begins on my signal. Survivors Ready, and GO!

[Harry and Homer start beating each other with the double-edged foam mallets. The fight goes on for about 30 seconds. Homer makes an aggressive move, but Harry dodges and outsmarts him and knocks him into the water.]

Brian: Hogwarts Tribe wins the golf cart! Crabbe and Bart, you two go next, and you'll be playing for (opens 2nd crate) a brand new set of…golf clubs? Is this challenge sponsored by Taylor Made or something? Anyway, Survivors Ready….GO!

[Crabbe seems to have the upper hand with his brute strength, but Bart has the edge in cunning, dodging most of Crabbe's moves, forcing Crabbe to lose his balance and fall in the river.]

Brian: Simpsons Tribe takes the golf clubs. Neville and Nelson, you guys are last up, and you'll be fighting for…(opens last crate)…a year's supply of toilet paper? (confused) That's an interesting choice of prizes today. (turns to Neville and Nelson) Okay you two, Survivors ready…GO!

[Nelson and Neville's dual is easily the longest and hardest fought of the three. It lasts a good minute and a half with both men trading shots on each other before Neville whacks Nelson hard in the right side of the head. Nelson gets woozy and falls over into the water. Hogwarts Tribe cheers the tie-breaking victory.]

Brian: Hogwarts gets the toilet paper. Maybe you can go teepee the Simpsons camp or something.

Bart: (snorting) Yeah, fat chance of that happening.

Brian: (lights up cigarettes) Are you guys still here? Go on back to camp, I need my nicotine fix!

(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribe head back to their respective camps. Hermione tugs on Harry's shirt sleeve, reminding them of something they need to do.)

Harry: Brian, Hermione and I need to talk to you about something.

Brian: Yeah, yeah congrats on being a couple.

Hermione: (blushing) Thank you, but that's not what we need to talk about.

Brian: (sighs) Fine, but make it quick.

(Harry and Hermione talk with Brian for a few minutes before heading back to camp.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 20

(For once, Homer is out of the hammock and is busying trying out the new golf club/golf balls. Homer hits a 3 iron into the forest of palm trees.)

Homer: D'OH….stupid palm trees! (Homer is so frustrated that he doesn't notice Bart approaching him.)

Bart: No luck on the driving range Homeslice?

Homer: Nope, not a single straight shot yet boy.

Bart: Dad, I don't know if you've notice with your constant sleeping and all, but Lisa been talking to Moe and Nelson an awful lot lately, and I think she's trying to talk them into voting for one of us.

Homer: I'm no genius, but I'm pretty sure she wants them to vote you.

Bart: (questioning look on his face) Are you sure about that Homeboy? At least I've contributed to the tribe, but you haven't done anything.

Homer: (shrugs his shoulder) Meh, my strategy has gotten me this far…

Bart: (interrupting) but it won't get you to the million dollars Homer. Your only chance of getting far into this game is to team up with somebody, so either team up with me now or you'll be out of here quickly.

(Homer takes a few moments to mull this offer before speaking again.)

Homer: Alright boy, go fetch my balls and you got yourself a deal.

(Bart gives Homer a really weird look, almost as if he swallowed a bug.)

Bart: If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, then no deal man!

Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE (reaches in and strangles Bart) I meant….my….golf balls! (lets go of Bart)

Bart: (gasping for air) Okay….okay, you got yourself a deal.

(Bart heads into the woods to retrieve Homer's golf balls.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 20

_Harry: So, we talked to Brian about getting Ollivander to come here to examine the wand, but they won't be able to get him here until the day after the next tribal council. In other words, tomorrow's immunity challenge is incredibly important for me and Hermione._

(Harry and Hermione are sitting on lawn chairs by the camp fire, eating some of the last remains of their supply of chocolate.)

Harry: Well, that meeting with Brian was not what I was hoping for.

Hermione: Well, at least Ollivander's coming soon enough for one of us to make it to the merger.

Harry: (holds Hermione's hand) Hermione, if we go to tribal council tomorrow night, I hope they vote for me. That way you can make it to the merger, and I believe you can hold your own with anyone else remaining in this game.

Hermione: Harry, I've always admired your selflessness, but you shouldn't sell yourself short like that. In fact, I think you have a better chance at the million galleons than I do.

Harry: (smiling) Thanks Hermione. Well, let's not worry about that just yet. Right now, I want to enjoy this night with my soul mate. Care to walk down to the beach with me?

Hermione: (smiling) Of course.

(Still holding hands, the couple lies down by the beach, watching the stars and just talking. They passionately kiss each other for minutes but it seemed like hours before they returned to the shelter to go to bed.)

Harry: I love you Hermione Jean Granger.

Hermione (smiling and crying tears of joy) I love you too Harry James Potter…with all my heart.

Day 21: Immunity Challenge

Brian: With the merger close at hand and 3-on-2 alliances in both tribes, this immunity challenge is perhaps the most critical one yet. Today's challenge will test the castaway's newly acquired skills with the fishing pole.

(Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes arrive.)

Brian: Okay tribes, today three members from each team will face off to see who can catch the most pounds of fish in two hours. (looks at Hogwarts Tribe) Oh, and by pounds, I mean…

Malfoy: You know what you bloody mean dog, now get on with it!

(Brian glares at Malfoy before resuming)

Brian: Anyway, whichever team catches the most pounds in fish will win immunity. Before we begin, I need each team to select three members to do the fishing.

(Harry, Hermione and Malfoy step forward for the Hogwarts Tribe while Bart, Nelson and Lisa step forward for the Simpsons Tribe. They each pick up a pole and head for the shore.)

Brian: Alright Survivors on your marks! Ready, and...GO!

[The six castaways cast their lines into the water and wait. This is the scene for most of the next two hours, with the occasional reeling-in of a decent-sized fish. Hermione and Bart prove to be the best fishers in their tribe, as they catch four fish each within the time limit.]

Brian: 3, 2, 1….(blows whistle) Okay castaways, bring me your fish and put them on the scale. Simpsons Tribe, you first. [The Simpsons Tribe puts their catch on the electronic scale, which reads 15.1 lbs.] 15.1 lbs for the Simpsons Tribe. Hogwarts Tribe, let's see if you can top that. [Hogwarts Tribe puts their fish on the scale, and the scale reads….15.6 lbs. Hogwarts Tribe is jubilant upon seeing the number on the scale, especially Harry and Hermione.]

Brian: Hogwarts Tribe, you win! Here is the immunity idol, enjoy your next three days on the island. (Harry grabs immunity idol and hoists over his head) Simpsons Tribe, I'll see you all tonight.

Simpsons Tribe, Day 21

Lisa: So, are you with me or against me?

Nelson: (confused and uncertain look on his face) yes, no…uhhhh, I don't know!

(Lisa walks away, not getting the outcome she wanted out of that conversation. She gathers her things and prepares for tribal council.)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 21

(Malfoy and Crabbe are meeting in their usual spot in the forest of palm tree.)

Crabbe: Oi Malfoy, where is Longbottom?

Malfoy: Longbottom won't be joining us this evening. I told him to stay behind.

Crabbe: Okay, soooo….what's this about?

Malfoy: Did you notice Potter and Granger talking with the dog after that reward challenge?

Crabbe: Yeah, so what?

Malfoy: (looks at him like he's stupid) Sooooo, I think they may have figured out a way to identify the wand and the last spell cast.

Crabbe: (shrugs his shoulders) Okay, so what? The last spell cast was by Longbottom. They trace it back to him, he's gone and we stay.

Draco: (anxiously runs hands through hair) Ummmm….yeah, actually there's one more thing….

Tribal Council

(The Simpsons Tribe enters the hut and takes their seats. Brian is already waiting for them in the hut.)

Brian: Well, it's been a while, but you guys are finally back at tribal council. Lisa, what is the state of your tribe?

Lisa: There's a lot of uncertainty right now Brian. We have some people on the tribe that don't really know whose side they're on, and now they have no choice but to make up their minds.

Brian: Homer, this question is for you…I couldn't help but notice you shanking those golf shots. Are you always that horrible a golfer?

Homer: Hey, watch it dog!

Brian: (backs off) Whoa there, just asking! (stares at watch) Anyway, it's time to vote. Lisa, lead us off please.

[Lisa walks up to the voting booth, grabs a piece of paper, and scribbles down her vote: HOMER]

Lisa: You haven't contributed any to the tribe in camp or at the challenges. I'm sorry dad, but you should have been gone a long time ago.

[Shot of Bart voting, then Moe Voting, then Homer shows that his vote is for LISA]

Homer: I really didn't have a specific person in mind. Since she's forming the alliance against me, I figure I'll vote for her….Sorry sweetie.

[Shot of Nelson voting and putting his ballot in the box. He returns to his seat and Brian grabs the ballot box.]

Brian: Okay, you should know the drill by now, so let's go ahead and read the votes. (Brian opens voting box and takes out vote) First vote is for….Lisa….Second vote…Homer….Third Vote…Homer….Fourth vote….Lisa…(takes out last vote) the next castaway voted off and the second member of our jury is….Homer! Please bring me your torch.

Homer: Woohoo…Duff Beer here I come! (Homer gets up and brings torch to Brian)

Brian: Homer, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes flame) I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave now.

(Homer runs out the side door, ready to be reunited with donuts and beer.)

Brian: To the four of you, congratulations on making it to the final 9! You may now head back to camp.

(Remaining four members of the Simpsons Tribe grab their torches and head back to camp.)

**END OF EPISODE SEVEN**

Tribal Council #7 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Homer (3)

Lisa

Nelson

Moe

Lisa (2)

Bart

Homer


	9. Episode 8 Days 22 to 24

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 8

Brian: It's day 22, and the nine remaining castaways here in Egypt are all hoping they aren't the last castaway voted off before the merger goes down.

In the last episode, Harry and Hermione were looking for a way to find out who conjured the snake that injured Luna so they could swing the momentum in their favor. Hermione got the brilliant idea to let Ollivander, famous wizard wandmaker, identify the wand and ascertain who cast the last spell. Unfortunately, they would not be able to meet with Ollivander until after the upcoming tribal council.

Meanwhile, at the Simpsons camp, Lisa continued her plot to dissolve Bart's alliance. With Moe already on her side, Lisa got to work on Nelson, but it wasn't easy swaying the Springfield Elementary bully's opinion. At the reward challenge, there were three jousting matches between members of each tribe to determine who won three separate prizes. The Hogwarts Tribe won two out of three matches, winning a golf cart and a crateful of toilet paper. The Simpsons Tribe won a match as well, claiming a set of golf clubs and golf balls that Homer thoroughly enjoyed. However, he would not enjoy those clubs for very long, as the Simpsons Tribe was out-fished by the Hogwarts Tribe in the immunity challenge. At tribal council, an indecisive Nelson decided at the last minute to side with Lisa, and Homer was sent packing by a 3-2 vote.

Will Harry and Hermione's meeting with Ollivander go as well as they hope? Will Lisa maintain the status quo with the Simpsons Tribe? Who will be the last castaway sent home before the merger? Let's find out…

Simpsons Tribe, Day 22

_Bart: Last night's tribal council confirmed my suspicions of the past few days. Lisa has persuaded Moe and Nelson to abandon my alliance. My sister is very smart, so I'm not surprised by this at all. She could be a useful ally to have when the two tribes merge. Maybe I should talk to her, try to turn our current cease fire into an alliance. However, I don't think she's gonna forgive me very easily._

(Bart is shooting golf balls out on the beach. Looking back at the shelter, he sees Lisa emerging from the forest of palm trees with edible plants she gathered for the tribe's food supply. Bart takes a break from his fun to approach his sister.)

Bart: Yo Lis, need help caring those plants?

Lisa: (looks at him suspiciously) When did you suddenly become so willing to assist me?

Bart: What? A brother can't lend his sister a helping hand without being suspected of something?

Lisa: (drops the plants and then turns around smiling) Oh, I get it….you've figured out that I talked Moe and Nelson into abandoning your alliance, didn't you?

Bart: Well duh… I'm no genius, but I was able to figure that out from last night's vote.

Lisa: (smiling even wider) Yeah, who has the status quo now? I guess your plan to vote me off has backfired.

Bart: I don't believe it. I come here extending trying to make peace and you rub the successful destruction of my alliance right in my face. Well you know what? Have your fun Lis, but just remember that it's not long before we merge with the Hogwarts Tribe and our little cease fire expires. I'm sure there are some people on the Hogwarts Tribe that would love to ally with me.

Lisa: That's assuming you even make it to the merger.

Bart: Oh I'll make it all right! (Bart walks away and resumes his golf game.)

_Lisa: A small part of me wanted to accept Bart's offer, but I'm still mad at him about getting rid of Milhouse and constantly trying to vote me off. Not to mention he could be a very dangerous player if he makes it to the merger, so it's probably for the best to get rid of him as soon as possible._

(When Bart reaches the golf clubs, he sees Nelson taking a few swings.)

Bart: (grabs a club and sets up a swing) Hey Nelson, what's up?

Nelson: Nothing Bart, just blowing off some steam.

Bart: (gives Nelson a quizzical look) What do you need to blow off steam for?

Nelson: Oh, I think you know Bart.

Bart: (sighs) Yeah…yeah I do. Nelson, how could you man?

Nelson: (shoots a golf ball into woods then turns around to respond) Bart, it wasn't an easy decision for me. I mean, I was so conflicted. You've been my best friend on this island since day one, and…

Bart: (somewhat angry tone to his voice) So why'd you do it?

Nelson: I decided at the last minute to vote for Homer because….(pauses) because Lisa blackmailed me.

Bart: (shocked) She did WHAT?

Nelson: She blackmailed me Bart. She has some (grimaces) embarrassing pictures from when we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and she said if I don't leave your alliance that she was going to reveal them to everyone at Springifield Elementary. (looks at Bart with a pleading expression on his face) Do you know what that would do to me? My status as a bully would be gone man!

(Bart stands there is shock for a few moments before responding)

Bart: Wow…wow! I didn't know Lisa was capable of something like that. (pats Nelson on the back) Don't worry bud…I'll take care of it.

_Bart: That little piece of information is exactly what I needed to save my ass._

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 22

(Harry and Hermione wake up early in anticipation of their meeting with Ollivander. They see a small white boat rowing towards the shore. When the boat reaches the shore of the Nile, they immediately recognize the old man accompanying Brian as the legendary wandmaker himself.)

Brian: (stepping out of the boat with Ollivander) Alright, here's your guy. Now, if I'm not needed, I'm going to go into the oasis and take a dump. Thanks for the dry martini, Ollivander. (walks away)

Ollivander: Hmph, interesting character that dog. (turns to Harry and Hermione smiling) Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, good to see you both. Why, it just seems like yesterday that you two stepped into….

Harry: (interrupting) Ummm Mr. Ollivander, I don't mean to interrupt your nostalgic moment, but we really need your help and need it quickly.

Ollivander: (snaps out of his flashback) Ahhh yes, of course. Did you bring the wand that you referred to?

(Hermione takes the wand out of her pocket and hands it to Ollivander. Ollivander examines it thoroughly for a few moments, talking while he does his work.)

Ollivander: Let's see here….10" long…hawthorn wood….unicorn hair…reasonably springy….this is the wand of Draco Malfoy, but how did it come into your possession?

Hermione: We found it by the spring in the oasis where Luna was hurt.

Harry: (looks confused) Hold on a minute. If this is Malfoy's wand, then what was the wand he gave to Brian when we had our wands confiscated on day one?

Hermione: It must have been a decoy, a wand that belonged to one of his friends, probably Zabini or Pansy Parkinson.

Harry: (nods in agreement before turning his attention to Ollivander) So, what was the last spell cast by the wand? Do you know?

Ollivander: Only one way to find out...(pulls out his own wand and points it at Draco's) _Priori Incantato!_ (a ghost like cloud appears over Draco's wand, revealing all information about the last spell cast. Ollivander looks puzzled) This is odd. It appears the last spell cast was _Serpensortia_, a snake summoning charm, but what's really curious is that this spell was cast by….Neville Longbottom!

(Harry and Hermione look stunned, mouths agape.)

Hermione: Oh my gosh! (pauses for a moment) Ron was right all along!

Ollivander: Wait a minute (another cloud appears over Draco's wand) It appears that there was one other spell cast shortly before this one, an….

?: HEY, WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?

(The three wizards turn around to see Neville Longbottom standing before them.)

Neville: You'll ruin the master's plan!

Hermione: (enraged, stomping towards Neville) NOT IF I RUIN YOU FIRST!

Harry: Hermione, no!

(Harry tries to get between Neville and Hermione. Just as a fight is about to break out, Ollivander points his wand at Neville.)

Ollivander: _Imperio Reverso! _(a shot of white light hits Neville and knocks him to the ground. Harry and Hermione, frozen in place, look over at Ollivander.) Oh, sorry for the startle. As I was saying, there was one spell cast just prior to Neville conjuring the snake: An Imperius Curse, cast on Mr. Longbottom by this wand's owner, Draco Malfoy.

Harry: Well, that would certainly explain Neville's recent behavior. (Neville starts to come to) Speaking of Neville (Harry and Hermione run over to Neville's side.)

Neville: (still dazed by the spell, looks around) Harry….Hermione….where am I? What happened? What's going on?

Harry: It's okay Neville. Draco put you under the Imperius curse, but you're fine now.

Neville: (expression of confusion turns to anger) That rotten little ferret! (stands up with help of Harry and Hermione and sees Mr. Ollivander) Mr. Ollivander, what are you doing here?

Ollivander: It's a long story really. (Harry, Hermione and Ollivander take turns telling Neville about how he was Imperiused by Draco and what had happened to Luna and how they found out about Draco's plot.)

Neville: (distraught) Oh bloody Merlin, how could I hurt a sweet girl like Luna? (sobs uncontrollably for a moment before regaining his composure) I'm glad she's alright, and thank you three for saving me.

Hermione: (hugs Neville) It's okay Neville, we forgive you, and we'll give that twitchy ferret what he deserves.

(Harry, Hermione and Neville see off and they return to camp to relax.)

Day 23: Reward Challenge

Brian: (walks out of oasis to see Simpsons and Hogwarts Tribes awaiting the challenge) Geez, that was the longest bathroom break ever. So what'd I miss?

(Castaways groan at the ineptitude of their host.)

Bart: Seriously Brian? You're the host, you should know these things, even if you were taking a 24 hour dump.

Brian: What? Who do you think I am, Jeff Probst? (lights up a cigar) Anyway, on to today's reward challenge. Each team has a large empty basket about 20 yards down shore as well as piles of fruits and vegetables right in front of you. For this challenge, you need to take the fruits and vegetables and try to throw them into your team's basket. The team that gets the most food into their basket wins all of the food in their basket. Any questions?

Neville: Yeah, how exactly does one go about taking a 24 hour dump?

Brian: (sighs) Okay fine, I actually spent the night in a five-star hotel in Cairo. (castaways glare at him with seething anger) Now, if there are no further questions, then survivors ready…..GO!

[The nine remaining castaways look at each other, all with the same idea in mind. They grab their fruits and vegetables and begin chucking them at Brian, pelting him with tomatoes, apples, and oranges among other foods. Once they had used half of their ammo, the survivors relented and walked away with the remainder of their food, laughing all the way back to their camps.]

Brian: (on the ground, covered from head to toe in fruit guts) Hmph, didn't see that one coming. (shrugs his shoulder) Meh….I probably deserved it. (Brian pulls a lawn chair and suntan lotion out of a bag and works on his tan.)

Simpsons Tribe, Day 23

(Moe and Lisa are at Moe's makeshift bar, debating about whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable.)

Lisa: Tomato is a fruit because it has seeds.

Moe: But it tastes like a vegetable..

Lisa: Trust me Moe, it's a fruit.

(Bart approaches the bar and sits down on one of the rocks that Moe is using as a barstool.)

Bart: Whaddup Moe?

Moe: (glares at Bart and speaks with a sarcastic and angry tone) Oh hiya Bart, make any prank calls lately?

Bart: Can I talk with Lisa alone for a moment?

Moe: Hey, either buy a drink or get out of my bar!

(Bart and Lisa walk out of Moe's "bar" and back to the shelter to talk.)

Lisa: Okay, what is it now Bart?

Bart: I gotta hand it to you Lis. You're a really cutthroat and competitive person, sacrificing your morals to try to win.

Lisa: (looks nervous) What on earth are you talking about?

Bart: (smiles, has Lisa right where he wants him) I know everything Lisa! Blackmailing Nelson, telling Moe our secret about the prank calls. I thought you would be eliminated long ago because of your moral compass pointing true north, but you proved me wrong. (stands up) Congratulations Lisa! Regardless of the outcome between the two of us, clearly you are the better survivor. (Bart grabs a fishing pole, walks down to the beach to fish, leaving Lisa alone.)

Lisa: (gasps) Oh my gosh, he's right! How could I sacrifice my morals and ethics for a finite amount of American currency? (Lisa starts to cry)

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 23

(Draco heads to the spot in the oasis where his alliance normally meets only to find no one there.)

Draco: Crabbe! Longbottom! Oi, where are you two? (rolls his eyes) Probably back at camp eating, the blithering idiots!

(Draco emerges from the oasis and walks back towards camp. Suddenly, Crabbe and Neville come out of nowhere and tackle Draco to the sandy ground.)

Neville: (pinning a struggling Draco to the ground) Hey guys! We got him! (Harry and Hermione emerge from hiding.)

Harry: Alright, get him up! (Neville and Crabbe pick Draco up off the ground and stand him up, grasping his arms to prevent escape.)

Draco: (irate) WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOURE DOING?

Hermione: (even more angry than Malfoy, if that is possible) They're not on your side anymore! HOW DARE YOU HURT OUR FRIEND LUNA! HOW DARE YOU PUT RON THROUGH SO MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN, and HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CONTROL NEVILLE WITH THE IMPERIUS CURSE! (calms down a little before continuing) If I had my wand, I would hex you into next week, but, given the circumstances, I guess this will have to suffice!

(Hermione walks up to Malfoy and kicks him right in the crotch. Malfoy falls to the ground, doubling over in pain.)

Harry: (turns to Hermione) Couldn't have put it better myself Hermione.

Draco: (still on the ground, looks at Crabbe) Crabbe….why? After all we've been through?

Crabbe: I don't need you anymore Draco. I'm tired of being your henchman and I'm tired of living in your shadow. I'm my own person now, so deal with it!

(Crabbe, Neville, Harry and Hermione walk away, leaving Malfoy alone on the ground.)

Harry: (whispering to Hermione) You know, when you're angry at Malfoy like that, it really turns me on.

Hermione: (smirking, gives Harry a playful punch to the arm) Oh, shut it.

Day 24: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (reading _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_): Wait….so Snape was a good guy the whole time?

Cameraman: Uhhh Brian…

Brian: (looks up and puts away book) Well, here we are at the last immunity challenge, and the stakes are extremely high for our last nine castaways. Depending on which tribe prevails, either the new tribe will have four people from each tribe, or the Hogwarts Tribe will have a two person advantage. It looks like our survivors have arrived.

(Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribes arrive at challenge site.)

Lisa: (whispering to Hermione) Look Hermione, if we lose this challenge, I'm probably gonna be voted off, so…

Hermione: (interrupts) Trust me Lisa, you won't have to worry about this challenge one bit.

Brian: (clears throat) In today's immunity challenge, teamwork is very critical. You will need to canoe out together and retrieve a treasure chest at the bottom of the river. Inside each treasure chest is an immunity idol. After canoeing back to shore, you will open a container with a piece of paper inside. On that piece of paper is four clues to help you determine the four-number password to unlock your treasure chest. The first team to get their immunity idol out of the treasure chest and have all tribe members with at least one hand on the idol will win immunity. Any questions? (Survivors shake heads.) Alright then, take your positions.

(As castaways take their places in their canoes, every Hogwarts Tribe member except Draco exchange knowing looks.)

Brian: Survivors ready…GO!

[The two teams start paddling towards the cones that indicate the location of the treasure chests. The Hogwarts Tribe, with their one person advantage is slightly ahead and reaches the cone first. However, they have a little trouble retrieving the treasure, allowing the Simpsons Tribe to take the lead briefly before the Hogwarts Tribe's one man advantage comes into play again on the trip back to shore. The Hogwarts Tribe opens their can and begins figuring out the clues. The Hogwarts Tribe is the first to open their chest and Draco grabs the idol out of it quickly. However, the rest of the tribe members back away from the idol.]

Draco: What the bloody hell are you doing? We can win this and have a two person advantage over the Simpsons tribe. [When Harry, Hermione, Neville and Crabbe turn around and start heading back to camp, Draco realizes what is happening. Resigned to his fate, Draco can only stand and watch as the Simpsons Tribe opens their chest, grab the idol and get their hands on it to secure the win.]

Brian: Congratulations Simpsons Tribe! The four of you have secured a spot in the new tribe to be formed tomorrow. Hogwarts Tribe, I'll see you all at tribal council.

(Draco, head down, walks back to camp. Hermione gives Lisa a thumbs up before leaving herself, to which Lisa replies by mouthing "thank you" to her.)

Tribal Council

(The Hogwarts Tribe members enter the tribal council hut with their torches and take their seats. Brian enters the hut through the side door while texting on a cell phone.)

Brian: (looks up from his cellphone) Well, given the recent events, I think it's a foregone conclusion who's leaving tonight. However, the producers have just texted me saying that we have to go through the formality of voting anyway. I'm late for a friend's bachelor party, so let's skip the questions and get this over with…Hermione, lead us off. (goes back to texting)

[Hermione walks up to the voting booth and writes down her vote: DRACO]

Hermione: The twitchy little ferret is outta here!

[Shot of Harry and Neville voting, then Crabbe voting for DRACO]

Crabbe: The past few days have made me realize that Draco has been holding me back all these years and that I am capable of great things without his help. So long Draco, good luck fending for yourself.

[Shot of Draco voting for HERMIONE.]

Draco: Mudblood…that's all I gotta say.

[Draco takes his seat and then Brian grabs the box of votes.]

Brian: Once the votes are tallied, decision is final, gotta leave. So let's read the votes. First vote….Draco…Second Vote….Malfoy….Third Vote…Hermione…gee, I wonder who that was…next vote…is for Malfoy, so the last vote doesn't matter. Draco, bring me your torch. (Draco grabs his torch while the other tribe members glare at him.) Draco, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes torch) I'm afraid you'll have to leave now.

Draco: My father will hear about this!

Harry: (sarcastic voice) Ohhhh, I'm soooooooooo scared! (He and the other tribe members laugh as Draco exits.)

Brian: To the four of you, congratulations! You have made it to the final eight. I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow to begin the merger. You may now head back to camp and get some rest.

(Harry, Hermione, Neville and Crabbe grab torches and head back to camp.)

**END OF EPISODE EIGHT**

Tribal Council Results

Well who didn't see that coming from a mile away?

Candidate (# of votes)

Draco (4)

Hermione

Harry

Crabbe

Neville

Hermione (1)

Draco


	10. Episode 9 Days 25 to 27

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 9

Brian: Well, we've been talking about it for days now, but it's finally here. Today, the two tribes and eight remaining survivors will merge into one tribe. Here's how it is going to work: Each tribe has picked a representative to visit the camp site of the opposing tribe. Hermione will represent the Hogwarts Tribe while Lisa will represent the Simpsons tribe. After the visits, Lisa and Hermione will meet together at a tent a few miles away, where they will be treated to a buffet dinner and nice accommodations for the night. However, it won't all be fun and games for the two girls, as there will be a lot of negotiating between the two as they need to come up with a name for the new tribe, the uniform color of the new tribe, which campsite they will be staying at, among other things.

What will the new tribe be called and what will it look like? Will the eight survivors get along living together in a new tribe? Who will be the first member of the new tribe voted off? Read on and find out!

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 25

(Harry and Hermione are standing on the beach holding hands and sharing one last moment before Hermione departs for the Simpsons Tribe.)

Harry: It's going to be a long night tonight without you beside me.

Hermione: (smiling and blushing) Don't worry Harry, I'll be back in the morning. (The two hug each other and share a brief kiss before Hermione leaves.)

Harry: Have a good time sweetheart!

(Neville and Crabbe join Harry to see Hermione)

Crabbe: Try to bring us back some food from that buffet, okay?

(The four Hogwarts classmates share a laugh before Hermione heads off down the beach. The three boys wave at her before heading back to shelter.)

Neville: Now what?

Harry: I think Ron's Wizard's Chess set that he brought as a luxury item is still here. Anyone down for a game?

Crabbe: Sure, Why not? You and Neville got first though because I don't know really know the rules.

Simpsons Tribe, Day 25

(Lisa has already left to visit the Hogwarts Tribe. Bart, Nelson, and Moe are sitting at Moe's makeshift bar sharing another round of coconut juice and talking strategy.)

Bart: Moe, I know I've given you a hard time in the past with the prank calls, but is it possible that you could see your way towards reforming our alliance?

Moe: (skeptical) I don't know Bart. I'll have to consider it.

(Bart nods his head in understanding before turning to face Nelson.)

Nelson: Well you've got me Bart. Blackmail, shmlackmail…you're my friend, and I'm gonna do what I can to make sure one of us makes it all the way.

Bart: You would possibly ruin your bully reputation for that?

Nelson: Sure…being a bully isn't really all it's cracked up to be anyway.

(Bart and Nelson high-five and go back to their drinks. A few minutes later, they catch sight of a teenage girl with a long mane of bushy brown hair walking towards their camp. They get up and walk over to meet her.)

Bart: You must be Hermione.

Hermione: Yeah, and you must be Bart.

Bart: Yep, and that is Moe Syzlak and Nelson Muntz. (Bart, Nelson and Moe shake hands with Hermione and then show her the camp.)

Hermione: (looks at hammocks) Wish we had some of those at our camp. Lounging on the wooden floor of our shelter gets a little hard on the back after a while.

Nelson: They haven't gotten much use since Homer left though. (chuckles) He pretty much lived in one of those hammocks while he was here.

Hermione: (laughs) That doesn't surprise me really. Homer didn't exactly come across to me as a hard-working individual.

Moe: Yeah care for a drink there herm-own-ninny?

Hermione: It's Hermione, and sure what do you have?

(The four of them walk over to Moe's makeshift bar.)

Moe: I've got some coconut juice fresh from the shell.

Hermione: Oh, I'll have that then. (takes a seat on one of the rocks that Moe is using as a bar stool.)

(Moe pours some coconut juice into an empty coconut shell and hands it to Hermione.)

Moe: Normally, I make people pay me three seashells for that stuff, but seeing that you're a visitor, this one's on the house.

Hermione: Brilliant, thank you very much!

(The four castaways sit at the bar, talk and get further acquainted with each other.)

_Bart: Boy, that Hermione sure is something. Smart, beautiful, kind...it will be great to be in the same tribe as her. (anxious look) I wonder what she thinks of me._

Hogwarts Tribe, Day 25

Harry: Checkmate! I win again!

Crabbe: Darn it! I thought I had you.

Harry: Don't beat yourself up over it Crabbe. I've spent hours playing Wizard's Chess with Ron in the Gryffindor Common Room over the years.

Neville: Oi guys! I think our guest has arrived. (points down towards the shore of the Nile where Lisa is walking towards camp. They walk down to the beach to meet here.)

Lisa: Hey Harry, it's great seeing you again. (hugs Harry) This must be Neville and Crabbe. (shakes hands with Neville and Crabbe)

Harry: Thanks again for helping us find out who hurt Luna.

Lisa: No problem. Did you ever find who it was?

(The three boys exchange glances before Harry responds.)

Harry: Yeah, it's kind of a long story.

Lisa: Well, I'm here with you guys all day, so I've got time.

(The four of them head back to the shelter and sit down on the lawn chairs while Harry, Crabbe and Neville explain to Lisa about the wand they found, the meeting with Ollivander and their revenge on Malfoy.)

Lisa: (gasps) So Neville, you don't remember a thing that happened while you were under this Imperius curse?

Neville: Nope, not a thing. I'm actually kind of glad I don't remember it though. I obviously did some pretty bad things while under Malfoy's control.

Harry: Yeah, I'm just glad that whole mess is behind us now. Anyways, you want to see the rest of camp?

Lisa: Of course…I mean, that's kind of why I'm here, right? (The four of them share a chuckle before getting up and walking around the Hogwarts camp site.)

Day 25: Representative's Dinner/Meeting

Brian: Now that Lisa and Hermione have seen the opposing tribe's campsites, it is time for them to meet in this tent 10 miles down shore from the campsites where they will hash out the details of the brand new tribe, including name, tribe color and which campsite they will be staying at. (the distant sound of a motorboat can be heard) That must be our representatives arriving right now.

(In the fading sunlight, the small motorboat lands on the shore of the Nile, and Lisa and Hermione step out and onto the sand in front of the large tent set up before them that is illiuminated by the surrounding torches.)

Brian: Lisa, Hermione, here's where you'll be spending the night (the trio step inside the tent, which contains two twin-sized beds, a nightstand and a table in the middle full of a wide variety of foods and beverages for the two girls to enjoy. There is even a curtained shower in the corner of the tent for them to use to clean up. Both girls are in awe of the amazing accommodations.) So, you two already got your instructions about what to do on the ride over here, so Ill just leave you two to it then. (Brian exits the tent)

(Lisa and Hermione look at each other and giggle in delight.)

Hermione: Oh my gosh…this is sooooooo amazing!

Lisa: I know, we are going to have so much fun. (stares at hamburgers on the table and frowns slightly) I just wish they didn't include meat as a food option.

Hermione: Well, I know some guys who will love to see these. (grabs a few hamburgers and puts them in her bag.)

Lisa: You want to use the shower first?

Hermione: Nope, you go ahead. I'm starving…I'll go ahead and help myself to some food.

(For the next hour or two, Lisa and Hermione get cleaned up and help themselves to the generous amount of refreshments. Once they've had their fill, they start chatting and getting down to business.)

Lisa: Alright, first things first, what's going to be the name of the new tribe going to be called?

Hermione: Well, it should probably be something related to Egypt. Perhaps a major landmark…For example, I read about this statue in Giza called the Sphinx.

Lisa: That would make a great name for the tribe.

Hermione: Okay, Sphinx Tribe it is. Now, what should the tribe's official color be?

Lisa: (thinking) Hmmmmm…..well, your tribe's color is black and ours is yellow, so those are out of the equation. We've been spending a lot of time in and around the Nile, so how about blue?

Hermione: Brilliant! Now for the difficult decision...which campsite are we going to use?

Lisa: (baffled) I don't know. There are pros and cons to using both sites.

Hermione: True. Your campsite seemed much more relaxing with the hammocks and Moe's bar. On the other hand, with the freshwater spring and shadier shelter, our campsite would probably be much more practical, and after all, the game is called Survivor!

Lisa: Well, the tribe that is moving is allowed to bring two items to the new campsite. Perhaps we can use your campsite and I'll bring the hammocks over as well as my filet knife?

Hermione: That sounds great! So, it's settled then?

Lisa: Yep.

(Lisa and Hermione sit in awkward silence for a few minutes before Hermione breaks the silence.)

Hermione: Gee, that sure didn't long at all.

Lisa: Yeah, did we really need all the overnight accommodations? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad I got to take a shower for the first time in nearly a month, but this must have cost the producer quite a bit.

Hermione: I guess we could use this spare time to talk alliances and strategy. How about you, me, Harry and Bart team up?

Lisa: (sighs) I would agree to that right away, except…well, Bart and I haven't been on the best of terms since we arrived here. We've been fighting each other, arguing with each other, or just plain ignoring each other. He even planned an alliance to vote me off! Then, perhaps worst of all, I was able to break apart Bart's alliance, but at the cost of my morals and ethics. I came into this game with the goal of not only winning it, but winning it the right way, and I failed. (eyes glare in anger) All because of him!

Hermione: I'm an only sibling myself, so I can't exactly sympathize with your situation. However, Ron and I are like brother and sister in every way except bloodline, and we've had our fair share of spats in the past. Despite all that, we forgive each other sooner or later after every fight or disagreement because of our friendship and unconditional love for each other, almost like that of true siblings. It's up to you how to handle, but I think that you should see past the differences and find it in your heart to forgive him. Deep down, I think he's a very good person who could prove very useful for our alliance, at least judging from our meeting today, that is. (sees tears welling up in Lisa's eyes) Wait, are you okay Lisa?

Lisa: (crying) You're right, Hermione. Oh my god, how could I let a stupid game show tear apart Bart and I's sibling relationship? (cries uncontrollably as Hermione tries to comfort her with a hug) I..I gotta talk with him the first chance I get! I gotta set things right!

(Lisa gets her sobs under control and after a while, the two girls get drowsy and head to bed.)

Lisa: Hermione?

Hermione: Yeah?

Lisa: Thanks for that talk, and consider that alliance a done deal.

(Lisa shuts off the lamp in the tent as the two commence their most comfortable night of sleep since arriving in Egypt 25 days ago.)

Day 26

(A motorboat whisks Brian, Hermione and Lisa away from the tent and back downshore to the Simpsons Tribe campsite. Upon arrival, the motorboat stops on shore and Lisa gets out to get Bart, Nelson and Moe's attention.)

Lisa: (yelling, standing in front of the motorboat) Hey Guys! We're moving over to the Hogwarts campsite! You have 5 minutes to grab the hammocks, filet knife and all your personal items before you get on board the motorboat!

Bart: (gets up from hammock, grumbling) Whatever, who made you the boss of me?

Nelson: Uhh…I guess we did when we made her our tribe's representative.

Bart: (snorts) A lot of good that decision is doing for us right now. What are we going to do without Moe's Bar?

Moe: (shrugs shoulders) Yeah, whatever. I wasn't making much of a profit on this dump anyway. I was probably gonna burn it later to cash in on the insurance.

(Bart and Nelson exchange confused looks before resuming their packing. Once done, they join Lisa, Hermione and Brian on the motorboat as they head over to their new campsite. The motorboat stops on shore right in front of the campsite of the new Sphinx tribe. Harry, Neville and Crabbe walk down to the shore to greet the new tribemates. Upon seeing Hermione, Harry quickly smothers her in a warm embrace.)

Hermione: How was your night?

Harry: Depends, how was yours?

Hermione: Fantastic. I haven't slept so well since I got here.

Harry: (smiling) In that case, my night was excellent. (kisses Hermione on cheek)

Hermione: Hey Crabbe! (Crabbe turns to face Hermione) Catch! (Hermione throws Crabbe a couple of cheeseburgers from last night's representative's dinner.)

Crabbe: Thanks so much Hermione! (begins to devour one of the burgers)

Brian: Can I get everyone's attention real quick? (tribe members turn to face Brian) First of all, for those who don't know, the newly merged tribe is called the Sphinx Tribe, and your new tribe color will be blue. Speaking of which, here are new blue shirts for the eight of you as well as your new team flag. (Everyone is pleased to receive fresh blue garments, except for Crabbe, whose shirt appears to be a size too small.) Lastly, there will be no reward challenge today, so I will meet you all tomorrow for the first individual immunity challenge. With that, I will leave you all to get assimilated to your new tribe. Peace!

(Brian cranks up motorboat and heads back downshore. The eight castaways head back towards the shelter to make the necessary changes for the new tribe members. Nelson and Crabbe take down the Hogwarts Tribe flag and replace it with the new blue Sphinx Tribe. Harry and Moe work together to set up the hammocks that the former Simpsons Tribe members brought with them. While all this is going on, Lisa and Hermione are preparing dinner when Hermione taps Lisa on the shoulder and points in the direction of Bart, who is chatting with Nelson while they set up the flag.

Lisa: You sure?

Hermione: Don't worry, I can finish this by myself.

(Lisa sighs and decides that now is as good a time as any to talk to Bart. She gets up and walks over, tapping Bart on the shoulder to get his attention. Bart turns around and glares at Lisa with arms folded.)

Bart: (annoyed) What do you want Lis?

Lisa: (nervous) I forgive you Bart.

Bart: (expression softens a little bit, unfolds arms) What?

Lisa: I forgive you for voting off Milhouse, for trying to get me kicked off, for everything that's happened between us here in Egypt. You weren't doing anything wrong. You were just trying to play the game, and so was I when I broke your alliance. Still, that doesn't justify me blackmailing Nelson and revealing our secret to Moe about the prank calls, and for that I apologize. (breaths deep and relaxes) There, did I miss anything?

(Bart smirks a little bit and then starts to chuckle a little bit before giving her little sister a hug.)

Bart: It's no problem Lis. I was getting tired of fighting you anyway. I hate it when we're not getting along because, even though it might not seem like it at times, you're my sister and I love you with all my heart.

(Lisa is crying again, but this time it is tears of joy as the two Simpson children share another tight hug.)

Bart: How does a Simpson sibling alliance sound to you?

Lisa: Can I bring Harry and Hermione into the alliance with me?

Bart: (glances in the distance at Harry and Hermione working on dinner) Meh, I've got no problem with that. By the way, thanks for forgiving me after all I've done. I've been a real dick of late.

Lisa: Don't thank me… thank Hermione. She's persuaded me last night.

_Bart: (love-struck gaze in his eyes) Oh that Hermione. Smoking hot and compassionate. I wonder if Harry would mind me hanging out with her._

(Bart and Lisa walk over to the campfire to join Harry and Hermione. Meanwhile, Nelson eavesdropped on the whole conversation, and did not like what was being discussed…not one bit.)

_Nelson: Bart and Lisa forgiving each other is the last thing I wanted to have happen. If they join Harry and Hermione, I'll likely be left on the outside looking in. I gotta come up with a plan and fast. (Neville trips over wooden plank and fall) Haw-Haw!_

Day 27: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (on the cell phone) Peter, for the last time, I don't know where the remote is. (pauses) I can't help you look for it, I'm in Egypt, remember?

Cameraman: Brian!

Brian: Hold on, I'll call ya back later. (turns off cell phone and puts it away) Now that the eight remaining castaways have merged into one tribe, not only will tribal politics and alliances change, but so will immunity challenges. We will no longer need the immunity idol as all immunity challenges from this point forward will be every man, or woman for themselves. The winner of the immunity will receive this immunity necklace (takes immunity necklace out of nearby crate) and cannot be voted off at the upcoming tribal council. (looks off in the distance) With that being said, here come our survivors!

(Sphinx Tribe arrives at challenge site next to the Nile.)

Brian: Castaways, welcome to our first individual immunity challenge. Today's challenge is pretty straightforward, or should be to all of you now that Homer is gone. We're going to canoe out to that dock over there. Once we're there, all eight of you will dive underwater and try to hold your breath for as long as possible. The two people who hold their breath the longest will be given a few minutes to catch their breath before swimming back to shore. The first person to cross the finish line marked by the two torches wins individual immunity. Any questions? Alright then, let's get to it!

(Brian and the eight survivors canoe over to the platform in the Nile. Brian stands on the platform while the eight survivors jump in the water and grab the edge of the platform.)

Brian: Survivors Ready, and GO!

[The eight contestants take in a large breath of air before diving underwater. Only 30 seconds in, Crabbe surfaces for air and is the first eliminated. Nelson follows him about ten seconds later. At the 1:10 mark, Moe becomes the third survivor on the platform. Twenty seconds later, Lisa can't go on and goes up for air. Hermione follows her a few seconds later, leaving Harry, Neville and Bart alone in the water. It stays this way for another thirty seconds before Neville jumps up out of the water. Brian blows a whistle, signaling Bart and Harry to come up for air before their race back to shore. As the two catch their breath, Bart stares down Harry with a rather intense look on his face and then glances quickly over at Hermione. Brian blows his whistle to tell Bart and Harry to get ready for the swim back to shore.]

Brian: Bart and Harry, are you ready? (chuckles) I'm a poet and didn't even know it!

Bart/Harry: GET ON WITH IT!

Brian: Right, survivors ready….GO!

[Bart and Harry jump off the platform and swim towards shore. They are neck and neck for the first half of the race, but then Harry's experience swimming in the lake during the second challenge of the Triwizard Tournament kicks in and he finds a second gear. Bart tries furiously to catch up, but by the time he reaches shore, Harry is crossing the finish line, claiming immunity. Bart looks irritated and frustrated at coming up short.]

Brian: (after paddling back to shore with the other survivors) Harry, congratulations! As promised, here is the immunity necklace, so you cannot be voted off at tonight's tribal council.

(Harry takes the necklace and puts it around his neck. Hermione hugs Harry and gives him a kiss on the cheek while Neville congratulates him with a pat on the back. Brian's cell phone rings and he answers it.)

Brian: Peter, did you try looking under the couch? (pauses) See, I told you it was under there. (pauses) Yes Peter, you're welcome. (Pauses) No Peter, I don't want to watch another episode of _Knight Rider._(hangs up)

Day 27- Back at Camp

(Bart is chilling in the spring when Nelson arrives and joins him.)

Nelson: Good effort in the challenge Bart! (changes expression to serious and fold arms) However, I couldn't help but notice you spending more time with Lisa, Hermione and Harry. I hope you remember our little agreement. (pounds left fist against open right hand.)

Bart: (gulps but then regains his compsure) Look, I know what you're thinking and trust me, it won't be a problem. I didn't join into any alliance, all I did was make amends with Lisa. She could prove to be very useful to us later on.

Nelson: (softens expression) Great! So, who did you have in mind to vote off?

(Scene shifts to Harry and Hermione fishing in the Nile, looking for dinner.)

Harry: I've got a bad feeling about Bart.

Hermione: What do you mean?

Harry: Did you see the way he was staring me down at the challenge today? It didn't look friendly.

Hermione: I'm sure Bart is a competitive person and really wants to win that million dollars. At this point in the game, we all are in it to win it. Besides, Lisa trusts Bart, and I trust Lisa, and you trust me, right?

Harry: Duh, of course I do Hermione. If I had a Galleon for every time you were right about something in our seven years at Hogwarts, I wouldn't even need to get a job as an Auror. (Harry and Hermione share a laugh)

(Scene shifts back to Nelson and Bart at the spring.)

Nelson: Harry? Are you serious? Why do you want to vote him off?

Bart: (gets nervous and fidgety and begins looking around) Well, you knowwww….he is one of our primary threats and…..uh...(Nelson looks baffled, but then has a revelation and grins from ear to ear)

Nelson: You've got a crush on Hermione, don't ya?

Bart: Yes…no…I mean I don't know. (grunts in frustration) I probably do, but I can't know for sure unless I'm alone with her, and since Harry and Hermione are in a relationship, they spend all their time together, so I need to get rid of him.

Nelson: Unfortunately, Harry has the immunity necklace, so is there anyone else you had in mind?

Bart: (scratches his head as he thinks) Let's see…the person we vote off should be someone who is manipulative, a conniving person that could potentially plot against us or form an alliance to vote us off. (snaps his finger) I got it! (motions Nelson to come closer and whispers in his ear.)

Tribal Council

(The eight castaways arrive enter the hut and take their seats next to the fire. Brian enters, as usual, through a side door.)

Brian: Before we begin the proceedings this evening, let us bring in the first three members of our jury: Ron, Homer and Draco. (Ron, Homer and Draco enter through the same side door Brian used and take their seats on three wooden stumps opposite the remaining survivors.)

Brian: My first question is for Harry. You are currently in possession of the immunity necklace. Would you like to give it to someone else who you think needs it more than you?

Harry: Are you mental? Of course not!

Brian: Okay, okay, just wondering. Crabbe, you didn't fare too well in today's immunity challenge. Do you feel like you are currently the weak link in this tribe?

Crabbe: Maybe I am and Maybe I'm not, but I think all the tribe members have their particular weaknesses, and breathing underwater happens to be one of mine.

Malfoy: (mumbling under his breath) Pfff…you're definitely the weak link without me around to protect you.

Crabbe: I wouldn't go around saying that to someone who is twice your size, Draco! (balls up fists, effectively silencing Draco for the evening and emitting a laugh from Ron.)

Brian: Last question is for Lisa. Now that you and Bart have forgiven each other, do you believe the two of you will begin working together more often?

Lisa: I don't know the answer to that yet Brian, but I'm trying to piece together an alliance with other tribe members and I sincerely hope Bart will join in on it.

Brian: Alright then, without further delay, it's time to vote. Harry, you have immunity, so you'll lead us off.

[Harry walks up to voting booth, grabs the writing utensil and quickly writes down BART on the sheet.]: I don't know what you're up to Bart, but I'm going to stop it before it begins. (folds paper in half and puts it in bucket)

[Shot of Hermione Voting, then Moe voting, then Nelson casts his vote for MOE.] It was difficult picking someone to vote off because there is no one left here that I really hate, so don't take this personally Moe.

[Shot of Bart voting, then Crabbe and Neville vote. Lisa is the last one up, and she writes her vote and reveals it: CRABBE.] At this juncture in the game, I plan on voting off people based on competence and work ethic both around camp and in the challenges. Based on that criteria, Crabbe should be the one to go. He didn't help all that much in setting up camp for the merger, and finished last in today's challenge. Nothing against you Crabbe, but you deserve to go more than the rest of us do. (folds up vote and places it in bucket. Lisa returns to her seat while Brian retrieves the bucket.)

Brian: It's been a busy few days for all of you, but now it is time to see who will be the first voted out of this new tribe. (pauses briefly) I will now read the votes. (grabs piece of paper out of bucket) first vote is for…Bart. (Bart furrows eyebrows) Next vote…Moe….Third vote…is for Crabbe. (Malfoy smirks) Fourth vote…Moe…That's two for Moe, one for Crabbe, one for Bart….Next vote….is for Crabbe…Sixth vote…Moe….Seventh Vote…Crabbe….Moe and Crabbe are tied at three votes each…(grabs last piece of paper)…and the first person voted out of the Sphinx Tribe is…Moe!

Moe: Agh, son of a b-! (kicks over the stump he was sitting on and then tries to grab Lisa's torch, but Bart keeps him from doing it. Moe then grabs his own torch and walks over to Brian.)

Brian: Moe Syzlak, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes flame) (Moe exits the hut via the side door) As for the rest of you, you all may head back to camp and get some rest. (The seven remaining castaways grab their torches and head back to camp.)

**END OF EPISODE NINE**

Tribal Council #9 Vote

Candidate (# of votes)

Voters

Moe (4)

Bart

Nelson

Crabbe

Neville

Crabbe (3)

Lisa

Hermione

Moe

Bart (1)

Harry


	11. Episode 10 Days 28 to 30

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 10

Brian: Previously on Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor, the game changed dramatically as the Hogwarts and Simpsons Tribe merged into one group now known as the Sphinx Tribe. The biggest event from the past three days was Bart and Lisa finally putting aside a sibling rivalry that had been going on since day one here in Egypt. However, while Bart gained an ally in his little sister, he also gained an enemy in boy wizard Harry Potter. Harry believes Bart is up to something, and was correct as Bart confessed to his best friend Nelson Muntz that he had developed a crush on Harry's girlfriend Hermione Granger.

This newfound tension between the Boy Who Lived and the Devil's Cabana Boy would play out in the first individual immunity challenge. Harry and Bart were the two competitors who held their breath underwater the longest, resulting in a head-to-head swimming race between the two for immunity. Ultimately, Harry proved to be the better swimmer and was the first castaway to win the immunity necklace.

With Harry safe from elimination, Bart and Nelson set their sights on a different person to vote off: Springfield's resident bartender Moe Syzlak. Sure enough, at tribal council, Moe ended up being the first castaway voted out of the new Sphinx Tribe by a 4-3-1 vote.

Will Bart make a move on Hermione or concede defeat to Harry? After getting 3 votes at tribal council, can Crabbe step it up and get his head out of the noose? Who will be the next person voted off? It should be an interesting three days here on the banks of the Nile…

Day 28

(Neville and Crabbe are out in the oasis of palm trees gathering firewood and having a friendly conversation.)

Neville: (laughing hysterically) Ha HA HA! Wait, so Hermione really punched Malfoy in the nose during third year?

Crabbe: (chuckling) Yeah, you should have seen him run away like a coward! (sighs) I can't believe I put up with his shit for seven years.

Neville: (stops laughing) Anyway, on a bit more serious note, who do you think voted for you last night?

Crabbe: (shrugs shoulders) I have no idea. I haven't really pissed off anyone during my time here, so they must have thought I was the weakest link in the tribe.

Neville: Well, you didn't do much work setting up camp during the merger, so that might have drawn the ire of a few tribe members.

_Crabbe: Yeah, Neville did have a point there. While everyone else was helping out, I was busy eating the burgers Hermione gave me from the representative's dinner. There are so few castaways left that I can't really lay low anymore and expect to avoid votes at tribal council. If I want a shot at winning it all, I'm going to have to step my game up, especially in the challenges._

(Crabbe and Neville arrive back at camp with plenty of wood for the shelter and the fire. Bart and Nelson are lounging around the fire when the two Hogwarts students arrive.)

Neville: Where's everyone else?

Bart: Lisa and Hermione are out in the woods gathering plants for food and Harry is down by the shore fishing.

Crabbe: I think I'll join Harry for some fishing. Any of you wanna come?

Neville: I'm fine. I think I'll sit back for a bit.

(Crabbe grabs a fishing pole and heads down to the shore to join Harry.)

_Neville: I think last night's tribal council was a real wake-up call for Crabbe. He's helping out more around the camp today than he ever did in the early stages of the game. I think the two of us should try to stick together if we want to stand a chance._

(Harry is standing by the shore waiting for a bite when he sees Crabbe approaching him.)

Harry: What's up Crabbe, how's your day been?

Crabbe: It's been alright. Mind If I join you?

Harry: Be my guest.

(Crabbe casts his fishing line. The two stand there in silence for about thirty minutes, as Harry and Crabbe each catch a fish. It is Crabbe who eventually breaks the silence.)

Crabbe: Harry, I understand why you voted for me at tribal council last night.

Harry: Wait, What?

Crabbe: I haven't been doing my share around camp and I'm sure you are a bit reluctant to trust me after all my years siding with Malfoy.

Harry: Uhh…actually Crabbe, I'm the one who voted for Bart last night.

Crabbe: Seriously? (Harry nods) Hmm…what's your grudge with Bart?

Harry: I'm not entirely sure yet. I just have this gut feeling that he's up to something. Even if he isn't planning something, he's definitely one of the favorites to win it all.

Crabbe: You make a good point. I'll be sure to keep Bart in mind as someone to vote off.

(Harry and Crabbe then return to their silent fishing. Meanwhile, back at camp, Lisa and Hermione have returned to camp with a few fresh plants for dinner.)

Neville: Finally, some variety in our diet. I've been getting tired of nothing but rice and fish all the time.

(Lisa and Hermione set the plants down on a slab of wood by the fire. Lisa takes a seat by Nelson while Hermione takes a seat by Bart, which makes the young Simpson boy a little nervous.)

Bart: Sooo…. Sure is getting a bit lonelier around here.

Hermione: I'll say…I miss Ron and Luna more and more every day. I sure hope Luna is making a speedy recovery. Well, at least I still have Harry around. (turns to Bart) Anyone you miss back in Springfield?

Bart: My parents, my baby sister Maggie, and my best friend Milhouse. (sighs) I can't believe I got him kicked off so early.

Hermione: Why'd you do that?

Bart: I don't know…I guess I was just overprotective of my sister and was doing everything I can to win the game.

Hermione: While it goes against all my morals and ethics, I can see why you did what you did. After all, this game is so cutthroat that it makes people do things they wouldn't normally do.

Bart: (laughs nervously) Ha ha…yeah, you got that right.

(Hermione is mildly perplexed by Bart's reaction but shakes it off as nothing. Just then, Harry and Crabbe return to camp with a decent catch of five fish.)

Neville: Way to go guys! We're going to eat well tonight. (He and Lisa grab a fish each and start cooking it over the fire while Harry takes a seat next to Hermione.)

Harry: So how's your day been sweetie?

Hermione: (sarcastic) Oh, the usual…hiking through an oasis for edible plants while marooned in the middle of Egypt. How've you been honey?

Harry: Brilliant (shares a kiss with Hermione) Absolutely brilliant.

(Harry and Hermione continue to talk. Meanwhile, Bart has moved to the other side of the shelter with Nelson and Lisa.)

_Bart: (still a little tense) Okay…I've had a short conversation alone with Hermione. That's a start, but I still need to find a way to be alone her for a longer period of time. I just need to do it once to see if there's any connection there… that's all._

Day 29

(Bart and Nelson volunteered to walk down to the tree-mail to find out what the next reward challenge is all about.)

Nelson: I don't know man…you'd be putting yourself up as a prime target for votes at tribal council if you did that.

Bart: I know, but my stomach is in knots every time I'm around Hermione and it's going to stay that way until I find a way to spend time alone with her.

(They arrive at the tree-mail and Bart grabs the sheet of paper and reads it to himself. When he's done, he has a wide grin on his face and he passes the note to Nelson.)

Nelson: Dude, you know I can't read, right?

Bart: Sorry. The challenge is going to be some sort of test of our survival skills and whoever wins will get to spend the night on a yacht with the person of their choice.

Nelson: (eyes widen with realization) You gotta win that challenge man. Come on, let's go rejoin the others.

Day 29: Reward Challenge

Brian: (playing Call of Duty on Xbox Live) OH YEAH! HEADSHOT BABY! EAT IT! (barks loudly at television)

Cameraman: Brian?

Brian: WHAT! Can't you see I'm on a kill streak?

Cameraman: The reward challenge…

Brian: (sighs and shuts off XBOX) Okay, bring in the survivors…

(Seven remaining castaways join Brian on the beach.)

Brian: Sphinx Tribe, you all have been here for almost thirty days, which is plenty of time to hone your basic survival skills. Today, we put those skills to the test. You will have five minutes to gather as much wood as you can to build a fire. Once the five minutes is up, you will return here to the beach where a fire plot marked by two sticks is waiting for you. The two wooden poles are tied together at the top by a small piece of rope. The first castaway to build their fire, light it and snap their piece of rope in half with the fire will get to stay the night on that private yacht in the Nile with a fellow castaway of his or her choice. Any questions?

Crabbe: Will there be cheeseburgers on the yacht?

Brian: (exasperated) Is food the only thing you think about kid? Seriously, go to a gym or something! (regains his compsure) But I digress! Now, if you all are ready (everyone nods their head in agreement) Survivors Ready….GO!

[The seven survivors sprint off into the oasis of palm trees to gather firewood. Thanks to their stronger statures, Crabbe and Nelson gather the most firewood while Bart and Lisa's smaller bodies prevent them from carrying back a lot of firewood. Once the five minutes for gathering firewood expires, the survivors dash over to their fire pits and begin building their fires. Hermione's intellect and experience with Muggle camping play to her advantage, as she is the first to build up her fire, with Bart and Neville not too far behind. Meanwhile, a flustered Harry sees Bart making progress on his fire and tries to quicken his pace, only to mess up his stack of firewood and have to start over. Bart, Lisa and Hermione light their fires at about the same time, but Hermione's grows slightly faster, and she ends up burning off her rope with the fire first, claiming the reward. She jumps up and down and hugs Harry in celebration.]

Brian: Congratulations, Hermione! You will now get to spend the night on that yacht. (points to yacht out on the Nile) Which of your fellow castaways would you like to join you?

Hermione: I…I don't know, to be honest. I wish they could all join the yacht. They've all earned a little relaxation in my opinion. (Harry taps Hermione on the shoulder and then whispers something in her ear.) However, if I have to choose one, I'd have to go with…Bart. (points to Bart, who is pleasantly surprised by the turn of events while the other castaways, except for Harry, are shocked.)

Brian: Well alright then. I'll stop by camp at sundown to pick you two up. You all may now head back to camp.

Day 29: Sundown

(Harry and Hermione are sitting alone on the beach enjoying the sunset.)

Hermione: The sunset is so beautiful tonight.

Harry: Oh yeah. In fact, it's the second-most beautiful thing here.

Hermione: (smiles and laughs) Harry, that was incredibly schmaltzy.

Harry: (chuckles) Sorry, I'll try to tone down the romance a little bit next time.

Hermione: (kisses him on cheek) Just tone it down too much there, Prince Charming.

(They hear the sound of an engine and see Brian's motorboat in the distance speeding towards camp.)

Harry: That must be Brian. You remember the plan, right?

Hermione: (apprehensive) Uh…yes, I do.

Harry: (concerned look on his face) Is everything alright?

Hermione: It's just...this all seems so wrong.

Harry: I agree, but this is something we have to do if one of us is going to win this. It's just part of the competition, okay?

Hermione: (nods in understanding) Alright (The two share a hug and separate just as Brian's motorboat arrives on shore.)

_Hermione: When I won the reward challenge today, I was originally going to pick Harry to join me on the yacht for obvious reasons, but then he got an idea and told me to invite Bart so that I coax him into revealing his "plans." Personally, I don't think Bart is up to anything suspicious, but I guess there's no harm in doing a little investigating. Besides, it will be great to get to know Bart a little bit better._

Brian: Time for your reward Hermione. Where's El Barto?

Harry: Who? (Bart joins the trio on shore.)

Bart: I think he means me Harry. (Bart joins Hermione and Brian in the motorboat.)

Harry: I'll see you tomorrow Hermione. (Hermione waves as the motorboat speeds off for the yacht.)

Night 29: On the Yacht

(Bart and Hermione are sitting on opposites sides of the table enjoying a delicious steak and salad dinner. In between courses, Bart and Hermione strike up an awkward conversation.)

Bart: So….my sister told me you're quite the student at Hogwarts.

Hermione: Oh, um….yes indeed I am. I got "Outstanding" on my OWLs in every subject…well, except for Divination, which is completely worthless anyway, so I really could care less.

Bart: Well, I don't mean to brag, but I got a B in physical education once.

Hermione: (laughs) That's….impressive. I've never been much of an athlete myself. Harry and Ron are more of the Quidditch type. (Hermione, remembering the task at hand, switches subjects.) So, how do you see the rest of this game playing out? Got any plans?

Bart: (nervous) Uhh…well, maybe I do and maybe I don't. (regains compsure and glares across table) Who wants to know?

Hermione: Oh, it's just…(sighs) Bart, do you know why I picked you to join me on the yacht? (Bart shakes head) Well, I have to confess…

Bart: (interrupting) your love for me? (clasps hand over mouth)

Hermione: (shocked) WHAT? NO!... Actually, Harry told me to pick you so I could figure out what you're up to.

Bart: (disappointed) Oh…That makes a lot more sense.

Hermione: Bart, do you have feelings for me?

Bart: I guess the cat is out of the box. It's true, I do have a bit of a crush on you, but can you blame me? I mean, you're smart, nice, beautiful, not to mention the only girl here who's not related to me.

Hermione: (smiles) Bart, relax. I'm very flattered, but you have to understand that my heart belongs to Harry. You're more like the little brother I never had. Mischievous and a prankster, but deep down a good person who really knows how to have fun and is much cleverer than he thinks he is.

Bart: (coming to terms with rejection) I'm still disappointed, but I think I can live with that. (Bart and Hermione get up from the table and share a hug)

Hermione: That was it, wasn't it? That's what made Harry suspicious of you? (Bart nods) I knew he was all worked up over nothing. (the two stand in brief silence)

Bart: Well, are we going to eat this dessert or what? (points to chocolate cake)

Hermione: I'm kind of full, but I guess I'll have a slice or two.

Bart: I heard they have a Wii downstairs…you ever play Mario Kart before?

Hermione: No…In fact, I've never even heard of it.

Bart: (wide-eyed) What? You're in for a huge treat because that game is kick-ass.

Hermione: I'm a beginner, so promise you'll go easy on me.

Bart: (smirks) I'll try. (Bart and Hermione get up from the table and head below deck.)

Day 30: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (shooting basketball at nearby basketball hoop, but airs ball his shot) Damn it, that's five misses in a row.

Cameraman: Brian, you're on!

Brian: (turns around to look at camera) Oh, hi…didn't see ya there. With only nine days left until a winner is determined, each immunity challenge gets more and more important, especially for someone who is at risk of being voted. So, without further ado, let's bring on our seven remaining survivors. (survivors join Brian on beach) Castaways, unlike our reward challenge yesterday, today's immunity challenge is going to be much less survivor-esque. In front of you is a basketball and basketball hoop. The goal of this challenge is simple. Each of you will take ten free throws from the line in the sand, and whoever makes the most wins immunity.

Lisa: Is that the best challenge you could up with? Seriously, Ralph Wiggum could have up with that one.

Brian: I know, isn't it awful? Our creative team is really starting to run out of ideas. Anyways, Harry I'm going to need that necklace back. (Harry takes immunity necklace off neck and hands it to Brian.) I've randomly determined the order in which you will shoot. Lisa, you're up first.

[Lisa grabs the basketball and steps up to the free throw line. Having never been an good athlete, Lisa only makes three of her ten free throws. Neville is next up, and he doesn't do much better, making only five out of ten free throws. After a three for ten performance from Hermione, Nelson blows the competition away, making eight out of ten free throws. Harry gets close, but fall short of Nelson's mark, sinking seven of ten shots. After a woeful four of ten showing from Crabbe, Bart is the last one up. He makes seven of his first nine, but his last shot to force a tiebreaker goes off the front of the rim and is no good. Nelson wins immunity.]

Brian: Congratulations Nelson Muntz! You have immunity from tonight's tribal council. (Brian hands Nelson the immunity necklace. Bart gives Nelson a pat on the back as he puts the necklace around his neck.)

Day 30: Back At Camp 

Lisa: Bart, I thought you were going to be in an alliance with me, Harry and Hermione.

Bart: I'm sorry Lis, but I just can't be an alliance with a guy that I don't see eye to eye with.

Lisa: How do you know you wouldn't get along with Harry? You two have barely hung out together. Besides, you're just jealous that he and Hermione make such a perfect couple.

Bart: Am not

Lisa: Are too

Bart: Am not

Lisa: Are too

Bart: Am n….okay, perhaps I'm a wee bit jealous of Harry, but someone has to go, and it might as well be him. He's a strong competitor and one of the top threats to win it all.

Lisa: You're right, but…he's one of my friends here.

Bart: You're going to have vote off friends sooner or later Lis. Heck, you're gonna have to vote me off sooner or later too.

Lisa: Look, there's still some time before tribal council…I'll think about it, alright? (Bart nods and leaves Lisa alone while he converses with Nelson. Meanwhile, Harry and Hermione talk about what Hermione learned on the yacht last night.)

Harry: What, that was it? You put him down easy, right? (Hermione nods) I feel kind of bad for Bart, but I still think we should target him at tonight's vote. He's one of the top survivors left and he could try to form a counter-alliance with Nelson, Crabbe and Neville. We get rid of him, and we can pick off the others one by one until it's just the two of us. (puts arm around Hermione)

Hermione: It's a good idea, but promise me we save Lisa for last, alright?

Harry: As you wish, my love. (kisses Hermione on forehead)

Tribal Council

Brian: With the elimination of another castaway upon us, Harry and Bart, two of the strongest players left, seem poised to be the primary targets for elimination. Tonight's vote could ultimately be swayed by Lisa Simpson, who is torn between his brother's alliance with Nelson and Harry and Hermione's alliance. The only thing we know for sure is that Nelson Muntz won't be voted off, as he possesses the immunity necklace that prevents others from voting for him. On that note, let's bring in the survivors. (Seven remaining castaways take their seats.) and now let's bring in the jury, which currently stands at four members. (Ron, Homer, Draco and Moe enter via side door and take seats opposite castaways.) Before we begin, I have a few questions for our castaways, the first of which is directed at Lisa. Where do you think you stand in the Sphinx Tribe at this point?

Lisa: In the past few days, I've kind of flown under the radar a little bit, a strategy that has its pros and cons. While I don't consider myself a target for elimination tonight, I might be at risk in the future if I don't become more involved in the tribal politics.

Brian: My next question is for Harry. Now that you know that Bart merely had a crush on Hermione and wasn't plotting anything major, do you still have any ill will towards him?

Harry: Although I no longer consider Bart an enemy or a competitor for Hermione's love, that doesn't mean I'm not aware of his potential to go all the way. Quite honestly, all of the remaining castaways could win it all. We've all made it this far because we've all played the game well to this point.

Brian: Uh-huh. Last but certainly not least, I have a question for Nelson. You currently control the immunity necklace. Would you like to give it someone else?

Nelson: (pauses for a few moments before speaking) You know Brian, I've thought long and hard about this…

(Ron and Homer both laugh quietly) Ron: That's what she said...

Hermione: (rolls her eyes) Oh, grow up you two, especially you Mr. Simpson. (Ron and Homer silence their laughter and allow Nelson to continue.)

Nelson: As I was saying, I've decided to…give the immunity necklace to Bart, as he probably needs it more than me. (takes off necklace and gives it to Bart, whose mouth is open in shock)

Bart: Wow, I don't know what to say…thanks man.

Draco: (under his breath) you dumbass.

Bart: What you say about my friend Malfoy?

Malfoy: Oh, nothing.

Brian: Interesting decision and a great display of friendship, Nelson. With that being said, it's time to vote. Bart, since you now possess the immunity necklace, lead us off.

[Bart walks up to the voting booth, and writes down his vote and shows it to the camera: HARRY] You can have Hermione, but you can't have the million dollars too. Adios boy wizard! [puts vote in bucket]

[Shot of Nelson Voting, Shot of Neville voting, then Hermione walks up to booth and votes for NELSON.] I admire your friendship, but that was not a smart decision…at all.

[Shot of Harry voting, then Crabbe voting, then Lisa, like Hermione, votes for NELSON.] What can I say Nelson? Your heart is definitely bigger than your mind. See ya back in Springfield. [folds up vote, puts in bucket and returns to seat. Brian then goes into booth to tally the votes and returns with the bucket.]

Brian: Fire represents life, yadda yadda yadda, time to read the votes. (pulls piece of paper out of bucket and reads it) First vote is for…Harry. Second vote…Harry. Third vote…Nelson…next vote is also for Nelson…that's two for Nelson, two for Harry…next vote…another for Harry…sixth vote…Nelson…that makes three for Nelson, three for Harry with one vote left (pulls last vote out of bucket and pauses for dramatic effect) the tenth person voted off the island and the fifth member of our jury is…Nelson! I'm going to need you to bring me your torch. (Nelson gets up, high fives Bart, then grabs his torch and stands next to Brian) Nelson Muntz, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes flame) You have to go now. (Nelson leaves tribal council hut via side door along with jury.) As for the rest of you, congratulations on making it to the top six! You may now head back to camp. (Six remaining castaways grab torches and head back to camp.)

**END OF EPISODE TEN**

Confessional

Nelson: In hindsight, giving Bart the immunity necklace was probably the dumbest thing I could've done, but like I said before, he needed it more than I did. Besides, he probably has a much better chance of winning it all than I had. It's the least I could do for my best friend. Good luck the rest of the way Bart-man, I'll be rooting for ya!

Tribal Council #10 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Voters

Nelson (4)

Lisa

Hermione

Harry

Neville

Harry (3)

Bart

Nelson

Crabbe


	12. Chapter 12

Simpsons Vs. Harry Potter Survivor 

Episode 11

Brian: We have reached crunch time here on the banks of the Nile. With the million dollar reward so tantalizingly close, tension is starting to build among our six remaining castaways. Harry Potter, thinking Bart was plotting something big, was hoping for an opportunity to investigate, and got his chance when Hermione won a reward and a night on a private yacht with another castaway. At Harry's insistence, Hermione chose Bart. On the yacht, Bart accidentally gave away his crush on Hermione, but the two were able to come to an understanding that their relationship would be nothing more than platonic before enjoying the rest of their night on the yacht.

In the next day's immunity challenge, the castaways had to make as many free throws as they could out of ten. In a heated competition, Nelson Muntz emerged victorious and won control of the immunity challenge, leaving Harry and his friend Bart as the top two candidates for removal from the island. This left Lisa stuck between her brother's alliance and her current alliance with Harry and Hermione.

At tribal council, in a shocking turn of events, Nelson gave his immunity necklace to Bart to save him from elimination. Unfortunately, Nelson's admirable display of friendship put his own head in a noose, as Lisa ultimately sided with Harry and Hermione's alliance to vote off Nelson by a 4-3 count.

With only two members of the former Simpsons Tribe left, will the Hogwarts students gang together to vote them off and have an all-Hogwarts Final Four? Will Lisa choose to stick with her current alliance or switch over to Bart's side? Who will be voted off next? We're about to find out…

Day 31

_Harry: Fatigue has started to set in for everyone. We've all been awake for a few hours, but we've been doing nothing but sitting around the fire and talking._

_Hermione: As our numbers in the tribe decrease, the tension seems to increase exponentially. Everyone can sense that the million dollar grand prize is within their grasp and no one wants to come this far only to fall short. _

_Lisa: I think last night's vote might have something to do with the mood around camp today. There is no one here that really disliked Nelson and yet we voted him off anyway. Bart is probably the most depressed out of all of us right now._

(Bart is lying down in the shelter staring up at the green roof of palm leaves when Lisa joins him.)

Lisa: How you holding up Bart? (Bart doesn't move a muscle) Look, I know you're upset about Nelson being voted off, but it's like you said, sooner or later we're going to vote off our friends and family. (Bart sits up)

Bart: (sighs) You're right Lis, but it doesn't change the fact that my best friend is gone and the Hogwarts kids out-number us 4 to 2. They just pick us off one by one now…it's hopeless.

Lisa: I'm surprised at you. You've gone all this way, you formed that alliance with Nelson, Moe and Dad that got both Milhouse and Flanders kicked out of the game. In fact, I'd argue that you've played the game better than anyone else out here. True, the odds are against the two of us, but as long as we're on this island, we've got a chance.

(Lisa's motivational seems to work as Bart stands up and smile for the first time all day.)

Bart: Thanks Lis, I needed that. (hugs Lisa) So, we're going to need to get at least one of the Hogwarts students on our side if we want to survive the vote. (thinking) How are we going to manage that?

Lisa: There's a good chance I can get Hermione on our side on the condition that we don't go after Harry.

Bart: I don't know…that would help us survive the next vote, but we need to think more long-term. What about Crabbe? He seems easy to manipulate, and we can dump him once we reach the final four.

Lisa: (uncertain) Yes, but Hermione…

Bart: is one of the contenders to win the million dollars, or whatever the heck their currency is…especially if both she and Harry make it to the final four. Trust me, we need to go after Harry.

Lisa: (groans and hesitates before responding) Alright…let's talk with Crabbe the first chance we get, okay? (Bart nods in reply. Meanwhile, on the beach, Neville, Harry and Hermione are lounging by the campfire.)

Neville: (sits up) Oi, are we just going to lie around like this all day?

Harry: Why not?

Neville: Come on guys, how about a game of football? I brought a ball as my luxury item.

Harry: (sits up) Well, I guess there's no point in sitting around and moping all day. (Neville goes to shelter to get his ball. Harry turns attention to Hermione) Besides, our position in this game is pretty stable.

Hermione: Definitely...I've got it all planned out…We vote off Crabbe next, then Bart, Neville and finally Lisa…leaving just the two of us.

Harry: Ummm…..that's a good plan Hermione, but perhaps we should switch the order a little bit.

Hermione: How so?

Harry: Well, we can vote Bart and Lisa off next, which should be no problem because Hogwarts outnumbers Simpsons 4 to 2 right now. Then, It will three Gryffindors against one Slytherin, so Crabbe would definitely be voted off next, and then we vote off Neville by a 2-1 vote, leaving just the two of us.

Hermione: (furrows her brows) Excuse me, but what happened to saving Lisa for last?

Harry: I know…I know you wanted Lisa to be the last one we voted off, but I think this is the best strategy.

Hermione: (shakes her head) I…I don't know, and quite frankly I don't care anymore. This game is completely barbaric! You meet all these new people, make new friends, and then you have to stab them in the back. (gets up and starts walking away)

Harry: Where are you going Hermione?

Hermione: (yells) I just need to be alone for a minute! (walks down the beach, obviously flustered. A few seconds later, Neville returns with his ball and is joined by Bart and Lisa.)

Lisa: What's wrong with Hermione?

Harry: It's nothing really. I think the pressure of the game is starting to get to her a little bit is all.

Bart: (looks at Neville's ball) How are we supposed to play football with that thing? It's too big and round.

Neville: Oh, I forgot that you all call our football soccer in the States.

Bart: Oh, gotcha

Neville: So, you guys up for a 2-on-2 friendly?

Bart and Lisa: Huh?

Neville: (sighs) Exhibition game!

Bart/Lisa: Ohhhhhh

(Harry, Bart, Lisa and Neville draw a makeshift soccer field in the sand and stick pieces of wood in the sandy beach for goals. The four of them then spend the rest of the day playing soccer, diverting their attention from the competition at hand.)

_Lisa: I think it was a great idea by Neville to play a little friendly game of soccer. It really eased the tension in the camp and gave us all a chance to let loose and have some fun. However, tomorrow it's back to business with the reward challenge._

Day 32

(Crabbe walks over to the tree-mail, grabs the message in the box and returns to camp.)

Bart: So, what's on the menu today Crabbe my man?

Crabbe: Not entirely sure…the paper just reads "Climb to Get the Prize."

Lisa: (rolls her eyes) Well, you can eliminate me from contention from the get-go.

Reward Challenge

Brian: (looking around in the sand) Gosh, I could've sworn it was around here somewhere.

Harry: Uhhh….what are you looking for? (Brian looks up to see the six castaways already there, ready for the challenge)

Brian: Wow, you guys got here quick. If you must know, I was looking for a tennis ball I buried here a few days ago. It was like seriously the coolest tennis ball in the frickin planet. Just don't tell any other dogs about it as they might get jealous. (The castaways exchange confused looks.)

Hermione: Well, I hope you find it, but in the meantime, I believe there's a challenge to attend to.

Brian: Ah yes, today's reward challenge. Legend has it that within the forest of palm trees next to us are three golden coconuts hidden in the tops of the trees. For today's challenge, you must climb up the palm trees until you find one of the golden coconuts. The first person to retrieve a golden coconut and bring it back here will win the challenge and the opportunity to contact someone from home via cell phone. Any questions?

Neville: Is that really a legend or did your crew members just plant the coconuts in there?

Brian: Don't overthink this, okay? Just get the damn coconuts…NOW! (castaways don't move) That's your signal to go!

Lisa: but don't you usually say…

Brian: Just GO!

[This time, the castaways do take off for the palm trees, running a bit deeper into the woods before they begin climbing the trees. Lisa and Crabbe seem to struggle the most with the climbing and take much longer to climb the trees than the others. Meanwhile, Bart and Harry were searching the trees at a torrid pace. At roughly the same time, Bart and Harry arrived at the peaks of different trees and each found one of the golden coconuts. They grab the coconuts and descend the trees as quickly as possible to make a run to the finish line. However, Bart has the distinct advantage of his tree being slightly closer to the beach, so he ends up edging out Harry in a foot race and claiming the challenge. Tired, he simply pumps his arms up in the air jubilation before lying down on the beach for a rest.]

Brian: Congratulations, Bart! (takes cell phone out of pocket) Here is a cell phone for your one phone call…use it wisely!

(Bart takes a minute to contemplate how he will use his one phone call before he comes up with a brilliant idea.)

Bart: Hey guys, come over here! You're gonna love this! (other castaways as well as Brian make a circle around Bart as he dials a number. He puts the phone on speaker and lies it on the ground. After a few tones of the phone, a very familiar voice answers from the other end of the line.)

Moe: Yeah hello, Moe's Tavern, home of the world's smallest large-screen TV. How can I help ya?

Bart: (deepens his voice to disguise it) Yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. Kissandhug, first name Amanda.

Moe: Yeah, hold on let me check. Hey everybody, is Amanda Kissandhug here? Hey everybody, I want Amanda Kissanhug! Oh, why can't I get Amanda Kissandhug? (sounds of laughter can be heard from the other end of the line as well as from the castaways. Then, there is another familiar voice heard on the phone)

Homer: Maybe your standards are too high Moe!

(More laughter from both sides, followed by the sound of an angry grunt and then silence as Moe hangs up. Laughter continues amongst the castaways for a few moments before they regain their compsure and begin to head back to camp.)

Brian: Well, certainly not my first choice of whom I would call, but thanks for the laugh Bart. I'll see you all tomorrow for the immunity challenge.

_Bart: That was so…totally…worth it!_

Day 32

(After the challenge, Bart and Crabbe are out by the shore fishing for dinner.)

Bart: So Crabbe…how do you feel about your position in the game right now?

Crabbe: (looks over at Bart) To be honest, it's probably not very good.

Bart: How would you like to make it better?

Crabbe: (drops fishing pole) I'm interested.

Bart: My sister and I are planning to vote off Harry at the next tribal council, assuming he doesn't win immunity tomorrow of course.

Crabbe: (skeptical) If I join your alliance, what's in it for me?

Bart: Guaranteed safe passage to the final four, and a much better chance of winning it all.

Crabbe: How so?

Bart: Think about it…Since Hogwarts students outnumbered Simpsons tribe members 4 to 2, Harry and Hermione are likely to try to vote Lisa and I off next so the final four would be all Hogwarts tribe members. However, since your three classmates are all Gryffindor, I think it's pretty obvious who would get voted off first out of the four of you.

Crabbe: (nods head) Makes sense to me…but what happens once we get to the final four? Are you just going to dump me?

Bart: Let's just worry about the next vote, okay? Once we get to the final four, it's every person for himself or herself.

(Bart and Crabbe resume fishing and manage to catch a few fish before the sun sets.)

Day 33: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (digging in dirt and grabs tennis ball) Ah-ha…finally found it!

Cameraman: Brian?

Brian: (looks at camera and puts tennis ball in pocket) With another tribal council tonight, it is shaping up to be another Bart vs. Harry showdown unless one of the two wins immunity today or if someone decides to pull a Nelson Muntz to bail them out. Also, unlike the last immunity challenge, this one is actually somewhat Survivor-esque. What could it be? Let's bring out the survivors.

(The six remaining castaways join Brian by the shore of the Nile.)

Brian: Sphinx Tribe, today's challenge will be a test of your endurance and balance. (points out the Nile) Out there in the river we have set up a small wooden balance beam that is just big enough for the six of you. The rules are simple: Whoever stays on the balance beam the longest wins immunity and is safe from tonight's vote, assuming you don't pull a Nelson Muntz of course. (silence except for cricket noises in background)

Cameraman: It wasn't funny the first time Brian, so what made you think it would be funny the second time?

Brian: (points at camera) Okay, you are so not being my camera guy for next season.

Neville: Next season?

Brian: D'oh! I wasn't supposed to mention this until the end of the final episode, but yes I will be hosting a second season of Survivor.

Hermione: Does that mean we have to do this all over again?

Brian: Don't worry…it will be 16 different people next season.

Hermione: Thank bloody Merlin.

Brian: Okay, I think we've gotten a little bit off topic, so why don't you guys just swim on out to the balance beam so we can get this challenge over with, okay?

(The six castaways swim out to the balance beam in the Nile River and stand on it to get ready for the challenge.)

Brian (still on shore): Okay, SURVIVORS READY….GO!

[For about thirty minutes, all six survivors stay on the platform until Crabbe loses his balance and is the first to fall in the water. Neville joins Crabbe on the sidelines a few minutes later, leaving Harry, Hermione, Bart and Lisa as the last four left. Bart and Lisa have an easier time staying on the balance beam with their shorter height and lower center of gravity. An hour and a half into the challenge, Hermione slips into the water, leaving Harry as the last Hogwarts representative in the competition. While the last three continues to balance, the eliminated members of the Sphinx Tribe discuss the impending tribal council.]

Neville: So, we're all voting for Bart, right?

(Hermione says nothing, but nods in acknowledgement.)

Crabbe: Oh yes….yes, of course. (Neville raises an eyebrow at Crabbe's hesitation.)

[Back on the balance beam, Bart, Harry and Lisa are intently focused on staying on the platform. Suddenly, at the two hour mark, Bart loses his focus for just a split second, but it was long enough to lose his balance and fall in the water. Bart splashes in the water furiously in frustration, knowing that he may have just sealed his fate. He then swims back to shore.]

Bart: (upon arriving at beach) GO LIS! You got this baby sis!

[Lisa hears his brother's words of encouragement, but doesn't acknowledge as she keeps her mind on the task at hand: staying on the balance beam longer than Harry. Another half an hour later, Harry's footing becomes a little unsteady while Lisa remains solidly in place. Realizing the he probably won't beat Lisa, Harry decides to talk her into falling off the platform.]

Harry: Lisa, you know I'm danger of getting voted off, right? (Lisa nods) So, I was thinking…if you fall off the platform now, I would be safe and we could keep our alliance intact since you and Hermione are not in danger of getting voted off. You catch my drift?

Lisa: (maintaining a look of focus and determination) I can't do it Harry. No alliance is as important right now as that immunity necklace. So, if you want to be safe from tonight's vote, you're going to have to go through me hotshot.

Harry: (sighs) Well, it was worth a shot. [Harry has a look of resignation on his face just before his left foot slips off the platform. Harry falls into the water with an emphatic splash, ending the challenge and giving the victory to Lisa. Harry swims back to shore and Lisa soon follows after a triumphant jump off the platform.]

Brian: Congratulations, Lisa! Here is the immunity necklace, you are safe from tonight's tribal council! (Lisa puts the necklace around her neck and then gets a hug from her big brother Bart. Lisa hugs him back and kisses him on the cheek.)

Back at Sphinx Tribe Camp

(Bart and Lisa are hanging out at the spring gathering fresh water and talking about the immunity challenge.)

Bart: You were crazy good today Lis! It was almost as if you were super glued to the board!

Lisa: (laughs) Thanks Bart. You weren't too bad yourself. Although, I don't think I ever apologized for all the fighting we did in the first half of this game.

Bart: You did Lis, but you didn't have to. Sure, we were in tribes to start with, and everyone is in the same tribe now, but this is ultimately an every man, or woman, for himself competition.

Lisa: Speaking of every person for himself or herself, don't expect to do what Nelson did at last tribal council. You may be my brother, but there is no way I'm letting go of this. (points at immunity necklace around her neck.)

Bart: (nods) Do what you got to do Lis.

Tribal Council

(The six castaways enter the hut via the front entrance. Brian is already in his seat waiting for them.)

Brian: Before we start, let's bring in the five members of our jury. (Ron, Homer, Draco, Moe and Nelson enter the hut through the side door and take their seats beside Brian.) A few questions before we commence with the voting. Hermione, over the past few days you have grown weary of voting people off that you have befriended during your time here in Egypt. Do you feel that your enthusiasm and desire to win this game has waned or are you still in it to win it?

Hermione: Good question Brian. I consider myself to be a very honest and straightforward person, but when it comes to this game, honesty is not really the best policy. Consequently, I've had to do things, such as secret meetings or talking behind people's backs, that I normally don't do unless it is absolutely necessary. In this instance, it is necessary to be a little deceitful, but I certainly don't enjoy doing it. With that being said, I am still as bound and determined to win that million dollars as everyone else who is still in the game.

Brian: Next question is for Bart. This isn't really Survivor-related, per say, but I've been dying to know…how many licks does it take to get the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Bart: (confused) Uhhh…I'm not sure. I think I did it in 18 licks once.

Brian: Alright, 18 licks it is then. Lastly, this question is for Lisa. You have the immunity necklace around your neck, would you like to pull a Nelson Muntz and give it to someone else?

Nelson: Okay, can you just get off my back about that please?

Brian: Nope, I'm going to keep saying "pull a Nelson Muntz" until the phrase sticks.

Nelson: (glares at Brian and shakes fist) You won't be able to say it with a knuckle sandwich down your throat.

Brian: (laughs nervously) Lisa, your response?

Lisa: A definite no.

Brian: Okay then, why don't you lead off the voting for us Lisa before Nelson tears me a new one.

[Lisa walks up to the voting booth, grabs a piece of paper, and writes down her vote for HARRY.]

I hate to break up a cute couple like Harry and Hermione, even if it's only for a few days. However, Bart is in danger of getting eliminated, and blood is thicker than water. It's been great getting to know you here in Egypt Harry and I hope we can stay in touch. [puts vote in bucket and returns to seat.]

[Shot of Neville Voting, then Crabbe Voting, then Harry shows his vote to the camera: BART.] I'm sticking with the plan. You've been a great competitor Bart, but it's time for you to leave.

[Shot of Bart voting, then Hermione casts her vote and puts it in the bucket without showing to the camera.] She returns to her seat and Brian goes to tally the votes and returns with the bucket.

Brian: As always, the person who is voted off must leave immediately and will become part of the jury. I will now read the votes. (opens the bucket and pulls out a piece of paper.) First vote is for…Bart…next vote…Harry…next, another vote for Harry….fourth vote…Bart…two for Bart, two for Harry….fifth vote is for…Hermione? (Hermione has a puzzled look on her face)…well, it has come down to the last vote…and that final vote is for…Harry! I'm going to need your torch buddy. (Harry, unpleasantly surprised by the result, takes a few seconds to get up. He kisses Hermione lovingly on the lips before grabbing his things and his torch. He gets a round of applause from the remaining castaways as well as the jury, with the exception of Malfoy, as he gives Brian his torch.)

Brian: Harry Potter, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes Harry's torch) It's time for you to go. (Harry leaves silently through a side door and is soon followed by the jury.) Well, this has no doubt been a very important tribal council. One of the top dogs is out of the game and someone who wasn't expected to be in jeopardy of elimination got a vote. The five of you may now head back to camp. (The final five castaways grab their torches and head back to the Sphinx Tribe camp.)

**END OF EPISODE ELEVEN**

Confessional 

Harry: I saw this coming as soon as I lost the immunity challenge to Lisa, but even so it's still a shock to the system. I felt like I played the game to the best of my ability, forming alliances, winning challenges, and always helping out around camp. Nonetheless, I still came up a little bit short. Hermione, I love you with all my heart and I hope you are not too saddened by my elimination. I wish the five remaining castaways the best of luck in the final six days of this competition. That's all I've got to say I guess, so if you excuse me, I have a wand to reclaim. (leaves confessional booth)

Tribal Council #11 Voting

Now for the answer to the burning question of the episode: Who voted for Hermione?

Candidate (# of Votes)

Harry (3)

Bart

Lisa

Crabbe

Bart (2)

Harry

Hermione

Hermione (1)

Neville


	13. Episode 12 Days 34 to 36

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 12

Brian: We have six days remaining here in Egypt, and we are only episode away from the finale. The pressure has started to get to some of our survivors, including Hermione, who has been reluctant to discuss strategy or voting.

For the reward challenge, the survivors had to climb up trees in the palm tree forest and retrieve one of three golden coconuts. Bart was the first to grab a coconut and escape the forest, and was allowed a cell phone call home, which he used as another opportunity to prank call Moe's Tavern in Springfield.

In the immunity challenge, the six castaways had to balance on a wooden beam for long as possible. Despite Harry trying to persuade otherwise, Lisa Simpson, the resident know-it-all of Springfield, was the last one standing on the platform and claimed the immunity necklace.

The tribal council was geared up to be another Bart vs. Harry showdown, and that's exactly what it was. It was a close vote, but thanks to Bart and Lisa being on the same page and Neville's surprising vote for Hermione, the Boy Who Lived did not live in Egypt long enough to see the end of this game and was eliminated by a 3-2-1 vote. Can Hermione cope without her boyfriend? Will Neville explain why he voted for Hermione? With five survivors left, which one will be left out of the final episode? The answer to these questions and much more….right now!

Day 34

(Hermione is the first to wake up in the Sphinx Tribe shelter. She steps out, careful not to wake the others and goes to the spring to swim and relax.)

_Hermione: Last night was my roughest night ever here in Egypt. It was very lonely without Harry beside me, and I'll admit to crying on more than one occasion. Fortunately, I think all the sadness is out of my system now and I can get back to the task of winning the money._

(Hermione is soon joined in the spring by Lisa.)

Lisa: Hey, how are you holding up?

Hermione: (smiles) A far sight better than I was right after tribal council.

Lisa: I'm sorry about voting for Harry, but…

Hermione: (interrupting) You don't have to apologize Lisa. You were just playing the game and sticking up for your brother. In fact, I'm a bit more concerned about the vote that I got last night. It must have been either Crabbe or Neville who cast that vote because Harry and I voted for your brother and I'm sure you and Bart voted for Harry, right? (Lisa nods)

_Neville: So, you all are probably wondering why I voted for Hermione. I don't have anything against her, but it was just a consequence of circumstances. It started after the immunity challenge when Crabbe kept badgering me to vote for Harry, which I would never do. Harry has been a friend of mine at Hogwarts since first year. However, Crabbe did make a very convincing argument for joining Bart's side, so I found it hard to get myself to vote for Bart. I had earlier promised Crabbe that we would stick together, so he wasn't an option, and I couldn't vote for Lisa because she had immunity. Therefore, by process of elimination, that left Hermione. Sadly, by avoiding the whole Bart vs. Harry vote, I inadvertently sealed Harry's fate. I feel guilty about voting for Hermione, but it would certainly be to my benefit not to confess the truth to her. The only person that knows what I did is Crabbe, and it's going to stay that way._

(Crabbe is out fishing by the Nile River when Bart pats him on the back and joins him.)

Bart: (casting his line) Good vote last night. Everything went according to plan.

Crabbe: Who do we go after next?

Bart: I was thinking Hermione (pauses), but then again you might have already done that.

Crabbe: (shakes head) I promised not to say this, but it was Neville who voted for Hermione.

Bart: (puzzled) I wonder what compelled him to do that.

Crabbe: It might have been indecisiveness. I tried to persuade him to vote for Harry, but he refused to budge.

Bart: No offense, but I'm kind of surprised you know the word 'indecisiveness.'

Crabbe: (smirks) Trust me, you're not the first person I've surprised with my intellect. I've actually passed all of my OWLs at Hogwarts fairly easily, but for some reason people still think I'm as dumb as a fencepost. I mean, I'm not among the smartest in my year at Hogwarts, but I can hold my own in class. (Bart nods, the conversation ends and they both go back to fishing)

Day 35: Reward Challenge

Brian: Today's reward challenge will be the last one of the competition for our survivors. In store for our five remaining castaways is a thorough test of their survival skills. A pleasant surprise awaits whoever emerges from this challenge victorious. It looks like our five castaways are about to arrive.

(Hermione, Crabbe, Neville, Bart and Lisa arrive at challenge site.)

Brian: Castaways, today's reward is your last one, and it also arguably the most difficult one. You all must perform a gauntlet of tasks necessary to surviving in the wild. First, you will build a shelter to accommodate yourself. Then, you must gather enough food to fill your bucket (points to five decent-sized buckets in the corner); finally, you must build a fire. Once the fire is done, you will race over to those five flags (points to flags slightly downshore from challenge site) and grab the one with your name it. The first tribe member to grab the flag and place it in the sand in front of his or her shelter wins the reward. You want to know what that reward is?

Bart: Duh…of course we do!

Brian: Fine, no need to be such a prick about it. (walks towards the forest a bit) COME ON OUT EVERYONE! (The five castaways are amazed to see all the survivors who were previously voted off: Ralph Wiggum, Gregory Goyle, Milhouse van Houten, Ned Flanders, Luna Lovegood, Ron Weasley, Homer Simpson, Draco Malfoy, Moe Syzlak, Nelson Muntz and Harry Potter. Hermione is particularly shocked to see Luna, who has made a remarkable recovery from the snake attack on Day 15.)

Brian: In case you haven't figured it out already, the winner of the challenge gets to spend the rest of the day with one of the previously eliminated contestants. Furthermore, the five of you may choose two of the previously eliminated survivors to help you with this challenge. Your assistants can help you with everything except getting the flag and placing it in the sand. You will pick your two castaways in the order that you finished the last immunity challenge. Lisa, since you won that challenge, you may choose your assistants first.

(Lisa rubs her chin, pondering who she wants to pick.)

Lisa: I'll go with Milhouse and Flanders. (Bart seems a little perturbed that Lisa beat him to Milhouse. Lisa responds by sticking her tongue out in typical younger sibling fashion.)

Brian: Bart, your turn to pick.

Bart: Moe and Nelson (the members of Bart's former alliance join him by his side.)

Brian: Next to choose is…Hermione.

Hermione: (smiles) Brian, I think it's pretty obvious who I want to help me, but for formality's sake, I'll say their names anyway. Harry and Ron. (Harry and Ron, grinning ear to ear, rush over to join Hermione. The three share a hug.)

Ron: The Golden Trio rides again!

Brian: Neville Longbottom, your turn to pick assistants. You have Ralph, Goyle, Luna, Homer and Draco.

Neville: This is a tough decision, but I'll have to go with Luna and Ralph. (Luna joins Neville, albeit with some hesitation. Ralph is busy picking his nose, but eventually joins them as well.)

Ralph: I snorted this white powder once, and it made me see pink elephants. (Neville and Luna exchange bewildered looks.)

Neville: (shakes his head) I'm doomed.

Brian: Crabbe, pick your assistants so we can get started.

Crabbe: Goyle and Homer. (Goyle and Homer stand by Crabbe, leaving Malfoy alone with Brian.)

Brian: Alright, now that everything's set and everyone knows the rules, SURVIVORS READY….GO!

[The challenge officially begins on Brian's signal, but it doesn't seem like it as the five survivors and their teams spend the first few minutes strategizing about how they will approach the challenge.]

Hermione: Okay, so the shelter is definitely going to be the most difficult part of the challenge, so we'll work on that together. Then, I'll get the fire going while you two gather the food. Sounds good?

Harry: Sounds brilliant! [The Golden Trio then set about gathering the materials for their shelter. However, not all of the teams are starting as smoothly.]

Neville: Well, first things first, Luna, I deeply apologize for attacking you with the snake and…

Luna: You don't need to apologize Neville. Harry and Ron told me everything about Malfoy controlling you with the Imperius Curse.

Neville: Really? Oh man, what a relief! Anyway, we should probably get started with….(looks around) where the hec is that Ralph kid?

Ralph: (standing next to Brian) I have a dog that looks just like you. Say "Woof Woof"

Brian: Kid, you should probably get back to helping Neville with the challenge.

Ralph: (expression changes from innocent to angry) Say "Woof Woof" or I'll sick the leprechaun on you.

Brian: (eyes wide as saucers) Woof Woof! Woof Woof! Woof Woof! You happy now?

Ralph: (claps hands) Yeah!

[Back at the challenge, the teams of Bart, Lisa and Hermione are about neck and neck in building their shelters. The teams of Crabbe and Neville fall way behind as Homer has fallen asleep and Ralph is now buring himself in the sand, leaving both teams a man down. By a small margin, Hermione's team finish the shelter first. As planned, Hermione begins to gather firewood for the fire while Harry grabs a fishing pole and Ron goes into the forest to gather edible plants. The teams of Lisa and Bart finish their shelter at about the same time. Crabbe and Goyle finish up the shelter fourth, and Neville and Luna bring up the rear. With her vast knowledge of the local flora, Lisa is able to obtain edible plants quickly and her team eventually passes Hermione's for the lead. Harry, however, comes through with his fishing to keep Hermione's team close while Bart's team is still very much in the hunt. The three teams fill up their buckets of food at roughly the same time. Unfortunately for Lisa, her team has some trouble with the fire and fall behind. As she did in an earlier reward challenge, Hermione is first to get the fire going and dashes off for the flag. Just a few moments later, Bart sparks his fire and sprints furiously to catch up with Hermione. Hermione gets her flag first and starts running back to her shelter. Bart grabs his flag quickly, striving to catch up to Hermione, but he can't quite catch up. Hermione raises her flag and claims her second individual reward challenge win. Harry and Ron embrace her once she is done raising the flag and the Golden Trio jump up and down in jubilation.]

Brian: Congratulations Hermione! As promised, you get to pick one of the eleven eliminated castaways to spend time with for the rest of the day. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're going to pick Harry.

(Harry, Ron and Hermione converse briefly before Hermione makes her decision.)

Hermione: Actually Brian, I believe there is someone who deserves this above everyone else, and that person is Luna. She is one of the sweetest people I know. She's been through a lot recovering from her injuries, not to mention that she was never actually voted off the competition. So, assuming Luna wants to…

Luna: (pleasantly surprised) Oh Hermione, of course I would.

Brian: Alright then, Luna gets to spend the rest of the day with Hermione. Castaways, back to camp. Everyone else, out of here!

(Before leaving, Hermione hugs Ron and kisses Harry.)

Hermione: See you guys soon.

Ron: Not too soon Hermione. (Hermione nods in understanding before turning around and heading back to camp with Luna.)

Night 35

_Lisa: It's so great to see Luna fully recovered from her injuries! It was a very nice and selfless decision by Hermione to pick her to spend the day with us over Harry and Ron. It must have been a hard decision as well given how much she misses both Harry and Ron every day._

_Hermione: I couldn't bring myself to pick Harry or Ron to accompany me back to camp. They would have to leave in the morning and I would have to go through the whole cycle of sadness that I just endured a couple of days ago. Besides, it has been great to catch up with Luna, especially after that snake attack._

(Darkness reigns over the Nile River. Everyone is circled around the camp fire at the Sphinx Tribe campsite and taking turns telling stories.)

Crabbe: …and so one minute I was eating a floating cupcake, and the next Goyle and I were locked in a closet butt naked. It was one of the most bizarre moments of my life. That was the last time I stayed in the Great Hall past nine o'clock.

Hermione: You know, I can kind of explain what happened. It's a long story involving me, Harry, Ron and some polyjuice potion.

Crabbe: (chuckles) Ha, I had a gut feeling you three were involved in it somehow.

Hermione: Actually, it was just Harry and Ron. I accidentally grabbed some cat hair off a Slytherin girl's robes and ended up turning into a cat. I was coughing up hairballs for weeks. (everyone laughs)

Neville: Oh, so that's why you were in the hospital wing for a month. (more laughter) Enough about that though…what's going on with you Luna?

Luna: Not that much really. I was released from the hospital just a few days ago, and all I've been doing is recovering at home while helping Dad with the latest issue of the Quibbler. (blushes slightly) Well, that and I've been spending plenty of time with Ron. He visited me in the hospital nearly every day, and having him around really helped speed up my recovery.

Hermione: Awwww…it's so nice to hear that you two are getting along so well.

Luna: That's not all. Ron was also able to talk my dad into letting me try out for Ravenclaw's Quidditch team this upcoming school year, probably as a Chaser.

Hermione: Brilliant! I really hope you make the team.

Neville: (jokingly) Just don't do too well against Gryffindor, okay? I don't think your boyfriend would appreciate you scoring so many goals on him. (Neville, Hermione and Luna laugh)

Bart: Hey, Lisa and I got a great story for you guys. It's about the time Homer nearly doomed Springfield by polluting the lake. We then got chased out of town and ended up moving to Alaska. However, we came back to Springfield later just as the government was about to blow up the town in its giant glass dome. Then, Homer and I manage to save the town by throwing the bomb just outside the glass dome. It took us nearly a year to rebuild the whole town after that debacle.

Luna: How come there were never any news stories about this?

Lisa: Let's just say the US government is very good at keeping secrets.

Hermione: Sounds just like the Ministry of Magic.

Bart: Yep…if there's one thing Muggles and wizards share, it's a distrust of the government. (more laughter as the six of them continue to talk well into the night before hitting the hay.)

Day 36: Immunity Challenge

Brian: (on his laptop) I will never understand how Instagram became so popular. I mean, it just takes your photos and makes them look like they were taken in the 1950s.

Cameraman: For once Brian, I agree with you. By the way, we need to start the immunity challenge.

Brian: (looks in the distance and sees the castaways coming) Oh wow, it is that time again, isn't it? (Brian walks over to what appears to be a card table you would find in a casino) Over here, Sphinx Tribe! (Brian, Crabbe, Neville, Bart, Lisa and Hermione take a seat at the table with Brian alone on one side of the table) Now, how many of you have been to Vegas before?

Crabbe: Where?

Bart: Well, my dad went there once with Flanders. They both got crazy drunk and married some hookers.

Hermione: (snorts) Sounds like a charming town…

Bart: WHAT?

Hermione: I was being sarcastic.

Brian: Okay, so you all are probably unfamiliar with today's immunity challenge. Since our producers have run out of ideas for Survivor-esque challenges, today we're going to play a round of blackjack. In front of you lies $500 cash. Before each hand of blackjack, you will bet some or all of your $500 on you to win the hand. You win a hand of blackjack by getting 21 or being the closet to 21 without going over 21. You will each be given two cards initially, with 1-10 equaling the face value, jacks, queens, and kings are 10 each and aces can count as one point or eleven points. You may ask for an additional card if you wish to increase your score. However, if you go over 21, that is a bust and you are out for that hand. The survivor who has all the money at the end wins immunity. Is everyone clear on the rules?

Neville: Okay, so explain how the number 21 is so important again?

Brian: (looks at watch) Look, I've scheduled to play 18 holes of golf with Jeff Probst in an hour, so we got to get this show on the road. I'll just remind you of the rules as we go along. Place your bets for the first hand. [Hermione and Lisa bet $50, Bart bets $250, Crabbe bets $300 and Neville bets $100] All bets are off. Here come your cards.

[Fast forward a few hands. Crabbe and Bart have both been eliminated early on. Hermione is down to her last $25, Lisa is down to $100, and Neville has the rest of the money. Hermione and Lisa both go all in while Neville only bets $50. Brian distributes the cards. Hermione has a 9 and a 6, Lisa a 10 and an 8, and Neville a 7 and a 4. Hermione asks for another card, but it's a king, so she is eliminated. Lisa decides to stay put with her 18. Neville has no choice but to request another card, and that card is….a queen, giving Neville 21, thus eliminating Lisa.]

Brian: Good job Neville! You win immunity and you are guaranteed a spot in the final four! (hands immunity necklace to Neville, who puts it around neck.]

Later that Day at Camp

(Neville is lying down and relaxing in the shelter when he is suddenly poked hard in the ribs. He wakes up and looks to see a rather peeved Hermione.)

Hermione: Neville, why in the bloody hell did you vote for me?

Neville: (sits up with a confused look on his face) I think the better question is how on earth did you find out?

Hermione: I heard it from Lisa, who apparently heard it from Bart, who found out about it while fishing with Crabbe who was told about it by you.

Neville: (still confused) Well….wait what?

Hermione: I heard about it from Lisa, who heard it from Bart….please don't ask me to say it again. It's not important how I found out. I just want to know why you did it.

Neville: I'm sorry Hermione. It's just…I couldn't decide between Harry and Bart, Lisa had immunity and Crabbe and I were in an alliance, so

Hermione: (rolls her eyes) Oh my gosh…ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN SECRET ALLIANCES! (Neville is taken aback by Hermione's display of anger and sits back down on the shelter. Hermione's eyes widen in shock.) Oh wow…I'm sorry about getting so worked up over one measly vote Neville. It's just that I wish everyone's votes were determined more by merit rather than alliances.

Neville: (nods) Yeah, I see where you're coming from Hermione. Besides, you're not the one I'm upset with anyway.

Tribal Council

(The five members of the Sphinx Tribe enter the hut with their torches and take their seats. Brian, as always, enters through the side door.)

Brian: Now let's bring in our jury, which is now officially bigger than the Sphinx Tribe with six members. (Ron, Homer, Draco, Moe, Nelson and Harry enter through side door and take their seats beside Brian.)

Well, well, well…This has got to be the most important tribal council vote yet. I was just informed by our producers a few minutes ago that not only will the person eliminated tonight miss out on the final four, but he or she will also miss out on the cash payments that the top four survivors will receive. (Excitement is clear on the faces of the five survivors.) In addition to the one million dollar payoff for winning, second place will receive $100,000, third place gets $50,000 and fourth place $25,000. So Neville, assuming you…

Neville: (interrupting) Duh, of course I'm keeping immunity.

Brian: As I was saying, this means Neville, as the winner of today's immunity, you are guaranteed a cash payoff. You also get to lead off the voting, which will begin…NOW!

[Neville walks up to the voting booth, grabs a piece of paper, writes down his vote and reveals it to the camera: CRABBE.] You promised not to tell anyone I voted for Hermione. You may have changed for the better, but deep down you're still a bit of a rotten git. [folds up vote and puts it in bucket.]

[Shot of Hermione voting, Lisa voting, Crabbe voting, then Bart writes down his vote and reveals it: HERMIONE.] Hermione, you're one of the nicest, smartest, most honest people I've ever met. Unfortunately, you are also my primary competition for the million dollars. Nothing personal…just playing the game. [folds up vote, puts it in the bucket and heads back to his seat. Brian then enters the voting booth to tally the votes, returning a short while later with the bucket.]

Harry: (whispering to Ron) I get the feeling Hermione might be in trouble here.

Ron: (shakes his head) No way mate…I made a promise to Luna that either me, you or Hermione was going to win this. It can't possibly end like this.

Brian: You could the tension in this hut with a knife right now. I'll now read the votes. (grabs first vote out of bucket.) First vote…Hermione…second vote…is another one for Hermione. (Hermione is so nervous she looks down at the floor.) Next vote….Crabbe….fourth vote…another for Crabbe…that makes two for Crabbe and two for Hermione with one vote left…and that one vote is for…Crabbe! I'm sorry man, but I'm going to need your torch.

(Crabbe is given a round of applause from both the tribe members and the jury as he walks up to Brian with his torch.)

Brian: Before I snuff your torch, I have to commend you on your performance in this competition Crabbe. Even though you came up short, you went way further than a lot of people expected you to go.

Draco: Certainly further than I expected you to go. (Crabbe glares angrily at Draco.)

Brian: By the way, you have my permission to beat the living snot out of him on your way out. Vincent Crabbe, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes torch) It's time for you to go. (Crabbe leaves, but not before knocking Draco out with a punch right to the face. He gets a high-five from Ron as he walks out via the side door.) To the rest of you, congratulations on making it to the final four! You may now head back to camp and celebrate. (Bart, Lisa, Hermione and Neville grab their torches and head back to camp. Brian and the jury leave through the side door, except for Draco, who is dragged out the door by an unlucky intern.)

**END OF EPISODE TWELVE**

Tribal Council #12 Voting

Candidate (# of votes)

Crabbe (3)

Hermione

Neville

Lisa

Hermione (2)

Bart

Crabbe

Who will take home the million dollars? Tune in to the final episode of Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor to find out.


	14. Season Finale

Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor

Episode 13

Brian: Thirty-six days ago, 16 people, eight from Springfield and eight from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, arrived via plane to this remote area of Egypt along the Nile River. They had to learn to adapt, survive in the wild and work together to win challenges all while surviving tribal council every three days when one person was voted off the island. We have had shocking early exits, such as Ron Weasley and Homer Simpson, and some survivors who exceeded expectations, such as the survivor voted off last night, Vincent Crabbe.

Now, with only three days remaining, only four survivors are left standing: Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom from the Hogwarts Tribe and siblings Bart and Lisa Simpson from the Simpsons Tribe. All four have taken different routes and used different strategies to get to this point.

From day one, Bart was focused on forming alliances and jockeying for position in the tribal politics. His early alliance with Moe and Nelson was instrumental in getting Milhouse and Flanders voted off early in the game and made him the most powerful and influential member of the Simpson tribe.

At first, Bart's sister Lisa was not interested in alliances, but rather in being a vocal team leader with a strong sense of integrity who kept other tribe members on task. These conflicting approaches to the game led to conflict between Bart and Lisa that lasted throughout the first half of the competition. However, ever since the merger of the two tribes into the Sphinx Tribe, the two Simpson siblings have made up and have been on the same page. Will Bart and Lisa keep working together long enough for them to be the final two survivors?

Hermione Granger is known as the brightest witch of her age, and she has certainly needed every bit of that knowledge to stay in this competition. Her smarts have been instrumental in winning both team and individual challenges throughout her 36 days here. She has also demonstrated an ability to hang with the best of them in the more physical challenges. However, perhaps her greatest accomplishment here has been figuring out the mystery behind the snake attack that injured Luna Lovegood, forcing her to withdraw from the competition. Can she finish what she started and win the million dollars?

Of the final four, the one who has arguably endured the most to get here is Neville Longbottom. For a sizable chunk of this competition, Neville was under the influence of Draco Malfoy due to a powerful Imperius Curse. Thanks to Harry and Hermione, that curse has since been broken and Malfoy was sent packing. Since then, Neville has largely been under the radar, forming a small alliance with Crabbe. That alliance was dissolved yesterday when Neville won immunity and turned against Crabbe after Crabbe revealed that Neville voted for Hermione in an earlier tribal council.

Four castaways…three days…one million dollars….only one Survivor! Who is it gonna be? Now that my long-winded introduction is over, let's find out!

Day 37

(Bart and Neville are out fishing by the Nile River. They each catch a few fish in silence before Neville speaks up.)

Neville: Sure is quiet around here…

Bart: Yeah…I don't know about you, but I'm ready for these final few days to be over with. I miss Springfield, my bed, and greasy fast food. I even miss Springfield Elementary, but not that much.

Neville: I'm not sure how to feel right now. I mean, I'm glad to be going back to Hogwarts soon, but at the same time, I've kind of grown attached to this place.

Bart: Seriously?

Neville: Absolutely…I've lived at this camp since day one, and it's almost become a second home, albeit a much emptier one now.

Bart: Meh…I kind of see what you're coming from, but I still can't wait to get out of here. What are you going to do with your money?

Neville: That depends on how much I get. I'm really interested in Herbology, so maybe I'll open up a magical plant shop on Diagon Alley.

Bart: Where?

Neville: Diagon Alley is like the wizard equivalent of a shopping mall. Anything magic-related that you need, you can find it there. (Bart nods in understanding) What about you? What are you going to do with your money?

Bart: I'm going to get myself a really kick-ass car…maybe a Porsche or a Lamborghini.

Neville: Now, I don't know much about Muggle culture, but aren't you supposed to be sixteen before you can drive?

Bart: Hasn't stopped me before.

(While the boys continue to fish, Lisa and Hermione are relaxing by the spring.)

Lisa: Are you sure we shouldn't be gathering more food?

Hermione: I checked our supplies this morning, and between the four of us, we should have more than enough for the final three days.

Lisa: What about the shelter?

Hermione: What about it?

Lisa: Do we need to make any adjustments to it?

Hermione: Lisa, relax….When I first arrived at Hogwarts, I was a little too uptight myself. Trust me, being worried all the time is not worth it. Besides, we're only here for a few more days.

Lisa: True...besides, I'm more worried about the challenges and vote at this stage.

Hermione: (sighs) That's one thing I'm NOT going to miss about this place. (Just then, Bart emerges from the forest.) Care to join us Bart?

Bart: I'd love to, but I'm actually here to tell you guys that Brian is at our camp for the next immunity challenge.

Lisa: Already? (Bart nods) Well, let's go then.

Day 37: Immunity Challenge

(Brian and Neville are at the Sphinx Tribe shelter awaiting the others.)

Brian: So, what's the spell that makes things go through the air again?

Neville: Wingardium Leviosar. (Bart, Lisa and Hermione emerge from palm tree forest.)

Hermione: I hate to be a know-it-all, but it's actually pronounced Leviosa, not Leviosar. (Bart, Lisa and Hermione sit down beside Neville while Brian sits on the opposite side.)

Brian: Well Hermione, fortunately for you, being a know-it-all is an advantage for today's immunity challenge. I will ask each of you seven questions about your fellow castaways as well as the events that have transpired throughout the course of the game. You will each be provided with a marker and a dry-erase board to write your answer on it. (Neville, Hermione, Bart and Lisa each grab a marker, eraser and dry-erase board from a pile in front of them.) You will have ten seconds to write down your response. The person with the most correct answers wins immunity. In an event of a tie between two or more of you, I have three tiebreaker questions prepared. Any questions? (Silence.) Okay, then here comes the first question. Let's start with an easy one. On day 15, the Hogwarts Tribe was all set to go to Tribal Council when one of their tribe members was viciously attacked by a giant snake. Name the tribe member who was the victim of that attack.

[The four survivors feverishly write their answers down.] Brian: Time's up…reveal your answers.

[The four survivors turn their boards around. All four survivors respond with the answer LUNA.]

Brian: Correct. A point each for all four of you. Question #2 [Brian reaches into a box by his feet and pulls out a beer hat.] Whose luxury item is this?

[The survivors scribble down their answers then reveal them. Hermione, Bart and Lisa answer HOMER while Neville writes down MOE.] Everyone except Neville is right. The beer hat belongs to Homer Simpson. Hermione, Bart and Lisa have two points each while Neville has one point. Question #3: How many combined votes has Bart received at all the tribal councils?

[The tribe members take a while with this before writing down their answers. Lisa and Hermione come up with six while Bart writes down eight and Neville says ten.] Brian: The correct answer is….six. Bart received a vote each at tribal councils 1 and 9 and received two votes at tribal councils 4 and 11. A point to Hermione and Lisa. Hermione and Lisa lead with three points, Bart has two, Neville has one.

Bart: Only six? Ay caramba man, it felt like more than that.

Brian: Moving on, question #4: What was the reward that the Hogwarts Tribe received for winning the first challenge on day 1?

[The castaways write down their answers and reveal them. Hermione and Neville say a fire-starting kit, Lisa says fishing poles and Bart says pizza.] Hermione and Neville are correct. The Hogwarts Tribe won a fire-starting kit for successfully finding their supplies and campsite first. Hermione is now alone in the lead at 4 points, Lisa has three, Bart and Neville bring up the rear with two. Question #5: Another easy one for all of you. Who was the first castaway voted off?

[Bart, Lisa and Hermione write down RALPH while Neville writes down GOYLE.]

Brian: Everyone is right except Neville. Goyle was the first person voted out of the Hogwarts Tribe, but the 2nd person to leave the competition behind Ralph. With two questions left, Hermione has five points, Lisa has four, Bart has three and Neville is officially eliminated from contention with two points. Question #6: On day 20, we had a dueling competition for the reward challenge where three members from each tribe were pitted against each other. Name the three members of the Simpsons Tribe who competed in that reward challenge and put them in the order that they competed.

[The four castaways write down their answers, and all four of them have a different response. Lisa says Homer, Bart and Nelson. Hermione writes down Homer, Nelson, Bart….Bart writes down Nelson, Bart, Homer and Neville scribbles down Moe, Bart, Lisa.]

Lisa: (sees Neville's answer and laughs) Are you serious Neville? Could you imagine me in a jousting contest?

Brian: Four different answers, and the correct one belongs to….Lisa! With one question left, Hermione and Lisa are tied at five points apiece, Bart is officially eliminated with three and Neville still has two. Last question girls: For the third immunity challenge, the two tribes competed in a game of American Football. For the win, what was the final score of the game and which tribe won it?

[Lisa replies with 21-14, Hogwarts Tribe, Hermione says 21-14, Simpsons Tribe, as does Bart while Neville says 14-7, Hogwarts Tribe.]

Brian: Congratulations to…Lisa! The correct answer was 21-14, and the Hogwarts Tribe won the challenge. Lisa Simpson, for the second time, here is the immunity necklace. (Brian hands necklace to Lisa, who puts it around her neck. Lisa and Hermione shake hands after the competition.) I'll see you all at tribal council tonight. (Brian leaves camp and heads back to his motorboat.)

_Hermione: Oh bugger! An immunity challenge that was perfectly tailored to my strengths, and yet I still came up short. Tribal council is going to be so nerve-racking. Congratulations to Lisa though, she won fair and square._

(After the challenge, Bart and Lisa are alone in the shelter discussing strategy.)

Lisa: So, you got the whole plan down?

Bart: Yep

Lisa: We're both in agreement then, right?

Bart: Yep…let's do it. (Bart and Lisa high five each other.)

_Neville: Looking around camp, I kind of feel like the odd man out right now. The other three have fairly strong connections with each other. Bart and Lisa are siblings, Lisa and Hermione have become great friends and Bart had a brief crush on Hermione. Add in the fact that I was last in today's challenge, and I definitely vulnerable going into tonight's tribal council._

(The four castaways share a meal of fish and plants, the usual fare for the Survivor contestants, in near silence before grabbing their torches and heading off to tribal council.)

Day 37: Tribal Council

(Neville, Hermione, Bart and Lisa enter the hut with their torches and take their seats. Brian enters via the side door.)

Brian: Now, let's bring in the seven-member jury. (Ron, Homer, Draco, Moe, Nelson, Harry and Crabbe enter the hut through the side and take their seats beside.) Two of you will become members of this jury while two of you will vie for the million dollars in cold, hard cash. A couple of questions before we begin, the first being for Hermione. The climax of this game is upon us. Do you feel that the mood around camp sort of reflects the current situation?

Hermione: I think that's definitely the case. We had dinner just before arriving here, and very few words were said. It's not that we all hate each other, far from it. In fact, I daresay that I'll be friends with Bart and Lisa long after we leave Egypt. They are almost like the younger siblings I never had, and I greatly appreciate their support and friendship throughout the past month.

Brian: Excellent answer. Lisa, the last question for you, but I have a feeling I know what the answer is going to be. You currently possess the immunity necklace. Would you like to give it to someone else?

Lisa: Brian, at first I had no plans to give this away….until just a few moments ago. Hermione, I was really touched by your brief and speech and I, too, plan on being on your friend for a long time to go. Just as Bart and I are like the younger siblings you've never had, you are like the brilliant older sister I've never had. You are someone I can have an intellectual conversation with, and someone I come to for support. Therefore, I've decided that you can have the immunity necklace. (Lisa takes off necklace and hands it to Hermione. Hermione, smiling and with a tear in her eye, takes it and slowly puts it around her neck. Bart, on the other hand, is looking at Lisa with a "what the hell are you doing?" expression on his face. Lisa silently replies with an expression that says "don't worry.")

Brian: Well, it looks like Lisa just pulled a Nelson Muntz. (silence except for crickets.) Whatever, that was funny and you all know it. Anyway, it is now time to vote. Hermione, since you now possess the immunity necklace, lead us off.

[Hermione walks up to the voting booth, grabs a piece of paper, and writes down her vote for NEVILLE.] I'm sorry Neville, but you are the Weakest Link….Good bye! (laughs) I've always wanted to say that line just like Anne Robinson. (stops laughing) In all seriousnessthough, you are kind of the odd one out Neville. No hard feelings though. [folds vote in half and puts in bucket.]

[Shot of Bart voting, Lisa voting, and then Neville votes for LISA.] The last person to surrender the immunity necklace was voted off. My only hope of staying in this competition is if that happens again, but I doubt it. [folds vote and puts in bucket. Brian then tallies the votes.]

Brian: A very generous move on your part Lisa to give away the immunity necklace, but will it come back to haunt you? I will now read the votes. (opens up the bucket and grabs a vote) First vote is for…Neville…next vote….Lisa….third vote….Neville….two for Neville and one for Lisa with one vote left…(grabs last vote) The fourth place finisher and recipient of $25,000 dollars is….Neville! Bring me your torch, Longbottom. (Neville stands up and grabs his stuff and his torch. As he gives it to Brian, he looks confused.)

Neville: Oi, our currency in the wizarding world is galleons, sickles and knuts. What the bloody hell am I going to do with US dollars?

Brian: Don't worry, I'll hook you up with accounting and they'll convert the US dollars to wizarding currency in no time flat. With that being said, Neville Longbottom, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes torch) You'll have to leave now. (Neville leaves out the side door.) and then there were three…Hermione and the Simpson kids….you three better get some rest because our final immunity challenge will be bright and early tomorrow morning. You may now head back to camp. (Hermione, Bart and Lisa grab their torches and head back to camp.)

Confessional

Neville: Fourth place out of 16…That's not bad at all. Lying low proved to be a rather effective strategy, especially in the early going where helping the tribe and doing your job was much more important than tribal politics. Unfortunately, I think I laid low a little too long, and that's what cost me today. Lastly, I'm with Hermione on alliances…I think that they're just rubbish, but at the same time they are an important and necessary part of playing the game. So, to sum it up, I'm happy with my performance, but it is disappointing to come this close and come up just a little bit short. That's all I got to say guys. (Neville gets up and walks down path)

Day 38

(The three remaining members of the Sphinx Tribe are abruptly awoken by the sound of an air horn. Still groggy, the trio get up and see Brian in his motorboat.)

Bart: (yawning) What the heck dog? It's the crack of dawn.

Brian: I warned you today's immunity challenge was going to be early, right? Hop in the motorboat and we'll head off. (Bart, Lisa, Hermione and Brian get in the motorboat and speed off down the James. The sun rises from the east during their long journey northward. Sometime later, they finally their destination: The Pyramids of Giza. They then walk for a ways, stopping in front of one of the larger pyramids.)

_Lisa: Whatever challenge Brian has cooked up, it's bound to be a daunting one. I'm sure we didn't travel all this way for something simple._

_Hermione: I believe that this challenge is a must-win for me. If Bart or Lisa win the immunity necklace, I don't see either one of them voting each other off._

Brian: Quite a sight, isn't it? One of the seven Ancient Wonders of the World! Everyone knows what they look like from the outside, but for today's immunity challenge, you three are going to see what it's like on the inside. Hidden inside this pyramid are three nearly identical immunity necklaces. However, only one of them is the real immunity necklace while the other two are forgeries. The first person to retrieve the real immunity necklace first wins immunity as well as the one and only vote at tonight's tribal council. Any questions? (All three castaways raise their hands simultaneously.) Uhhh….Bart, what's up man?

Bart: I may be a devilish prankster and a fearless skateboarding daredevil, but I'm pretty sure that this is totally unsafe. (Lisa and Hermione nod in agreement.)

Brian: I knew this would be an issue, so to ease your nerves, we've got a medical crew and a rescue crew standing by in case you have to withdraw from the challenge for whatever reason. Also, each of you will be provided with a map of the inside of the pyramid. However, the locations of the necklaces are not included on the map. Any more questions? (silence) Alright then, Survivors Ready…..GO!

[Bart, Lisa and Hermione sprint towards the entrance of the pyramid. With her longer legs, Hermione beats Bart and Lisa into the pyramid by a narrow margin. Camera crews follow each of the survivors as they go down separate passageways. Lisa takes the left passage, Bart takes a path through the middle of the pyramid, and Hermione goes to the right. The floor underneath Bart's feet suddenly gives way as he falls into a booby trap. Lisa, meanwhile, inadvertently finds a secret passage by tapping on a stone. Hermione makes a left turn and comes across a room filled with scorpions, spiders and poisonous snakes. Frightened and grossed by the sight, Hermione seriously contemplates going another way. However, on the other side of the room, she sees an immunity necklace resting on an old stone shelf. Mustering up all the courage that she can, Hermione grabs a torch at the entrance of the room and begins using it to fend off the snakes and insects. Checking in on Bart, he manages to find an escape route at the bottom of the booby trap. The route leads him deeper and deeper underground until he heads into an ornate room that appears to be the resting place of an Ancient Egyptian king. In the middle of the room is a coffin, and on top of the coffin lies another immunity necklace. Bart runs quickly towards the coffin, but then hesitates when he realizes this may be another trap. Going back to Lisa, the secret passageway leads her to a room full of old jars. Groaning at the thought of having to search all of these jars, she starts looking in the jars one by one. Fortunately, luck was on her side as she finds an immunity necklace in one of the first jars. She grabs the necklace and makes a mad dash back to the entrance. At about the same time, Hermione has grabbed the necklace she found and makes her way out of the room, but not before being stung in the right leg by one of the scorpions. She tries to run, but feels her right leg starting to go numb and has to slow to a limping walk. Meanwhile, Bart slowly grabs the necklace from the top of the coffin and feels the ground begin to shake underneath. He dashes toward the entrance to the tomb and makes it out seconds before the floor completely gives way.]

[Lisa is the first back to the entrance of the pyramid and sprints outside, crossing the finish line first and handing her immunity necklace to Brian. Brian inspects it for a moment before handing it back to Lisa.]

Brian: Lisa…..I'm sorry, but this is NOT the real immunity necklace. You are eliminated from the challenge.

Lisa: D'oh!

[About five minutes later, Bart runs out of the pyramid with necklace in hand. He hands it to Brian who looks over it thoroughly before handing it back to Bart.]

Brian: Bart…..I have to say that your necklace is…NOT the real one. It appears you took a bit of a nasty fall. Go over to the medical crew and get checked out.

[Brian, Bart and Lisa now wait for Hermione. Thirty minutes passes. Brian is about to send in the rescue crew to go find her, but then Hermione emerges, hopping on her one good leg. She loses her balance and falls on the hard sand, wincing in pain and grabbing her bad right leg.]

Lisa: HERMIONE! Bart and I got the fake necklaces! You have the real one!

Brian: She's right Hermione! All you have to do is cross the finish line under your own power and you win!

[Upon hearing this, Hermione gingerly picks herself up and resumes her one-legged hop. Completely spent, she has just enough energy to cross the finish line and claim victory.]

Brian: Congratulations Hermione! You've definitely earned immunity from tonight's tribal council. Go ahead and put that necklace on and go hop over to the medical crew so they can tend to your leg.

(Hermione puts the immunity necklace around her neck and is helped to the medical tent by Lisa. She lies down on a cot next to Bart, who has ice packs and bandages on his head, left arm and left leg.)

Bart: What happened to you?

Hermione: I got stung by a scorpion…you?

Bart: Fell into a booby trap. I got some scrapes and bruises, but nothing too serious. You must have had the real necklace. (Hermione nods) Congrats. (Bart and Hermione share a high-five. The medical crew then begins tending to Hermione's right leg.)

_Hermione: I don't know how I did it, but somehow I won that challenge. Still, trying to figure out who to vote for between Bart and Lisa is tearing me apart. I'm closer friends with Lisa, but Bart has, in my opinion, proven to be the better competitor throughout the whole game. I also have to factor in the members of the jury and whether or not they would cast a vote for either Bart or Lisa. I'm just glad I have a few hours to make this decision._

Bart: So, which one of us you voting for?

Hermione: (looks over to Bart and smiles) Bart, you know full well I'm not going to give that away, right?

Bart: Yes, but there's no harm in asking. (Done with his treatment, Bart is released from the medical tent and heads back to camp with Lisa. Hermione is in the tent for a little while longer before she too is released.)

Day 38: Tribal Council

(Bart, Lisa and Hermione enter the hut and take their seats. Her leg still hurt, Hermione has to walk on crutches. Brian then enters via the side-door, followed immediately by the eight-person jury of Ron, Homer, Draco, Moe, Nelson, Harry, Crabbe and Neville. Ron and Harry see Hermione's crutches and look at her with concern.)

Brian: Well, here we are again after arguably the most dramatic and exciting challenge of the entire game. A challenge so dangerous that it left two of our three remaining survivors hurt. Hermione, you were hopping on one leg to the finish. What happened?

Hermione: I found the real necklace in a room filled with scorpions, rats and poisonous snakes. I was able to get across the room and grab the necklace, but on the way out the door, one of the scorpions stung me. My leg was so painful and numb that I just couldn't use it at all, so there's no way I would've beat Bart and Lisa to the finish. Fortunately, I happened to grab the right necklace and here I am. I should be able to use my leg again in the morning.

Brian: Okay, good to hear that it's not serious. Now, three of you are over there on the other side of the fire right now, but only two of you will be there 24 hours from now when we decide a winner. The other one will become the 9th and final member of this jury (points over to the jury to his left). Hermione, since you have immunity, it is up to you. You may go cast your vote when ready.

[Hermione hops from the seat, takes her crutches and slowly makes her way into the voting booth. She grabs the pen, looks at the blank sheet of paper before her and thinks. After what seems like an eternity, she scribbles down four letters, folds the piece of paper and puts it in the bucket. She then returns to her seat.]

Brian: I will now go tally the vote. (Brian enters the booth and returns quickly with the bucket.) In this bucket is the name of the final member of our jury as well as the 3rd place finisher. A reminder: The 3rd place finisher will receive $50,000 in cash. (opens the bucket and takes out Hermione's vote) and that $50,000 dollar payoff belongs to (unfolds the vote and reads it) Lisa Simpson! Bring me your torch please. (Lisa gets up, hugs Hermione and then hugs Bart before grabbing her torch and standing beside Brian) Lisa, you've put up a valiant effort throughout this competition, but today the tribe has spoken, or in this case, Hermione has spoken. (extinguishes torch) It's time for you to go. (Lisa exits via the side door) Bart and Hermione, congratulations! You have made it to the final day of this Survivor competition, and you both have a 50-50 chance of one million dollars. However, your fate is out of your hands now, and rests solely in the hands of these guys (points to jury) Head on back to camp. There is no immunity challenge tomorrow, so I will see you two at tribal council tomorrow night. (Bart and Hermione grab their torches and walk out of the camp.)

Confessional

Lisa: I'm proud of what I've accomplished here. Third place and $50,000 dollar in a competition like this is a very impressive feat for someone my age. With that being said, I had my sight set on winning it all from day 1, and to come so close to that goal and fall short is very heartbreaking to say the least. I don't know who or what persuaded Hermione to vote for me, but I'm sure she had a good reason to do so. I'm sure it was a tough decision, and now I've got a tough voting decision of my own to make tomorrow night. It should be a compelling finish to a compelling competition.

Day 39

(Bart and Hermione sleep in until noon. When they finally wake up, they walk out to the shore of the Nile together and just take in the scene.)

Bart: So, why'd you vote for Lis?

Hermione: (sighs) Well, I weighed all the variables in my head, but ultimately it went down to who played the game better and who earned a spot in the final two more, and I think you've definitely proven yourself worthy of this opportunity.

Bart: (smiles) Thanks Hermione. (silence for a few moments) Oh, by the way, I talked with Brian after the tribal council, and he said that we can light the camp on fire if we want to. What do you say?

Hermione: I'm certainly no pyromaniac, but there's nothing else left to do, so…..let's do it then.

(Bart and Hermione walk back up to camp, grab their stuff and then use their torches to set the campsite ablaze. They then begin the long walk to the tribal council hut. As they walk, sound bites from interviews with the members of the jury play in the background.

_Nelson: I'm so psyched that Bart manages to make it all this way. He has been my best friend here in Egypt and no doubt we'll be best friends once we get back to Springfield. _

_Homer: (drinking beer and clearly intoxicated) Who am I voting for? Uhhh…I don't know, probably Obama again. ….Bart or Hermione? Who are those people? Are they running on the Green party ticket? If so, then they definitely have my vote…..What do you mean I can only choose one….why you little! (begins strangling camera guy)_

_Draco: Can they both lose? Is that an option?...No? Oh bugger!_

Final Tribal Council

(Bart and Hermione enter the hut and take their seats. Brian is already waiting for them.)

Brian: Without further ado, here are the nine people that will determine which one of you will win the million dollar grand prize. (The jury enters in the order they were voted off: Ron, Homer, Draco, Moe, Nelson, Harry, Crabbe, Neville and Lisa.) Well, it has all come down to this. Tonight, we find out who wins Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor. Before we vote, I'm going to allow each member of the jury to come up here and ask both of you a question so that they can make as educated a vote as possible. Ron, we'll start with you. (Ron stands up and walks to the middle of the hut)

Ron: First of all, congratulations to both of you for making it to this point. My question is what has been the most difficult part of the past 39 days and why?

Bart: For me, it has got to be the physical challenges. I'm not the worst shape, but at the same time my fitness levels have never been particularly high. If nothing else, I have a gained a much better level of physical fitness from participating in this game.

Hermione: In my opinion, the hardest part of this game is the tribal councils and the voting. To figure out who to vote off, you have to take so many factors into account, such as their performance in challenges, the work they do around camp, what alliance they are in, their personality, and so on and so forth. Last night, for example, was without a doubt one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make. I could've just as easily voted for Bart, but I didn't and I stand behind my choice.

Brian: Okay, Homer appears to have fallen asleep (sound of loud snoring) so we'll skip him and move on to Draco.

Draco: (snorts) I have no desire to talk a Muggle and a filthy Mudblood.

Brian: Draco forfeits his turn due to a chronic case of douchbaggery, so we move on to Moe.

Moe: I don't have any questions, but I do have something to say. Hermione, you still owe me three seashells for that coconut drink when you visited the camp.

Hermione: (confused) You said it was on the house.

Moe: What? A guy's got to make a living. Oh, and Bart, you prank call my tavern again, I'm going to put sausages in your pants and stick starving dogs in your butt! That's all! (Moe takes his seat)

Brian: Thank you Moe for those completely irrelevant comments. I will now turn things over to Nelson Muntz.

Nelson: Of course, you all remember me giving the immunity necklace to Bart, a move that ended up costing me my chances at one million dollars. While it was great to help out a friend, I do somewhat regret the decision as it ruined my chances of winning. So, my question is: is there anything that you've done during your time here in Egypt that you regret, and if so why?

Hermione: That's a good question Nelson. If I could take back anything, it would be not listening to Ron when he warned us that Neville may have aligned with Draco and his alliance. If I and the rest of the tribe had listened to him, we could have possibly cured Neville of the Imperius curse sooner and spared Luna from that horrific snake attack.

Bart: I seriously regret the conflict I had with my sister during the first half of the game. I think we both got so caught up in the competition that we did terrible things that we normally wouldn't do. I turned against my friend Milhouse, and Lisa used blackmail on Nelson to try to get him out of my alliance. It just goes to show how cutthroat and intense Survivor really is. (Nelson takes his seat)

Brian: Okay, next up is Harry Potter. (Harry stands up and walks up to the middle of the hut)

Harry: Well, I was hoping to be on the other side of the fire this evening, but both of you have earned your spot in the final two and I commend you both for your accomplishments. Bart, I know we've had our differences at times over the past month or so, but you came here to Egypt focused on winning it all and have been willing to anything and everything you have to do to get there. If this vote was based solely on who played the game the best, honestly, you would probably be the favorite. Hermione, win or lose, you are the love of my life and I look forward to spending much more time with you when this is all said and done!

With all that being said, my question is this: Out of all the castaways, which two would you pick to be in the final two besides you and your opponent?

Bart: This is an easy one for me. It's definitely Lisa and Nelson. If they were in the final two, I would have no idea who to vote for, but either way I would be happy with the result.

Hermione: Certainly, you, Harry, would be one of them. As for the other spot, I would give it to Luna because she never really had the opportunity to show what she is made of. Who knows? If she hadn't been injured, maybe it would be her up here and not me or Bart. (Harry sits down in his seat)

Brian: Vincent Crabbe, you're up. (Crabbe gets up and walks to the middle of the hut.)

Crabbe: I don't really have anything to say, so I'll get straight to my question. Hermione, pick a number between one and ten.

Hermione: (baffled) Uhhh…..seven.

Bart: Hmph….five!

Crabbe: Thank you! (Crabbe sits down)

Brian: A very concise speech, Crabbe. Neville Longbottom, come on down!

Neville: Getting to the point, my question is when voting in tribal councils, what are the factors that most influenced your voting?

Bart: All of my votes up to this point have been centered on alliances. Prior to each tribal council, I'd talk with whoever is in my alliance at that time and we'd come to an agreement on who to vote for. Half of the time that strategy worked, and the half of the time it didn't.

Hermione: The criteria I've used for determining my vote has varied from one tribal council to the next. Sometimes, it's about eliminating the weakest tribe member, and other times, as much as I hated it, I would vote based on alliances. Like Bart, my voting strategies produced mixed results, but that's to be expected I guess.

Brian: Last, but certainly not least, Lisa Simpson. (Lisa stands up and walks to center of room)

Lisa: Right off the bat, I got to say that, if I couldn't make it to the final two, I'm glad you two did. For my question, I want to get an idea of exactly what you think of the person sitting next to you. Therefore, my question is to give three traits that you think your opponent possesses.

Hermione: Clever question. Bart, in my opinion, is someone who is tough, determined and resilient. He isn't the most athletic person here, or the smartest or the most experienced in these types of situations. However, he's more than made up for that by constantly battling through adversity. He was close to being voted off 2 or 3 times, yet he always found a way to stay in the game, and I really admire him for that.

Bart: I can think of a lot of positive traits that Hermione possesses, but the three that immediately come to mind are intelligent, hard-working and compassionate. When Luna went down with that snake attack, she was the one who, for the most part, put the pieces together, figured out who did it and thought of a way to dispose of the criminal. When we were in the same tribe, she was always doing more than her fair share of work around camp, and I, on the other hand, did a little less than I should have at times. As for compassionate, I don't remember a single time the entire game where she was mean to anyone or stabbed anyone in the back. Also, her disdain for tribal councils is no secret. When the tribes merged, she became friends with pretty much everyone in the newly formed tribe, and hated having to vote one of them off every three days. (Satisfied with those answers, Lisa returns to her seat.)

Brian: Great questions jury, and equally great answers from you two. Now, for the moment we've all been waiting for. It is now time to vote. Jury, a reminder that you are voting for the person you want to win the million dollars, not the person you want to vote off. Repeat after me, you are voting for the person you want to win.

Jury: We're voting for the person we want to win.

Brian: Fantastic! Ron Weasley, lead us off.

[Ron walks over to the voting booth, grabs a piece of paper, and writes down her vote for HERMIONE.]

Ron: Okay, so she's not my girlfriend, so what? She's better off with Harry, and I'm better off with Luna. Besides, we're still close friends.

[Ron puts vote in bucket. Shot of Homer drunkenly voting, then Draco votes and shows it to the camera: HERMIONE] Draco: I cannot believe I'm doing this, but I'd rather see a Mudblood win than a Muggle. Just don't let it get to your head if you win Granger. [folds vote and puts it in bucket.]

[Shot of Moe Voting, Nelson Voting, and Harry Voting. Crabbe then picks up the pen and votes for BART.] Crabbe: By the way, the number I was thinking of was three. Sorry Hermione. [folds vote and puts it in bucket.]

[Shot of Lisa voting, and then Neville also casts a vote for BART.] Neville: Hermione is my friend and classmate, but ultimately this vote is about who played the game the best and who is most deserving of the million dollars. In my opinion, that person is Bart. [folds vote and puts it in bucket. Brian then walks into the booth to tally the votes. After a short while, he returns with the bucket.]

Brian: Before I read the votes, a reminder of what is at stake. A million dollars for the winner, and $100,000 for the runner-up. We've all waited 39 days for this one vote, so let's stop delaying it and get down to business. I will now read the votes. (opens bucket and reads first vote) First vote is for…Bart….Second vote…..Hermione…..third vote…Bart…fourth vote Hermione…fifth vote….also for Hermione….three for Hermione, two for Bart…sixth vote….Bart…seventh vote….Hermione….eighth vote…..Bart…four votes each with one vote to go….(pulls last vote out of bucket and unfolds it)…the winner of Simpsons vs Harry Potter Survivor….Congratulations to…(turns paper over) Hermione.

(Bart gets up and hugs Hermione, who is still seated there in a pleasant shock. The jury members walk over to congratulate the final two. Hermione is snapped out of her daze with a kiss from Harry followed by a hug from Ron. Bart shakes hands with Neville and Nelson and gets a congratulatory hug from his sister.]

Brian: Well, what a thrilling ride it has been! However, like all good things, it must now come to an end. Don't fret though, as we will soon return of a second season of Survivor. Unfortunately, I won't be hosting because I will be one of the competitors next season when a tribe of Seth McFarlane characters takes on eight residents of South Park in the Australian Outback. Until then, this is Brian Griffin saying… stay classy Internet! Good night!

**END OF EPISODE THIRTEEN**

Confessional

Hermione: Wow! That's all I got to say really. It's going to take some time for all of this to sink in. The victory, my newfound wealth, and all the friends I've made and experiences I've had. Just all of it. I'm proud that I won, but I'm more proud that I won my way and came out of all this with my integrity intact.

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do with the money yet, but I do know that I'm going to be much more popular around Hogwarts after this.

Tribal Council Voting

Whew, over 7,000 words later and I'm finally done with the finale! For those interested, here's a summary of the last three tribal councils.

#13

Candidate (# of votes)

Neville (3)

Hermione

Bart

Lisa

Lisa (1)

Neville

#14

Hermione voted for Lisa

#15

Candidate (# of votes)

Hermione (5)

Harry

Ron

Draco

Moe

Lisa

Bart (4)

Crabbe

Nelson

Homer

Neville


End file.
